Questions On Motherhood - Entry#18 (Children on Board)

Mother's Day is coming in a couple of months. the American Mother's Day anyway. I know the UK Mother's Day just passed.
People say, Mother's Day is every day. I agree. Motherhood is hard; Motherhood is confusing.

Motherhood is the best thing I've ever done.

I was asked these questions a few years ago: Thought I'd share. Would love your feedback.

What is a day like for a busy mother like you? Please share.

There isn’t a typical day, unfortunately! I am a complete madhatter and your proverbial “White Rabbit from alice in Wonderland’ that is always late for a meeting, overbooks her appointments, and is always looking for my phones or a pen and notebook. They’re always somewhere in my big bag of everything!
I work as a consultant for a government linked agency, a UN agency for the duration of their fundraising campaign and at Yayasan Chow Kit, which I co founded. I am also child activist.
It's crazy busy all the time.
My good normal day, officially starts about 6:30am on a school day. Spend about 10 minutes trying to drag my son out of bed, run down to have breakfast with the kids- sometimes my mum cooks breakfast, or the maid or I will my speciality is scrambled eggs) and I’ll have my cup of coffee and then we’re changed and off to the races by 7:15am. I drop my son off at school on my way to work and my daughter goes by school because her school is in the opposite direction.
I also have adopted 2 other children ( one is already 21 years old and doesn't live with me: the other 12 year old, lives with his father (long story) and am guardian to 2 stateless, special needs boys.
My work revolves around child rights issues.
The work is a good balance of knowing some of the issues very well, from the ground up and from a bigger perspective, sooming in. I can fill in the gaps a lot faster in the area of children, for example, learn more about other issues from my NGO friends and contacts, reading up on this or asking friends in the corporate and government agencies.

Even though I work for Yayasan Chow Kit again, my work focuses on advocacy or case management work although I really try hard not to do the actually rescues and raids unless I really, really have to.

Then it's home, with kids, dinner, homework and rest time for half an hour. I don't have a helper so everything is takeout or something I pick up from the grocery store. Sometimes, I cook.

The kids are in bed by 8:30. I try to make sure they’re asleep before I have my SKYPE meetings with work stuff ( I am the temporary focal person for UNRWA ( United Nations Relief and Work Agency) that works with the 5 million Plaestinian refugees here in South East Asia or on cases elsewhere in Malaysia. Which means that I work about 9pm till about 1 am, 2 or 3 times a week, talking to Jerusalem or organizing meetings and asking for appointments with government agencies.
And the I sleep, usually for 4 or 5 hours a day.
I know it's not enough!
Weeekends are better. Today is better. I sleep in till about 7:30am. Cook breakfast in pyjamas, then run around with kids for capoeira classes, grocery shopping, lunch outside with kids, maybe a movie, English classes, music classes then, what the kids and I call, movie night, where we make popcorn and watch something on my laptop or on DVD. There’s rugby practise , family time and dinner with grandma, aunts and uncles and then getting ready for school on Monday.
There's sometimes Gin Rummy games with my mother and siblings which I love.
My crazy days are mad! People call me to help with their children. Mothers abandon their children- can I pick up the babies please ( One stranger actually asked me if I was the baby collector. I said no, I am a child protector or I try anyway), arrange with social workers to accompany frightened children to hospitals, beg homes to take children in, look for money for individual families, beg police and authorities for help, interviews with journalists on opinions relating to child protection issues or cases and just praying I get home on time, so I at least get to see the kids before they go to sleep.

  Why did you choose to work with underprivileged children? Share the story on how you venture into this path.

I’ve always known I wanted to work with children and am happiest when I’m engaging with them. Long story. I’ve always loved working with kids. I knew since I was 6 years old I was going to be a teacher. I was a volunteer for different not for profit organizations in New York and worked in soup kitchens and was a candy striper for St. Vincent Hospitals making the rounds with my magazine cart and buddying up with young Aids patients. So it was natural step for me to work with underprivileged kids here.

    How did you come to choose to adopt your children as your own? Share the story of how the adoption came about.

There’s this poem about special children and their conversation with God. Where God asks each and every child before they are born, whom they want to as parents and these children point out who they want.

A meeting was held quite far from Earth!
It's time again for another birth.
Said the Angels to the LORD above,
This Special Child will need much love.

