Hi mates, no idea why I'm starting a blog here, maybe I want to sort my thoughts and want to archive my daily life in an immutable blockchain. To see what I did, what were my thoughts, what did I achieve(or not) and maybe to inspire myself to keep going.
No idea where to start. This week was somehow good, got out of the house to try to meet some new people. No idea if it was a succes, or is it even possible to call social interaction a succes? Back to the point I went to a LGBT-Meeting, yes I'm Bi, it was okay. I wish I wouldn't be so shy, but they were lovely und had a warm aura. I exchanged numbers with two of them, okay we're not really writing much. But hey, don't expect too much. I don't know yet if I go to the next meeting next week, maybe, depends on my mood. I know I should, I know many things who would be good for me, but in the end does it even matter if I'm happy or not.
When I look at my family, my father alcoholic and a gambler, my mother alcoholic too and I'm dumb enough to live still with her. Don't know if my parents ever tried to get their shit together, I don't think so, I mean it's much better to cripple the mental health of your son than getting help four yourselves. Don't you agree? Nah it doesn't bring relief being angry at them. They had their own share of problems, but still, sometimes I wish that they had tried to be good at parenting. That they picked me up after a school trip instead of letting me nearly froze to death.
Can't do much about it now, need to keep going for myself, still don't know how. Feels like the past is always at my side and doesn't want to let me go. Or maybe I don't want to let it go, without it, what is me? Maybe I should find it out, at least I should try it, no, yes? I dont know, is there even a chance that I can be happy. There should be, but maybe my brain is too damaged and the more I work the greater will be the pain when I realize that there is no chance?
Hm, need to think about that. Hope you have a nice day, see you.