My father started to look for me with the relatives of the family at the county government office. He probably thought that after a year, I should have the power, and the person who made the meeting also made a deal. It is time to do things for the family. It is.
1：
When I was in the fourth semester, I participated in the Provincial Public Examination.
I have no idea why I should be a civil servant when I was 22 years old. The people around me said that girls are good civil servants, and parents hope that I can work in the system. So I am a liberal arts student with a heart of "returning to the garden" and unknowingly returning after graduating in 2013. When I went to my hometown of Northern Jiangsu, I became a civil servant.
On August 31 of that year, I officially went to the county government to report. My father drove his convertible tricycle and sent me all the way to the county government. The car was stopped by a security guard in his 50s. He gave us a squint and his tone was not good: "What, don't you know where this is?"
The father hurriedly handed a cigarette and accompanied him with a smile: "My niece just took the civil servant here this year and reported it today."
The security guard's face finally eased. I looked at us again and put the cigarette in my hand. My father rushed forward to ignite. The security guard squinted a cigarette and patted his father's shoulder. He said, "Old brother, I am not talking about you. You took the daughter to the unit on the first day and opened the broken three rounds. I don't know how to give her. Long face?"
My father looked at the hospital and found that several young people of my age seemed to be waiting to report. They were parked behind their cars, and even Audi and BMW. The father's face turned from red to white, and the tricycle was lowered with his head down and stopped in an inconspicuous corner outside the courtyard.
After stopping the car, my father picked up my backpack and went to the hospital. He sighed: "My daughter became an official, but I am still an useless person!"
Although the father said that he was a "mud-legged", he actually only planted a few years. In the year I was born, our family moved from the village to the town. My father opened a repair shop to help others repair the car. In the early years, it was a bicycle repair, and later a motorcycle. Now it is mainly an electric car. He always loves to show off with others and says how he has changed the whole family from "village people" to "town people" with one person, and also cultivated two college students. I usually hate him for squirting the stars, but compared to the old man who is pulling his head, I think he is more pleasing to the cow.
The father’s dark mood did not last long. As soon as he entered the yard, he immediately took out his usual welcoming three treasures: "Live a smile, deliver cigarettes, climb the family tree", and greet the other parents who sent off.
After waiting for more than an hour, someone finally came to us to go to the conference room, and the parents waited in the same place. A leader simply said some scenes of "doing his job and building a hometown", and then the staff of the Bureau of Human Resources and Social Security gave a name, and the person who arrived at it followed the leader of "taking people."
I am taking the Agriculture Bureau, and there is another girl with me. The Agriculture Bureau is located on the 8th floor of the county government office building, with a total of 7 offices occupying half a floor. I was assigned to a comprehensive section in charge of reception, sending and receiving documents, meeting preparations, etc., and the same girls were assigned to the Finance Section. The head of the general section is a man in his 30s, surnamed Zhang, who is said to have been a language teacher for two years. In addition to me, there is a woman and a man. The woman is in her early 30s. Everyone calls her Wang Jie. The man looks like twenty-four and five years old and calls himself Liu Meng.
After knowing the office, Zhang Ke took me to the office next door to meet the director. The director is a man of about 50 years old. He talks with a wide face. I don’t dare to speak out except to say "yes". I sneaked at the Zhang Kechang on the side, and he was also a warlike squad.
From the office of the director, Zhang Kechang and I involuntarily sighed. Seeing that I was scared, Zhang Kechang patted me on the shoulder and said, "Our director is like this. I don't like to laugh. I have strict requirements for subordinates. You only need to work hard. Don't worry too much." Waiting for me downstairs, he told me to get off work early and go home with my father earlier.
When I went downstairs, I met the girl who reported with me. She carries a small bag and seems to be working early. She said that she is Wu Qing, a graduate of Hunan University in accounting, who is one year younger than me. She lives in the neighborhood next to the county government and works for 5 minutes.
When I got downstairs, my father still waited in the same place, and no other parents were around. The father said that in order to celebrate the first day of work, they took their children to the restaurant to eat: "Do we want to go to the county to go back to the restaurant?"
