Redacted Journal - November 22-30, 2019

in censorship •  4 years ago 

Nov 22, I was not getting to sleep last night. After a while I opened my eyes, and there were immediately several bangs on the floor above. I did not sleep well. I got up around 7 and got ready. After I put my shirt on and looked in the mirror there were more bangs, and someone down the hall shouted after it. [I was going to perform a sign language song that day. Sometimes the person upstairs seems to have strong opinions on my apparel.] This was around 8 am… I went to BAnQ and continued my paper on being perceived as homeless in Tennessee. On my way back in the metro, a woman fell on the stairs near me, and shouted and yelled a lot. She told a man next to her to carry her torn bag up. She looked at me for a moment, behaving strangely. When I arrived the teachers were setting up formal decorations. Emily arrived and wasn't sure where to sit. I placed my display items on the table and confirmed with the professor the audio and translations were ready. We had many countries present, several with teams. Some read papers and showed slides, describing dance, music, sports, holidays, etc. Some showed handcrafted objects. Many brought food. There was lots of dancing which involved inviting people from the crowd to dance. One lady invited me, ignoring my declining her, but had to ask someone else. We ate lunch and returned to presentations. I talked to a few people during lunch... I was the 3rd to last to present. I explained what was on the table in French, then demonstrated the song. Several people told me it was beautiful. No one came up to the table to read my paper. The professor made sure people got a bookmark with the alphabet. He said good weekend in sign and good job. He played an original song on the ukulele. I helped clean afterwards. I took bus the back and took a 3 hour nap. I checked Facebook and news, looked at old files on my experience with the group on homelessness, and started looking for a job.

Nov 23, I stayed awake for a long time, and woke up late. I read the news. The wifi cut out before I could get an Infowars story on an information platform being made called Encyclosphere. I turned on data, and then Torguard shut off and I got a text saying 1/2 of my data was already used. I took a screenshot. I got ready. As I was rinsing out a can, I had left my door ajar and a man I don't recognize came down the hall and knocked on Kevin's door. I walked to my mailbox. On the way I saw a guy by the same car with a black hoodie doing something with string by the car door. [This is fairly standard. There will be something that looks dangerous or frightening, and then there will be an innocent alternative explanation, so if you say anything about it, your concerns can be dismissed. Before the man in a black hoodie at night with a string going into a car door seemed to me to possibly be a car thief, though he just stood there when I stared at him.] Lucas came in and asked me a question. I moved to the other side and said I couldn't hear him over the vent. He asked if I felt like he was stalking me when he asked to be my friend on Facebook. I asked if there was someone named Sharon Clark with my face on Facebook. He at first spelled a strange first name, Schenbeirg, but then showed me a Facebook page with a different Sharon Clark. [That was a pretty dramatic change in his story. Also a possible test to see if I was threatened by stalking or that an employer would look up something incorrect about me.] I said I didn't have a lot of friends on social media and wasn't upset. He said something like he wasn't sure before. He left and Nolan came in, first turning off the fan and saying people leave it on for no reason and Claire doesn't even let us have AC in the summer. He asked if I took French class at the… and said he saw the pictures. I asked him how he saw pictures. He paused, then said he was friends with one of the guys who goes there. I said I knew I hadn't talked about my personal life--He said it was okay, and left. Next came Colton. He was suppressing a smile and said ça va. He stayed in the kitchen for a few minutes then out then in. Nolan came back in, and said he won't ask me any more personal questions but wanted to know if I walked or took a bus to class, and if he could do that and how long it would take. He said he was thinking of taking a class in the winter. I said google maps gave good estimates. [Sometimes after I read a news story and react a little, the topic will continue to come up, becoming progressively more serious. In this case I believe I had been researching the dangers of stalking. Lucas asked me about stalking. Colton was one of the guys I suspected who had an excuse to enter the unsurveilled area in front of my room. Now Nolan was asking me in front of him about a place I go regularly and how I get there.] I went to do laundry. I did duolingo, journaled, and looked for jobs. Ellie passed and gave me a Werther's Original. I cleaned my room and bathroom listening to music from my bookmarks. While I was cleaning the bathroom, I looked up the song "Dangerous Woman" by Ariana Grande. I used to like this song but didn't use to pay attention to the parts I didn't. It had some suggestive lines in it. Kevin knocked on the door and mentioned he saw the light. (Didn't hear the music?) I said I locked it so... When I got back to my room his lady friend came and talked loudly with him. [Kevin appearing at that time furthers the narrative of the two of us getting together. His excuse was not believable. It is easy to hear through the door.] ...

