Sometimes saying no to people can be difficult or perhaps you're a sucker for saying yes all the time. Why is it so hard to say the word "NO", saying no doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you're rude, unkind or selfish. Saying no is important and it's OK, so it's time you learnt how to do so.
Here are ten tips to get you started.
Start using the word
No is a powerful word, so start using it to your advantage. Give yourself full permission to give a big NO to unreasonable favors, work that won't benefit you in anyway, activities you don't want to, situations that make you uncomfortable, people who drain you and anything that negatively affects your health and mental well-being.
Using the word "NO" more often will help you become more comfortable with saying the actual word. Sometimes repeating the word is the only way to get the message to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no, eventually they'd get the message.
Don't Apologize
It's only natural that you want to remain polite when saying no, and you often start out by saying; "I'm sorry, but... ", don't get me wrong, being polite is important, but apologizing just makes your refusal sound weak, you need to be firm and unapologetic about saying no.
Defer
If you're interested in the request but you have some reservation, say something like; "sounds interesting, let me think it over first" or "can I get back to you on that? ", this gives you time and space to think it over, rather than feeling pressurized to decide on the spot.
Offer an alternative
You can also respond in way that works for you and you're comfortable with, this way you aren't really saying no but you aren't really saying yes either. For example, you can help find a solution, let's say someone asks you to help them move, and you know you're really busy, instead of saying no, you can offer to gather a few common friends, who would be more eager to help, this way at least you showed that you put in some effort
Negotiate
Sometimes you can turn a no into a yes, if the other person is willing to do something in return, this way you won't need to feel bad for saying no and you'd get something in return for saying yes.
For example, let's say your boss asks you to work on a new project but you know that's not just possible because you have a deadline on your current project, so what can you do in this tricky situation, instead of complaining and saying that it's impossible, try to negotiate. Ask if this new project is of higher priority than the current one, perhaps you could slip the deadline on your current project by a few days.
Teach people to expect that you might say no.
One of the biggest problems with always saying yes is that you soon find out that people begin to undervalue your time. If you're always saying yes, people would assume that you're always available and if you happen to say no, they get upset. So start saying things like; "I appreciate your asking, but I really can't" or "I wish I could, but I'm swamped this week". Once people understand that the possibility of you saying yes or no is fifty fifty, it would become much easier for you to actually say no and they'll become more accepting of your answer.
Keep it brief
Long answers give the asker more loop holes to come back at you. After you've said no, it is crucial that you don't start waffling. While you may think that you're protecting people's feelings by concocting an excuse, there's really no need to be too specific. This is especially important if you said a little white lie, as lying about your reasons for saying no could lead you to feeling guilty. Remember, you don't owe other people a reason and they don't have the authority over your life to tell you what should and should not matter to you.
Make a 'Not-To-Do' list
You've made the decision to start saying no and this is a great start, but now you'd need a plan, otherwise you may likely end up falling back into your old self. Take ten to fifty minutes and make a short list of all the things you want to avoid and say no to; things that create a drag on your productivity or just things that you really hate saying yes to. The list could be;
1. I don't go out when I've not finished doing my chores.
2. I don't schedule anything on work days.
3. I don't give out money, I've budgeted.
Make a 'To-Do' list
When you start your day without a plan, you leave yourself open to letting other people's demand dictate what you do with your day. If you map out your day, you'd be more productive, relaxed and it'll be more easier for you to say no to random things that come up through out the day.
Think of saying 'No' as an act of self love.
We don't really think of it this way, but saying no is a radical act of self love and self love really means doing the things that nourish you and makes you feel good and energized. It's important to have a healthy balance of saying yes and no, this way people will have more respect for you and put more value on your time. However, there would be times when you should say yes, whether you are lazy, simply don't want to have other obligations, try not to be selfish, if your friend is going through a crisis and could use your help, don't say no because you'd rather watch TV or hangout with your spouse.
Having said that, I'd like to take this from another angle.
Saying no and feeling guilty is something we all struggle with, myself included, so I want to talk about a few things to keep in mind to make it easier for you to be able to say no when you feel like you really want to.
The reason why we say yes too much is because so many of us are people pleasers and we worry so much that we are going to disappoint somebody else by saying no and alot of us feel guilt when saying no. So I'm going to talk about both of those things and how we can try avoiding feeling bad in a situation when we know we need to say no for us.
So when it comes to people pleasing, first of all, because you say no to somebody doesn't mean that they're not going to like you, it's really important to keep that in mind and if they don't like you because you say no, I don't think keeping them in your life will be healthy. One thing to keep in mind when it comes to people pleasing; it's really important that you understand why you're really struggling to say no in that moment, you really have to ask yourself what is it that you're afraid of? Are you afraid of rejection? Are you afraid of being viewed as weak? Are you afraid that you're not going to be seen as good enough? Once you can figure out what the basic fear you're struggling with in that moment is, it makes it a lot easier and a lot clearer to make a conscious decision as to whether or not you do want to say yes or no.
You have to ask yourself if that's a fear you want to hold on to or if it's a fear that at the end of the day would seem pretty unrealistic and letting go would be the best option. So understanding your fear is the basic thing you need to know to be able to feel more comfortable in saying no. We also make up so many stories in our head about how the other person is going to feel or how they're going to react to us saying no. Why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves when those are just stories in our head. We don't actually know how they're going to feel or how they're going to react, and who is to say that us saying no to them is going to crumble their world.
Why are we feeling like we're so important, that we're going to ruin their lives by saying no. What we're actually truly afraid of is crumbling our own world by saying no, because we're worried about how we're going to be viewed if we say no.
Now let's talk about guilt
When you feel guilty, it's because you've done something wrong or something that you feel is wrong. How is saying no, doing something wrong? Saying no isn't a moral issue. You really have to ask yourself why you're feeling guilt for something you know you're not doing wrong. In fact you're probably doing something incredibly right, because you're doing something for you. You know that saying no, is going to save you a lot more stress and overwhelm because you're not saying yes and committing yourself to so many things.
So keep it in mind, If you're someone who struggles with guilt by saying no, ask yourself, how is this a moral issue? How is this something that I really should feel guilty about?
I'm not saying any of these things is going to be easy, it does take work, but just remember that small steps lead to really big results.
Let me know your thoughts on this issue, leave comments below.
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You rock bro.
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@tutornary team loves your publication. It made a nice read with an educative content, which is one of things @tutornary promotes.
@vwovwe has been upvoted by @tutornary and recommended for upvote by the @tutornary community/team.
Feel free to use our tag subsequently.
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Very nice i to find myself guilty of saying yes cause i feel bad but im getting better at saying no and im enjoying it. 😉
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Always a different awesome vibe with your updates.... Best motivational to start the week with... thanks 💯
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Amazing content... Usually some person saying to an offer might be disrespectful even when in the long run they know it may not favor them.
You post sir was a good one ... Very insightful i must say.
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Never thought about having a 'Not-to-do-list', but I think I'll work on this. Thanks @vwovwe
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