Out of the gate of the county government, my father insisted on the electric tricycle when he was not open. Fortunately, the road was very close, and we quickly reached the center of the county. At first, my father wanted to go to a hotel that looked very high-end, but after taking the menu handed by the waiter, we took a look and tacitly got up and left.
"This is too pituitting, a plate of green peppers and potatoes should be 30? The restaurant in our town is at most 6 yuan." Father walked and chanted. I was silent and did not answer the words. The small bag that Wu Qing back suddenly appeared in front of me - if I remember correctly, the package is roughly 5,000 yuan.
Finally, we entered a fast food restaurant, ordered two soups and two soups, and filled the stomach with rice.
After the meal, we returned to the county government to pick up the car. On the empty square in front of the county government, I stood side by side with my father, letting the evening wind of August pass through the towering county government building and pour into our sleeves.
That night, my father said to me: "daughter, the old Chen family will rely on you to give us a fight!"
2：
Newly recruited civil servants are required to undergo a one-week closed training. We are scheduled to be held at a hotel in the city.
The night before the departure, my mother was helping me pack my bags. When the father came in and asked the mother a few words, he did not leave. I guess he has something to say, so he stops what he is doing.
Sure enough, he meditated for a long while, and slowly said: " I thought about half a night last night, and found that the official has no relationship have no hope. On the day of the report, I explored the family situation of your civil servants, most of them. They are all children of the official family. I heard that there is a son who is also the deputy head of the county. You take advantage of the training and walk around with them, do a good job of relationship, and find something to help them in the future." He said from I found a stack of red banknotes in my pocket and stuffed it into my backpack. "Please eat some delicious food. Young people will soon be familiar with each other. Don't suffocate your head."
I have a bang in my head - although I have been eccentric about my father's "communication", I never thought he would ask me to do the same. I am proud of myself, and I can’t accept such an aunt’s own self.
My mother seems to understand my mind and blame my father: "The prostitute is still so small. Why did you infuse your set to her early? And she is a little girl, her face is thin, what can I do?"
The father took a look at his eyes and rebuked his mother: "What do women and women know? You see that it is not slick to see which county towns have the skills? Where to find things to do. The prostitutes can work with these decent children, of course, It’s a good relationship. Others want to get rid of them.
My mother still seems to want to refute, but I really don't want to see them arguing for my things, and rushing to keep things quiet: "I know I know, I will tie them up, will you?"
The father stopped talking and finally said: "What is not the same, you are not the same as civil servants?"
Although I promised my father on the surface, in the week of training, except for Wu Qing, I did not have too much contact with other people - it was not deliberately excluded, but only those "official children" knew a lot when they were young. Have their own small circles.
Wu Qing is a lively girl. On the first day, she almost added the WeChat of everyone in the training class. Both teachers and students love to chat with her. I think of the "task" that my father gave me. I thought, probably Wu Qing is what his expected daughter looks like.
Because it is a "dear" colleague and lives in the same room, Wu Qing waits for me to be more enthusiastic than others. I always love to eat and rest. When she returned to the room in the evening, she would pull out a bunch of small snacks from the box and pull me to eat and talk about gossip. For example, the son of the deputy magistrate’s family, who had been tested for 4 times, was forced to test it, because he had been jealous of his fight since he was a child, so he was easy to stutter when he spoke; and the niece of the director of education, just the son of the director of the inspectorate. In the past, both of them are in this new civil servant...
Half of my envy, I said, "You are really loved, and you are so familiar with everyone."
She sighed and pretended to say helplessly: "Hey, my dad is doing business. I took me out of practice since I was a child. I have long been familiar with this kind of thing. Many friends have many roads. Nothing bad."
“What business is your business?”
"For real estate, the community I live in is developed by my family." She did not care.
I decided to shut up now.
On the day of the training, it was Friday. Wu Qing called everyone to go to the only five-star hotel in the county to eat and celebrate our “out of the sea”. I didn't want to go, but she was still dragged by her.
On the wine table, Wu Qing took everyone and introduced himself again. She first opened the scene: "My name is Wu Qing, the agricultural bureau is a small accountant. I love to play the piano and love to travel. The family is selling the house. If you need to buy a house later, you can find me to discount."
The voice is still down, there are boys starting from the bottom: "The most important information is not said, is it single?"
Wu Qing replied generously: "Soon single!"
