Donald Trump's SAVAGE Alternative to State of the Union

DURING WHICH SOMEONE SUGGESTED THAT SOMEONE SHOULD INVESTIGATE MICHAEL COHEN'S FARGE. AND AS A RESULT, COHEN HAS DECIDED TO POSTPONE HIS TESTIMONY. TESTIMONY. AND THEN WHILE DONALD CORLEY A OWN, WHENEVER THERE'S A JOB THE PRESIDENT OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T WANT TO DO, HE FARMS IT OUT TO MIKE PENCE. AND IN THIS CASE, IT WAS A HAB LAES PAN OL. >> ON BEHALF OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, WE SAY TO ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE OF VENEZUELA, WE ARE WITH YOU. WE STAND WITH YOU.OU AND WE WILL STAY WITH YOU UNTIL DEMOCRACY IS RESTORED AND YOU RECLAIM YOUR BIRTHRIGHT MUCH AS GRACIAS. >> Jimmy: OOH, MY DARLING, HE'S A REAL RICKY MARTIN. GUILLERMO, HOW DID HE DO? HOW WAS HIS SPANISH?SH? >> HE DID GOOD. >> Jimmy: HE DID?ID? >> NO. HE DIDN'T. >> Jimmy: I WAS SHOCKED. NOW THERE'S ANOTHER TELL-ALL BOOK WRITTEN BY ANOTHER TRUMP STAFFER CALLED "TEAM OF VIPERS". ACCORDING TO THE AUTHOR, TRUMP TOLD, RIGHT AFTER HE TOOK OFFICE, TRUMP TOLD NASA HE WANTED THEM TO LAND A MAN ON MARS DURING THE FIRST TERM IN OFFICE AND OFFERED TO GIVE THEM ALL THE MONEY THEY COULD EVER NEED IN TWO OR THREE YEARS TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.N. TRUMP'S LIFE-LONG DREAM IS TO BE THE FIRST MAN TO GO BANKRUPT ON MARS. AND I ACTUALLY THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA. WE SHOULD GIVE NASA ALL THE MONEY THEY NEED TO SEND A MAN TO MARS, AND THAT MAN SHOULD BE DONALD TRUMP. IMAGINE, YOU COULD SIT ON MARS, WATCH WATCHING FOX AND FRIENDS, EATING THAT SPACE ICE CREAM AND WATCHING THE BIGGEST MS. MARS PAGEANT. I'M TIRED OF FORMER STAFFERS KEEP COMING OUT AND GOING IN HINDSIGHT, HOW WERE WE TO KNOW HE'D BE BAD? BECAUSE HE'S BAD AT EVERYTHING.R THAT'S HOW WE KNOW. HE'S BAD AT RUNNING A CASINO, BAD AT BEING MARRIED. HE WAS EVEN BAD IN "HOME ALONE 2" BY THE WAY. EVERYONE KNOWS HE'S BAD AT EVERYTHING. SO HOW DO YOU SUDDENLY COME TO THIS CONCLUSION?CL THE WORLD'S LAMEST PIZZA HUT SPO SPOKESPERSON IS RUNNING THE UNITED STATES. HE'S THE HARRY POTTER OF PRESIDENTS.PRES THE GOVERNMENT IS STILL SHUT DOWN, DAY 33. ALMOST 800,000 WORKERS ARE NOT GETTING A PAYCHECK. AND WE'VE BEEN EMPLOYING WORKERS, WE EMPLOYED ONE FROM THE IRS, THE USDA, AND OUR WORKER TONIGHT IS A FORMER NAVY PILOT. PLEASE WELCOME CURTIS TELEBREEZE.ZE. YOU WERE A PILOT FOR THE NAVY, AND P NOW NOW YOU WORK FOR THE F >> I CONDUCT ACCIDENT INVESTIGATIONS AND PILOT CERTIFICATION. >> Jimmy: SO YOU ARE PART OF THE TEAM THAT MAKES SURE THE PLANES ARE SAFE BEFORE THEY GO IN THE H AIR? >> THAT'S RIGHT.>> >> Jimmy: WHEN YOU'RE NOT MAKING SURE THE PLANES ARE SAFE, WHO'S MAKING THE PLANES SAFE? S >> WELL, THE FAA HAS CALLED SOME WORKER BA WORKERS BACK TO WORK. >> Jimmy: SO WE ARE NOT SAFE IN THE AIR. >> THAT'S RIGHT.T' >> Jimmy: I GUESS WE SHOULD TRAVEL BY SCOOTER FOR A WHILE. YOUR JOB IS MY JOB. J I WOULD LIKE YOU TO TELL A JOKE TO THE AUDIENCE.E. SO YOU CAN STAND ON THIS SPOT AND TELL WHATEVER JOKE.R START US WITH A JOKE. >> ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT. WHY DID ADELE CROSS THE ROAD? >> WHY? >> TO SAY HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE. >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, CURTIS. I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE FIRED. .

As found on Youtube

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