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Thomas comes running downstairs as my scream echoed through the house. He stands at the doorway with a baffled look on his face, putting one and one together. He comes running towards me, pushes me aside and deletes the email. I just look at him and say, "I already saved a copy.".
The letter encompassed every one of my doubts I had about our relationship. He tells her that he always loved her and that he wanted nothing more than to be with her for the past 10 years. It's 2009 and Tom and I had been married for almost 9 years then. He goes on to tell her that he had realized during his deployment that he can't live without her. He said he couldn't bare the thought of dying downrange without ever seeing her again. I was just a sex relationship and have meant nothing to him. He tells her he never loved me and was always just thinking of her.
We go over to our sofa and sit down. He starts telling me that everything I just read was true and that he wants to make it work with her. He wants to get a divorce and I just look at him in disbelief. Then it dawned on me, "You know what? You are just like your dad! You are doing the exact same thing he has done to your mom and your family!". Then his whole demeanor changes, it's as if a switch has flipped in his head right then and there and he says that he changed his mind, that he loves me and wants to be with me instead.
I told him I will need some time to think about all of this. I ask him to show me his other email account, a military one he also had, and there were many emails in there, always both of them confessing how much they love each other and making plans on how they'll be able to live together. She was still married with a kid herself, when she responded to one of his emails that she can't wait to be my daughter's mom. That they will be a happy family. My husband had told her that he'd have to unfortunately move me to where they'd be living, since I am his daughter's mom.
I couldn't believe what I was reading. It sounded to me as if they were making plans on how to kill me. Her being happy to be my daughter's mom??? That was probably the worse line of text I have read in my entire life.
He emails her and breaks it off with her and keeps begging me to give him another chance. This is all happening a few days before his next one year deployment to Iraq. I tell him I will need some time and that him being deployed will give us some space and time to think about everything.
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