The cheers and the applause sounded, and I can see that several boys in the room are already eager to try.
With Wu Qing's introduction template, the next person will follow the gourd painting. Some people introduced that their parents are teaching, in fact, the father is the principal; others introduced that their parents are civil servants, in fact, one is the director, one is the township chief; of course, there are also some introductions that their family is doing business or parents are working in business, but because I didn't listen to Wu Qing who talked about their gossip, so I can't guess the truth.
When it was my turn, I said that my family is doing a car business. Wu Qing squinted at the side and asked, "Would you like to change your car to work every day?"
3:
The days of formal work are calm and boring. I get up at 6:30 every morning, take the earliest bus to the county, and after 1 hour, I will get off at the previous station of the county government and go on the work again - since I said the "home car business" lies I am very afraid of being told by others that I am commuting by bus. Sometimes Wu Qing asks, I can only say that I have "driving phobia", and can only be picked up by my family.
My work in the Comprehensive Section is mainly to assist Wang Jie in distributing materials and preparing for meetings and conferences; Liu Meng is responsible for attending meetings with the Secretary or on business trips; Mr. Zhang is responsible for various report materials and speeches. Compared with Liu Meng and Zhang Kechang, my work with Wang Jie is easy and free. This is a special care for lesbians in the institutional units, but it means that many female civil servants can only be a member of their lives. .
However, according to my observation, there are very few women around the civil service as their own career. Wang Jie is a typical female civil servant model in the county town. After graduating from college, she entered the unit and got married at the age of 25. Her husband is the son of Zhu Kechang, the next office, working in the Water Resources Bureau. Now my daughter has just entered kindergarten, and every day she goes to school, she is picked up by Wang Jie. Sometimes there are activities in the kindergarten. Wang Jie only needs to speak with Zhang Kechang and can not be used to work all day. If she encounters a daughter who is ill, Wang Jie can also take a week off without worrying about deducting wages.
"The civil servant does not deduct wages. It is the same to do more and less money." Wang Jie explained.
Although I know that the salary of civil servants is not high, I was a little surprised when I got the salary of 1,800 yuan in the first month. Wang Jie said that the first year of civil servants will be the probationary salary, which will double in the second year. I counted it, even if it doubled, it was only 3,600 yuan. I think that the classmates who work in Shanghai in the class group have already paid seven or eight thousand. I don’t think it is a taste.
Wu Qing did not care about the wages. He asked for a treat, and took a group of people to a newly opened music bar. He spent the night to spend his salary.
Although the father said, "There is less wages and less," but it is still embarrassing: "When I have finished my hard work, I am admitted to the iron rice bowl, and finally I will pay for this money?"
The life of the civil servant was unremarkably passed to the second year. I finally turned positive and got a monthly salary of 3,600 yuan. Repeated commute routes every day, tired of the fields of the four seasons on the roadside, I began to feel a sense of powerlessness.
Although I was originally selected for the career of “decent” and “stable”, I still hope to be able to make achievements in my work. Especially in the same age who has the superiority of "innate conditions" such as Wu Qing, I can only have the opportunity to catch up.
With a sigh of relief, I began to come to the unit early every day, cleaned, burned hot water in advance, and filled everyone's cups. Copying materials and setting up conference rooms are also rushing.
Once the director went to work in advance, I saw that I was dragging the floor in the office, and came up to say hello to me and talked a few words. He asked me to come to the unit for a year, and what is responsible for it. I said that I was playing behind the Queen.
He frowned and said, "How do young people do this? I remember that you graduated from the journalism department. When I talked to Secretary Zhang, let him write with you."
In my heart, I was so happy that in the organs, the "pens" were heavily influenced by the leadership. Zhang Kechang was rewarded by the Secretary by means of a handwritten material. Although he was only a section chief in name, the actual power was second only to the Secretary.
In the afternoon, after Mr. Zhang came out from the office of the director, he called me to the conference room and looked at me in a strange way. He said with a smile: "How, Xiao Chen, do you think that the things you are doing now are overkill?"
I quickly waved and said: "No, the Secretary took the initiative to ask me to learn materials from you."
