I completely understand your reservations about not being in control of your situation. I too very much dislike the feeling of being out of control of my own body or mind. That being said, I have been an avid cannabis user for about 12 years now on a nearly daily basis and I can tell you that I have never felt "out of control" after using MJ in any form (smoking a joing, blunt, bowl, bong, vape, etc.). I promise you will not "trip out" or see "pink elephants"! For me, smoking marijuana helps to calm my natural anxiety and also to creatively inspire me. Also, I am a firm believer that alcohol use is far more addictive and harmful that marijuana use (there is PLENTY of research to back this up). Hopefully my input will help to quell your fears a bit. You will not get "addicted", you will not see things and you are not a hypocrite! Take a drag or two of that joint for me, relax and enjoy it. Peace, Jill :)