His progress may be very slow,
Accomplishments he may not show.
And he'll require extra care
From the folks he meets down there.

He may not run or laugh or play,
His thoughts may seem quite far away,
In many ways he won't adapt,
And he'll be known as handicapped.

So let's be careful where he's sent,
We want his life to be content.
Please LORD, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you.

They will not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play,
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.

And soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for their gift from Heaven.
Their precious charge, so meek and mild,
Is HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD.

by Edna Massionilla

The kids chose me, so I got lucky.It just happened that the situation was such that It was just the natural thing to do to adopt my kids. I promise I didn’t choose them. I just agreed.

     Please share the challenges you face as a mother to these children and how do you overcome it? Please be as elaborate as you can.

Time and doing homework is one of the challenges. Kids are always complaining that I don’t spend enough time with them and I suffer from a huge guilt complex.
The still ask why I’m a single mum. I’m divorced and have been for a while. Kids have a hard time why they don’t have a daddy. Always having to explain that it takes all kinds to make a family. In our family, there’s a mother, and a grandma and lots of aunts and uncles and cousins who love them.
They’re 12 and 10 and into rugby and music. I have officially turned into a rugby mum!! Never thought the day that I would.
Really, it’s really about trying to balance between being crazy mum and good mum, daddy and mummy and just praying I am doing okay by them and if I’m not, then I have then next day to try again. And if it’s still not enough, well then, too bad…I tried.

Oh, and I'm always confused and tired and disorganised.

       Share two examples where you had a A-Ha! moment in your life in regards to being a hands-on parent to your adopted children.

Aha moment- was actually last week when Zara, my daughter begged me to make my special Mac and Cheese dish and bring it to the Chinese New Year potluck lunch at school with other parents and students. She was beaming and so so happy that I came ( and early at that) and sat on my lap while we caught the tail end of a reading competition with her classmates. Her face expression said it all and I knew I had to find a way to build many more of these kinds of moments.
Zaid, my son and attending his first rugby full-on practice last weekend. He kept looking over and waving at me, to see if I was watching his game.

           What is the most fulfilling about being a parent to these children?

Making happy memories for them and building love and trust and confidence so they can learn and experience life and make great decisions when their older.
I am just truly fascinated by them, how they’re shaping themselves and coming into their own.
I get to to also relive a lot of good stuff I did when I was a child- going to Legoland for the first time or going to Disneyland for the first time. Or making a book together with Zara for her school project and doing a family tree with Zaid for his school project.

Best things- the hugs and kisses I get although they are getting less and less as they grow older.

Sharing my memories as a child with them and I get to look at things through their eyes

                Tell me a bit about each of your child?

Zara just turned 10. She’s more introspective and a little more shy when she meets people. She’s a little poet and story teller and share my loves of reading books and writing funny stories. She comes up with the funniest words and asks the wisest questions. Very stubborn. But she writes the most beautiful stories and draws the most gorgeous, colour filled pictures.
Zaid is 12, and my twin. He is me! My mum says he’s my karma, coming back to haunt me 10 times worse. He gets into trouble all the time, dreams, a charmer, hates studying, great at anything that moves or has rhythm. Outdoorsy boy. Loves, rugby, soccer, capoeira. Fiercely loyal to me and my no 1 protector. He laughs at anything and will try to weasel himself out of reading a book or studying. But you can just watch him fly when he’s dancing or running. Sheer joy and happiness when moving.

In what way, have your life changed once you became a mother. Please share and be as honest and candid as you can.

I think I’m a lot calmer and grounded and am less selfish and I think I’ve grown up a lot with the children while being a mother. I’ve looked at life more positively and with lots more interest because I see lots of things like it’s the first time again…through the lens and perspective from the children. Candy floss taste different if it’s purple than if it’s pink, baking cupcakes is about the icing not the cake and the toppings you use because we get to lick the bowl.
Reading is about fairies and magic and colouring within the lines is not as fun unless I do it with Zara.

Walking school hallways brings back memories of me in school and things look so different now. Having children, being a mummy is just a million of experiences that you share and remember and it’s old and new and it’s about love and faith and fun and wonderment and I feel alive and good and responsible and…a child too..again!

I like Motherhood, the good, the bad and the ugly!