He stared at my face and didn't talk, I waited nervously. As a result, he suddenly laughed: "What are you nervous about, it is a good thing for young people to be motivated. As your leader, I am too happy to be there. You will be my first female apprentice tomorrow."
Although Zhang Kechang smiled amiablely, I still saw the alert from his eyes. Sure enough, he said that he would teach me to write materials, but in fact only let me do some scattered data collection work. For example, on the Internet, collect the recent speeches of the leaders and call the towns and villages to urge them to submit various reports.
On one occasion, in order to summarize the agricultural subsidy materials of various towns and villages, I ran for two weeks in a township and township, and then collected all the materials. However, Liu Meng told me privately that the materials I brought were simply not used: "You don't know that Zhang Kechang is eating this bowl of rice for writing materials? You did not make it clear that you want to grab his rice bowl? Zhang The chief of the department is a graduate of college. He has always been jealous of the young college graduates of our undergraduate degree. You fierce brother, I used to be a talented Chinese language teacher. Do you think that I am willing to follow the secretary? I wrote an article about Zhang Kechang. Next, I will kill him in minutes - but what can I do? People are older than you, the position is higher than you, and the relationship is wider than you. If you want to fix you, you have no way.
"So, old girl, brother advised you not to be too true. You look at the people Wu Qing, dressed up every day to the unit, do the calculations, do not worry about things, settle down and be flattering."
Liu Meng’s words made me look at each other. I always thought that he was a "follow-up" of the director. He didn't have any idea and didn't think about it. He didn't expect him to hide all his talents.
4:
One thing that happened shortly after, completely verified Liu Meng’s warning to me.
That time, the director needed a report material temporarily. Zhang Kechang had a leave of absence at home. In desperation, I had to "catch the ducks on the shelves." I didn't expect that the material that I even worked out overtime at night had been praised by the superiors. The Secretary was very happy. I was praised at the weekly meeting and praised Zhang Kechang jokingly. "Xiao Zhang, you are the pen of the Agricultural Bureau." I am afraid I can't keep my position!"
Zhang Kechang looked at me with a squint and said with a smile: "Where can I compare these young people, Xiao Chen’s talent is obvious to all. I must train well in the future and let her take over as soon as possible."
Liu Meng in the front row looked back at me with anxiety. After I realized it, I buried my head deeply.
Not long after, Zhang Kechang sent me the task of distributing newspapers in the name of "cultivating writing materials that required political thinking." This was originally the work of Yan Jie, a temporary worker in the office next door, but Yan Jie always mistaken the order of the newspapers and made the director very dissatisfied.
"This kind of cultural life has to be handed over to people with culture." Zhang Kechang decided to make a decision.
After that, I spend all my time every morning in distributing newspapers. After the postman sent the bundles of unfinished newspapers, I moved them to the table to arrange them, sorted them, and then sorted the ingredients in order. They were stacked neatly and sent to the heads of the department heads and section chiefs. The Secretary’s one, I need extra care. The Secretary doesn’t like the newspaper’s pleats or irregularities. Since I was beaten once, I used a ruler to press it on the newspaper, and I’m afraid of a trace. difference.
I used to know that there are so many kinds of newspapers, from daily newspapers to weekly newspapers to magazines. I have a lot of eyesight. Even if I spend a week, I might not be able to read the newspapers of the day.
Zhang Kechang still let me do the collection of materials, but I have no chance to write the material - in the next six months, Zhang Kechang did not ask for a day off. My accumulated enthusiasm for work has been ruined day by day, my body is getting tired every day, and sometimes I can stare at the potted plants on the table for a long time.
Once, I was sorting the newspapers in the conference room. The sun penetrated through the window. I saw myself 40 years later: wearing a sleeve and stacking them with wrinkled hands, as if forever A stack of newspapers. I suddenly felt scared.
Wu Qing often talks to me while I am stacking newspapers. At that time she was in the middle of the son of the deputy magistrate and the son of the director of the Water Resources Bureau. Wang Jie has been jealous of her son, who is the director of the Water Resources Bureau. However, Wu Qing’s father is more interested in the son of the deputy magistrate. The reason is also very simple: “The election of the husband is of course a large one.”
5:
Just when I was wronged, my father started to look for me with my relatives at home. He probably thinks that after a year, I should have the power, and the people who made the meeting also made a deal. It is time to do things for the old Chen family.