Nov 24, I woke around 3, 7, and got up around 7:30 am, read Bible, prepped the shower, turned off the 8 am alarm, and read a story on Reddit of a vet being red flagged and an ensuing standoff. Torguard shut off. I was redirected to other pages or hit links? to a Ted Cruz page, and something about a Russian. [So that depiction of me was exposed.] A person gets in the shower at 8. … At church was a speaker who said society encourages giving via guilt trip, religious command, and psychological suggestion. Specifically he said they would put the smell of trash faint enough to not be obvious on mail to get people to feel a certain way… A person was talking throughout the sermon, the same as several weeks ago... While prepping lunch I saw the guy who recently came to Kevin's room and the girl who visits him. Kevin noted my door was a little crooked (as if implying he could fix it too). I said it was fine and left. I watched more youtube and posted a video about a multipurpose bookshelf. Apparently I get notifications from Facebook now. I watched the movie Insurgent. I posted a new article on my blog. The page kept refreshing when I tried to upload the featured image, then the button to select featured image stopped working, then the tab it was under stopped working.

Nov 25, I kept trying to post the article properly last night till 11 pm. I woke at around 3 am, and again after 4 am with what sounded like closing cabinet doors down the hall. I read the Bible around 5 am and tried to get back to sleep. More noises followed, such as doors closing. I woke/got up from 8-9:22... One thing of interest, the person upstairs was walking around a lot and stopped when I started to wake up. This and other cases suggest some percentage of the times I woke during the night were due to this person, which by now had demonstrated dangers to my health... In class they were talking about going to the doctor and the professor said if you start to have pains, set up an appointment soon, because you will wait a long time. I showed Mariah a headline someone was selling the used tissue of Celin Dion for $2,000. Isabella said she liked my signing. We worked through the hand out we were given last time. The professor had me read the part where I said I didn't know how the photocopier worked. [Given all the trouble I had getting a color copy of my work permit, this could function as a slight.] … While walking to my building a large cargo truck slowed, turned in behind me, and also sped down the adjacent intersection going the way it came. [In this case, if I was afraid of being raped, the appearance and suspicious behaviors of trucks like these would act as a threat. Of course I often see trucks and vans. Sometimes there is more clearly a threat. For example, in Tennessee, when pulling into the post office, all spots except one next to a large van were taken, and there was a line of cars blocking the other parking lot. They dispersed after I parked. In that case, I think the test was to see if I feared abduction. It seems to me, although the strategy doesn't make that much sense, that if I have evidence backed up with other people, then I won't fear abduction, but if I don't, then I will.] I heated up my food. As I was going to the kitchen I heard someone call "Kevin!" Then I saw Easton in the hall, holding his door partly open. He looked at me and said sorry. I read MTL blog and posted the poem "If" by Reynold Kipling in the comments of my post on Facebook of my newest article on my blog "Dear Men Who Flirt With Me." I continued to edit my ethics article...

Nov 26, I did not sleep till after 11, and woke around 5:40 am, and stayed awake for a while. I got up around 8:30 am... I asked to speak to someone who knows about stalking, and they directed me to a woman who coordinates legal appointments. I waited and read, and she called me in. I explained I was a refugee claimant and wanted to know about the danger and signs of stalking, as well as a critique of my brochure. She asked if I had gone to the police. I told her I gave video of a sexual assault and they left the case pending for months. She said she was not a lawyer, and went upstairs to find a counselor to review my brochure. After around 15 minutes at around 1:30 pm, a woman came into the room, and asked me if I had a place to live, support, and recommended I go see social services, tell the police, maybe get a restraining order. She could give me no information about stalking in general, and said it was important if I didn't feel safe. She also refused to look at my brochure saying it was not part of her job. She could think of no one I could ask. She seemed adamantly unhelpful with regards to the brochure. The legal coordinator asked me for specifics of what was going on in Canada with stalking. I said I didn't want to give specifics for my protection and for theirs. She recommended a different organization and gave me their address. The counselor said I shouldn't expect organizations to print my brochure en mass. [This seemed to concern her. The brochure contained generic public information on psychopaths and how to respond to them. It seems to me censorship is a priority of psychopaths. It is strange this broadly known information would be so threatening as well.] She left, and the legal coordinator gave me the name of a criminal lawyer to look at my sexual assault case if I wanted. I went from there to the other organization. The receptionist only spoke French and found a colleague who spoke English. [He was kind of laughing at my French abilities. -4/2/21] She invited me to her office and I explained again. She said their organization was not suitable, and it looked like I should talk to a psychologist expert in stalking. She called her colleague and discussed it. Her colleague wanted to know if it was at work, and if I knew the stalker. She gave me some places to ask. I went to the bike shop a few minutes late. Henry gave me tires to sort. When I asked for paper for the tags, he gave me a picture of a naked cyclist on the bottom. I threw part of the picture away. There wasn't a good spot to put them. A new guy came and became a member. I asked Henry if there were cardboard boxes in the trash. We went to look. When I got back, the man was in the room alone. I had left some of my things in there. I organized the tires nicely… The new member asked to take my picture with his bike. I asked why. He said if his camera worked, then said it didn't. I swept most of the floor, and when I grabbed my coat, the new member came back in the room...

