Hellooooo my adorable…
Let’s talk about loyalty and how it’s seen nowadays. How people expect it and demand it from you, but without giving it in return. Such a shame that no one realizes how hard is to find it and how important is to know how to keep it. Unfortunately, I came to the conclusion that lying is the new lifestyle of people and loyalty became nothing more than a myth (mostly men’s specialty). No matter how good you are with people, they’ll still not treat you the same. It’s too damn hard for some of them to give up on their pride and see the good that surrounds them. I don’t fall for looks, swag, and gifts, but I do like them. Of course, I do… Let’s face it, ladies… We all love to be spoiled by a good looking man. But what I do fall for is respect and honesty.
Relationships are built on trust that’s earned in time and loyalty is demonstrated. You have to pay attention to people’s character tho.
I’ve met people capable of living a lie, an illusion because they couldn’t let go of their ego. Like my ex-lover, T, for example. We were more than friends, but less than a couple. He was so obsessed with the idea of us being together, but he said that we can diversify too. That we were both free to be with someone else… with whoever we wanted. But I never did it… I saw how jealous and possessive he really was. I knew that this was nothing more than another test of his to see if he can honestly trust me. After a few months of traveling and living in different places and hotels, we decided to move together. So we rented a gorgeous penthouse in Austria to make it our paradise, our home. The choice was mine to take, so I picked Innsbruck to be with my friends too.
He agreed with me, and we were thrilled with the place. The only thing that really mattered was to make our relationship real and stable.
We thought that we’d made our relationship work. Obv we didn’t, and I had to end it, I had to let him go.
We keep in touch ever since on the phone, but never to dinner as friends. It all started when I couldn’t handle his paranoid thoughts anymore. Every single time that he was traveling without me, he was arguing with me out of nowhere and from stupid, childish reasons like why do I have my status on Fb as ’single.’ To a certain point spending time with my friends was out of the discussion and, somehow, he always managed to ruin all the plans I had with them. To give you a quick example, in the next pic is me and one of my besties, A, meeting in Munich after we haven’t seen each other for a long time. We wanted to spend some quality time together… even a couple of hours were enough for us to recover the lost time. Of course, we didn’t have the opportunity, he didn’t let me. After dinner, which he attended, we went back to the hotel thinking that he’ll go to sleep, as he said, and we’ll get the chance to chill, smoke some and chat for a bit. I thought that we gonna have some privacy.
For as much that I was trying to ignore him, more he was acting like a fool in the attempt to get my attention. My friend hated him, but kept on smiling because of me… because she loves me, she didn’t want to put me in an even more awkward situation. I was even ashamed of his ridiculous behavior. He wanted to be my whole world and get all my attention, but he never understood that this was not the way. When I needed some space for myself, he was suffocating me and trying to take away moments that I wanted to have with my friends and family. Destroying my social life piece by piece… Slowly I was going mad, and I couldn’t deal with this shit any longer. I loved him so much, but I didn’t want to fix every shit thing that he was doing to me or dragging me into. I endured humiliation, but I preferred to be silent than to engage in a nonsense fight. I was loyal and dedicated to our commitment, but I found out that he was not. He had other girls every time he was away, cheating and lying like a coward. So my question was:
“How the fuck can you demand my loyalty when I’m questioning yours all the time?”.
Clearly, he was loyal to his need of me and took me for granted. I never asked him to spend all of his time with me or make his world revolve around me like he did. I asked for honesty… and he definitely wasn’t. I was done punishing myself with a person that claimed to be everything he was not. I wasn’t going to bang my head against the walls for someone who didn’t even took the chance (s) to make this relationship real. Who showed the lack of empathy… So I moved on. But even nowadays he still don’t understand that loyalty ain’t about words that comes out from the mouth. It’s about actions.
Actions contradict words, gentlemen.
Stay focused on your purpose, M.