For the first time, he took the uncle to find me about poverty subsidies. It’s not easy for a uncle to cry out of his life with a nose and a tear. He also talked about the old things that he often took me to catch fish when he was a child.
I asked Liu Meng for help, but Liu Meng said that only Zhang Kechang had done the Lord. I wanted to give up, but I remembered the tears of my uncle, I can only talk about it with the scalp and Zhang Kechang. Probably my recent depression performance made Zhang Kechang very satisfied. He quickly called and added a quota to the township. Hanging up the phone, he looked at me meaningfully and laughed twice. He said, "Yes, Xiao Chen, I know how to help my family so quickly."
If I said that in front of Zhang Kechang, I still retain a trace of self-esteem that "does not bow down", then this initiative to bow down and ask for help, let me completely vent.
When I got home, I fired my father for the first time. I almost snarled: "Who do you think I am? The county magistrate or the county party secretary? I am a little person who drinks tea and sends newspapers. I don't have that big power. I don't have it now. I won't have it in the future. Don't bring messy relatives to look for me!"
The father patted the table and the whole person bounced off the chair. He said to me not to be outdone: "You are a white-eyed wolf. If you enter the official door, the six-parent will not recognize it. Let you be an official. Isn't it a good idea to have someone at home?" Isn't this done today?"
I suddenly vented my breath: Yes, my father’s intentions I didn’t know very well long ago? My relatives in the family are asking me for help, don’t I want to help them support me in the future? Was this road originally chosen by me?
I feel a sadness in vain, as if life is caught in an absurd circle - the excitement is someone else, I have nothing.
Because the uncle of the table became a thing, my "skills" were passed on in the relatives circle. My father led my relatives to find me several times, but they were blocked by me. Once I was absent, my father happened to run into Wu Qing. Wu Qingyi heard that he was my father. He took out his mobile phone on the spot and called it to one of her suitors. He did it in a few words.
This incident suddenly made my father realize that it is not enough to rely on an ordinary civil servant's daughter. To make an "official official" family can make the old Chen family really "out of the box" in the county. But with his connections, it is difficult to find such a "gateway", so he made something that made me particularly embarrassed.
In order to facilitate the contact, the Agriculture Bureau has a “Contact Manual” with the telephone and address of all colleagues. After the father found the roster from my bag, he actually sent two boxes of grapes to the section chiefs, directors, and directors of the department. The name was to thank the leaders for their love for the first time, but Everything in the words reveals the idea of "hoping that the leader can introduce a good husband".
This move of my father made me a joke in the bureau. Everyone took out and joked with me from time to time: "Xiao Chen, is the object found? Or will I introduce you to one?" Even other units are I know that the Agriculture Bureau has a girl who is "emergency to marry". Everyday work is really a torment for me.
But isn't it the same for going home? Every day at home, facing the father "Is someone introducing you to the object?", "You didn't ask yourself", "Why didn't you go to the various units to see" three questions, I changed from the initial anger to the final numbness . I am willing to stroll around the road, and I am not willing to step into the door of the lamp that is not far away.
The leaders who received the grapes really introduced me to two objects.
The first time was Director Wang, who introduced the son of his old colleague and worked in the township. The boy is tall and thin and looks honest and honest. But my father heard that people were just township civil servants. After seeing it once, he refused him for me. The second time was that the Secretary personally came forward and introduced the nephew of the deputy director of the Social Security Bureau, working in the tax bureau. My father is very happy and wants to marry this marriage, but a girl like me who is neither beautiful nor active is naturally difficult to enter the eyes of this son. After learning that "I was not seen", my father squatted in the chair and said nothing, but I was relieved.
"You don't know how to dress yourself, wear a rustic, and don't talk to boys. No wonder people don't look at you. You see Wu Qing, who is more fashionable, has a sweet mouth, and chases her behind her. The child is not catching a lot."
I glanced at my dress, the sweater and jeans, and the whole body added up to 100 yuan. I think of Wu Qing’s beautiful dress every day. The phrase “Daddy is selling a house, you are a car repairer”, rushed to the mouth, or swallowed back to life.