Nov 27th, I woke up around 2:30? and did not fully get back to sleep for several hours. There were several noises including one bang from upstairs at around 4:20 am. Some kind of alarm went off around 7:30 am. I got up at around 8 and got ready. I read news and journaled, then went to the thrift store. I prepped salad first. At the end I couldn't find a broom again, so I used the small brush. I went to Renee at around 10 am. She spoke in French and I understood some. She had another woman translate that she had vacuumed the stairs, but they were still dirty. She gave me a small brush, and did not need me, so she sent me off to sort clothes. I got many tips as there are many things I don't know. I kept a coat after they cut the buttons off, and they said I should have said something before, and could get the buttons. One woman pulled a sleeveless shirt out of the winter basket and told me it didn't go there. I said, "Je sais." (I know.) I hadn't put it there. The woman who speaks English laughed to herself... When I was getting soup, Evelyn told me someone was trying to take my black bags, but she told them not to, and that I should put my things in the side room... I told the woman who speaks English at clothes sorting that I was here to get the buttons. She said the girl at the artisan shop had them, but she had gone to lunch. I asked if she had paper and pen so I could leave the woman a note to hold the buttons aside, and she showed me they were in the coat pocket... There was an art exhibit for victims of domestic violence by the stairs I go up. The artist said I could look around. He said when I speak French, I have a Russian accent. [I don't. Agent of foreign power is another basis on which a person can be assessed. Apparently they can just assert that for no reason, and the way they investigate is to broach the topic and see how you react. As I have discussed before, this topic has come up for months. It seemed to start I think when I was planning to come to Canada. The woman who worked at the grocery store was speaking something that sounded Russian in hushed tones to another guy when I was around.] Very few people were in class on time, around 6… He talked about the Canadian healthcare system, 811, consulting a pharmacist, etc. During break Mariah picked up my scarf from the floor saying it shouldn't go there. She sat around the corner and Emily wasn't there. Bruce put his phone facing me for a long time. We were going over a list of questions the doctor may ask you on your first visit, and we were to add some. Ava said they may ask you about your mental health. The professor thought they wouldn't be so direct and would ask about appetite and sleep and infer. Class ended a few minutes early… Lucas was in the kitchen and smiled at me. He asked me to wish him luck as he had a very full pan of soup. I saw Easton. I finished duolingo, read news, and sent emails and Facebook messages to people asking for commentary on the brochure. I straightened my room, and got ready for bed.

Nov 28th, I woke twice, including around 4 am for 1 hour and got up 8:30-9 am. Last night I found a cut that looks like it came from a knife in the plastic trash bag I put the blankets and coat from the thrift store in. [I had closed it up with an elastic in case of bugs. This would mean the bugs could escape.] Last night and another previous night, I heard noises suggesting intimate activities nearby. I got two replies to my narcissist brochure. Two people (Les Carter and Christine Louis de Canoville) said the brochure was good and asked how I planned to distribute it. These two were the ones I had filled out an online contact form for. The others I would expect to see a reply to the email I sent. Those people did not respond. I got ready. Kevin got in the bathroom, so I did some duolingo while I waited. I walked to the bus. A guy was laughing out loud on my street. I went to a library and worked on a French translation to my brochure, and printed off a copy. Very few people were in class. I sent an email to Christine saying I wasn't familiar with mass distribution but could look into it. [This was the question they both asked me, and was also a concern to the councilor.] The professor came out of the back room. I read the French translation and tried to find things that didn't translate well. I asked the professor two questions about it. I put it away. Mariah sat next to me. Emily didn't come again today. The professor picked up health. I role played with Mariah. She seemed uncomfortable. We were not comfortable together, and after we finished she took notes and didn't talk. [There was a smell, like feces. Mariah was moving in her chair in such a way that I would be likely to smell unpleasant things. Psychopaths think of themselves as skillful mental manipulators. They may have wanted to condition me with the negative stimulation. The previous class when it seemed I did something they didn't like, I heard Mariah sigh in a frustrated way. She didn't look at her phone, and it didn't appear as though anyone spoke to her. Now there was an unpleasant smell. It made me think that someone was paying attention in church when the pastor talked about psychologically conditioning people with the smell of trash. Another thing that happened in a previous class, Mariah volunteered that she liked to go swimming in her building, and described a little where she lived. She showed calm at the prospect that someone might see her in a state of less modesty, which is what Bruce had been probing her about before. This is what nice informants will tell you to do to pass the harassment test. You have to remain calm and show you aren't bothered. It is also true of narcissists in general. However, as this case demonstrates, it will only prevent them from trying to hurt you in that specific way, and they may find other opportunities. This is another example of an informant being abused.] Ava sat on the other side of me. They spoke fast sometimes over me. But at that point no one was talking to me. I opened duolingo and then Isabella said I looked like a girl from a Netflix series "Dirty John." [I had done something else, and that showed I wasn't bothered by being ignored.] Class commenced. At break I worked more on the French translation. There was a piece of trash by the trash can. I had been acting irked at messes recently. The last exercise invited us to share stories from our medical history. Class ended a few minutes early… The printer at the library didn't work. I went home. I saw the guy who lives in the old surveillance room standing in his doorway, staring at me for a few seconds. Kevin's door was open. I made food and surveillance guy was in the kitchen. I ate and sent Les Carter a response. Christine offered to post my brochure on her social media. I hope to finalize it in the next few days...

