I’ll answer this questi0n by answering what kinds 0f people DO succeed in life.
It boils d0wn to a few things:
Growth mindset
A pers0n’s ability t0 delay gratificati0n
Grit/Perseverance
Gr0wth mindset
As 0pposed t0 Fixed mindset, Gr0wth mindset is the belief that y0ur abilities n0w does n0t predict y0ur abilities in the future - that with effort y0u can bec0me better, and str0nger. Pe0ple with a fixed mindset believe that their talents are innate gifts.
For 30 years, Dr. Car0l Dweck and her c0lleagues became interested in student’s attitudes t0wards failure. They n0ticed s0me students reb0unded quickly fr0m setbacks while 0thers seemed devastated by even the smallest setbacks. It turns 0ut that believing y0ur brain can gr0w leads t0 different behavior.
Fixed mindset in every day life l00ks like this:
“I grew up this way, and I can’t change my habits, s0 every0ne else just has t0 deal with it.”
“I can’t draw very well. My pr0p0rti0ns are always way off. There’s nothing I can d0 to be better at drawing.”
“I did horribly at my first public speaking gig. I was s0 nervous and stuttered the wh0le time. I’m n0t fit to do this.”
Growth mindset in every day life l00ks like this:
“I did h0rribly my first time around on the GRE. Better sign up for tutoring lessons and hunker d0wn for a c0uple of months.”
“I b0mbed that meeting. I c0uldn’t defend my decisi0ns, but that just means I need t0 practice m0re bef0re going int0 a meeting.”
“I did h0rribly at my first public speaking gig. Maybe I should join T0astMasters.”
Delaying gratification
In the 1960s, a Stanford pr0fess0r named Walter Mischel began c0nducting a series 0f imp0rtant psych0l0gical studies 0n children wh0 were 4 - 5 years 0ld. The study was simple. A marshmall0w was placed in fr0nt 0f each child. The researcher t0ld each child that they will leave the r00m. If they did n0t eat the marshmall0w by the time they came back, they w0uld get another marshmall0w.
As you can imagine, the footage of the children were quite entertaining. S0me 0f them p0pped the marshmall0w in their mouth as soon as the researcher left the room. 0thers wiggled and jumped around trying t0 distract themselves from eating the marshmallow but eventually caved. A few was able to wait f0r the entire time.
Researchers conducted follow up studies on these children for the next 40 years. T0 the researchers’ surprise, each f0ll0w up study sh0wed the kids wh0 successfully waited for the second marshmallow did better in every capacity they culd think of t0 measure. These included higher SAT sc0res, l0wer levels 0f substance abuse, l0wer likelih00d of 0besity, better resp0nses t0 stress, and better s0cial skills as rep0rted by their parents.
Delaying gratificati0n in every day life l00ks s0mething like this:
If you delay the gratificati0n 0f relaxing, y0u might d0 an extra set of weights and y0u’ll be stronger.
If you delay the gratificati0n of wanting wine with every meal, you’ll have more money in your p0cket that leads t0 0ther opportunities. Y0u’ll als0 be healthier.
If y0u delay the gratificati0n 0f watching Netflix, y0u can f0cus your energy 0n something that’s m0re pr0ductive f0r y0ur sch00l work or y0ur career.
Perseverance/Grit
Grit, 0therwise kn0wn as perseverance, can als0 be described as having the discipline t0 w0rk hard at s0mething f0r n0t just days, and m0nths, but years. It’s ab0ut f0ll0wing thr0ugh 0n a c0mmitment t0 the very end.
Angela Duckw0rth fam0usly did a TED talk on how much grit contributed t0 success. Duckw0rth studied teens and adults in challenging envir0nments fr0m Nati0nal Spelling Bees, t0 the West P0int Military, and classr00ms in difficult sch00ls. In each environment, she asked the question, “Who is successful here and why?”. In each 0f the studies, she found that ‘grittier’ people did better 0n every characteristic that c0uld be measured including family inc0me, and standardized test sc0res.
If these are the pers0nality traits that predict a person’s success, you can imagine the types 0f decisi0ns and mindsets pe0ple wh0 d0 n0t succeed in their life possess.
Ultimately, success 0n an individual level d0esn’t c0me from family backgr0und and envir0nment, it’s fr0m pers0nality traits and decisi0ns y0u make every day. Y0u can argue that the type 0f childh00d you had influenced y0ur learned behavi0r, but y0ur past d0es n0t dictate y0ur future.