Wu Qing did not know where to hear the wind and advised me: "My dad is like your dad, always reminding me, I am not happy to live. I am not looking for an object, I will introduce you."
At this point, she has officially elected the son of the deputy county magistrate as a boyfriend. At night, she really brought a boy. The boy asked me during the meeting: "Listen to Wu Qing, is your home doing a car business? Is it a brand agent or a 4S chain monopoly?"
After listening to this, my face was like a slap in the face, shame from the toes to the pores of the body.
Since I became a civil servant, I always feel that my father has become a force to compare, but I am not the same? I remembered that when I was in high school, my father went to the county to repair a car and often went to school to look at me. I would be proud to introduce to my classmates: "My dad is a car mechanic." Now, the girl is already coming from me. The farther it is.
Perhaps civil servants are not suitable for the children of the poor, nor for the parents of the poor.
6:
That night, I finally made up my mind to resign. After thinking about the way back, I took the parents and the leader to leave.
My resignation sensationalized the entire Agricultural Bureau. The Secretary said that in the past few years, some young civil servants have resigned, but they are all boys. I am the only girl who resigned in the past two years.
The resignation procedure was very fast, and Zhang Kechang asked me for a routine conversation and made the final reservation. Seeing that I am going to decide, he sighed and said: "I guess you will have to go one day sooner or later - it is not easy for the children of the poor to do good civil servants."
It seems that he has already seen my family, but it has not been broken. What I didn't expect was that he would ask me to eat.
Two glasses of wine, he talked about his regret after leaving the podium, and also talked about the depression of the work of these years. He said that he knows that we college students are not convinced of him. He is suspected of having low academic qualifications and poor writing skills, but the work of the organs is like this. The most important thing in his life is to hold his own pit.
He held a glass of wine and said loudly: "Xiao Chen, you have the courage of this girl, and my brother admire you. Boldly go to swear, don't be like a brother, in this small place, I will live a lifetime." He is in the unit He has always been a cautious person, and he is striving to do anything without doing anything. This is the first time I saw him talking so arrogantly and laughing.
In the past few days, Wu Qing was a little embarrassed when she saw me. On the night she introduced my blind date, I and her confessed to her real family. She thought that I was hurt by self-esteem and I would choose to resign.
I comforted her and said that resignation is entirely a decision I made after careful consideration. She asked me inexplicably: "What is a bad thing for a girl as a civil servant, to be safe and free, and to earn some pocket money."
I want to tell her that civil servants may be the best choice for her, but I am not, I have nothing, I need a job that can change me and my family, a job that will pay off as long as I work hard. .
On the last day of the formalities, I came out of the county government building and stopped at the square to look up at this towering and majestic building. I worked here for almost two years, but it seems to be the first time I know it, like the first. I really know myself.
I don't know if I will regret this day, but at this moment, because I walked down the steps, I saw the whole building and the vast blue sky behind the building.
postscript
After resigning from the civil service, I came to Shanghai alone.
When I first arrived, there was only one bed in the rented room. I wrapped the sheets borrowed from the landlord and passed the first night. It’s hard to say that the job search is so good that the two-year experience of civil servants is not as good as that of the company. In the hot June, I almost ran all the companies that accepted my interview, and finally got an advertising company's copywriting work. I often work overtime until the early hours of the morning. When I go back, I am alone and crying alone at the empty white wall in the rental house.
My father never said a word to me from the moment I knew the news. My mother said that during the time I resigned, he was drinking every night, and he didn't like to go out during the day. He even deliberately avoided friends and relatives.
"However, he recently started to ask me about your situation. I asked you where you live in Shanghai and what kind of work. Last time your uncle said that your good civil servant did not work, not to go out to work, it must be The brain is sick, your dad still had a fight with him for a long time, almost didn't fight." After half a year, my mom said this on a phone call.
I also remembered the day when the civil servant reported that the father stood in front of the county government building and asked me to "get angry with the old Chen family." For my father, it’s a kind of enthusiasm for me to stay in that building; but for me, it’s the first time I’ve got the confidence to get out of that building.
Maybe a few years later, I still can't be the pride of the old Chen family. But I will definitely be my pride, the pride of a poor child who runs barefoot.
(The characters in the text are all pseudonyms)