Nov 29th, I woke around 4:30 and stayed awake for 2 hours. I read Bible and tried to get back to sleep, but spilled my water on my night stand. I moved my journal and Bible. My phone turned off but works fine when I turned it on. I did not get back to sleep for another hour, had many dreams, and woke several times before getting up at 9. I listened to and posted a worship song, We Exalt Thee, for my Facebook page. When I listened to it again, someone was talking with Kevin. Tor Guard was off when I posted it. I took screenshots of the emails Les and Christine sent me. When I tried to get the one from Les, at first it didn't want to come up.

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I rode my bike to class. On one street, there was a guy on the bike path in front dragging a foot and 2 cars coming up behind. If I had passed without looking I could have been in danger. Emily was in class. I showed the professor my French translation of the brochure and we discussed things that didn't translate well. I showed Emily an MTL story. She has been sick, and still is a bit. We continued the topic of health. He didn't have print outs so we wrote and discussed. We got to role play where I was to ask Emily her symptoms like a doctor. I was supposed to tell the class after, but we didn’t do that. She told me about being sick. Afterwards I talked for a while about health articles I had read. I showed her lemon ginger tea and Emergen-C. She took pictures and was happy. She also shared part of her muffin with me. We had a break. Isabella was telling people they had to speak in Spanish when the professor was out (joking). I tried a few phrases. There were many phrases and vocabulary. We listened to audio of a doctor saying a woman's hypertension wasn't responding to medication, and he was going to refer her to a psychologist. Ava looked my way, and the people around her got up for a minute. [I had what felt like hypertension sometimes. One reason I might not want to go to the doctor is so the doctor doesn't claim it is just due to psychological stress, and add to a narrative that I am crazy and not credible. Ava is the one who said the doctor would ask about mental health. Everyone else around her got up, so I could more clearly react to her specifically. So it seemed I was being threatened that if I went to get help, it could be used against me, thus possibly damaging my health and my ability to protest abuses.] At the end of class, the professor put idioms on the board and we discussed. [One was "laugh yellow," or nervous laughter. It reminded me of what some informants do to conceal their fears. -5/12/21] Class ended 10 minutes early. I… bought 6 passages for RTL. I did not see it on the card. Also, while I waited in line, a guy stood close and touched me, asking if this was the line. [I was holding my wallet during a time they suspected I may have evidence in it. This may have been a test to see if I was nervous he might take it. -3/19/20] I told him in French where the ticket counter was. I also went there and was told the purchase did not go through and bought it there… As I heated food, Lucas passed and said hi. I saw Kevin in the Bureau with Easton. Someone played old music loudly… Mom PMed me on Facebook asking if I would be home for Christmas. I said I did not plan to but posted my Christmas decor and pics. Mom said dad wanted to know the nature of my status in Canada. I said I prefer not to say exactly, but after around 6 months my status would be reviewed. I said Canada was less Lord of the Flies than the US. She said she hasn't seen too many LOTF types, but we have run in different circles and wished me well. Someone is playing Arabic music at 10:24 pm.

Nov 30th, I woke around 4:30 am. As I started getting back to sleep, the person upstairs walked around for a long while. I rested till around 6, and started browsing the internet till I fell asleep. I woke around 9:45 am with Easton talking down the hall. I... went to the library and started typing my paper on power dynamics. The woman next to me told me in French "The boys play and the girls think." ... I made food. One of the guys who flirted in the laundry room with me came in to cook. Nolan came in and looked at my food in the microwave then another microwave. I was looking at him, so he asked me "what?" I said "nothing." He turned off the oven vent. The next guy was Mr Surveillance. I ate and went back for seconds. Lucas was in the kitchen...

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