Love & marriage 47 - DIVORCE, Part 3

Welcome to today's blog. JUST A NOTE TO PEOPLE THAT ARE ALREADY DIVORCED. This posts on divorce are intended to try to prevent people, that are maybe on the brink of divorce to reconsider and give their marriages another change. It is not intended to hurt people that are already divorced, you and your kids have been through enough, I pray that you can successfully build a new life.

If you missed my first two posts on divorce you can go read it here:
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-45-divorce-part-1
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-46-divorce-part-2

I want to start off with a quote from yesterday's blog: "Yes we Smiths have problems like everybody else, but we solve them. That's the attitude of a winner."
And @eyeofthestorm made the following comment:
"Divorce shows children that you give up on the ones you love and they give up on you and that promises are just words to be broken. Staying together shows that promises mean everything and when we allow God to love through us, nothing shall be impossible." Isn't that beautiful and oh so true?

And on that positive note, I want to encourage you and bring you

Your situation may feel hopeless, two people too far apart, too much damage done to save the marriage. Before you go down that avenue of divorce, closing the door on your marriage forever, you owe it to yourselves and possibly your children to try and save your marriage.

Thousands of marriages, with situations just as complex and painful of yours, have managed to rise from the hurt and pain, with the help of professionals, to re-connect, solve the problems, start the healing process and stayed married. After working through the issues, you can be happy again and you can be happily married.

There is professional help for every problem, you just need to seek it. If you are member of a church, your pastor can be a good place to start. Sometimes one is so blinded by your own opinions and hurts that you cannot see the bigger picture. You as a couple need a third objective person who can listen to both sides and be able to give an impartial opinion about your problems. These professional people have the necessary education to guide you into repairing your marriage. This first important step is the band-aid on that broken heart.

Please take that first step, put your pride aside, be the one to initiate this step. If you can't convince your spouse to come with you, then you go alone at first. Change always begins with you. Maybe you tried to change your spouse to no avail and now you want to throw the towel in. Use your energy and intelligence to figure out what YOU could do differently. The therapist will most likely also begin with you if your spouse is unwilling. Don't get discouraged, if you start to make changes, then for sure it will have a positive effect on your spouse. It is like a carousel, all the hurtful words, all the fights, makes it spinning just faster and faster.

By starting to change and do positive things in the marriage you stop the vicious cycle. With each positive word, each little positive change you can stop that wheel that is spinning out of control and start to turn the wheel in the opposite direction. A therapist can with a proper personality assessment give you bigger insight in your spouse's behavior. Years ago I went alone to a therapist and she could explain to me because of my late hubby personality type, time was not an issue for him. For me on the other hand, if someone was 10 minutes late I got frantic. I had to learn to relax if he said he will be away for an hour, I must relax and expect him to be away for at least a half an hour later. Although he did not want to go to counseling I could go home and explain it to him. He had to understand it is ok for him to be away longer but that he must let me know. This may sound simple, but it made a huge difference.

If you are dealing with the three A's that ruin marriages, Affairs, Addictions, and excessive Anger, you will definitely need the help of a professional. The spouse with the A-habit needs to figure out how to end this. The other spouse needs to heal and learn alternatives to deal with the problem. Both spouses would benefit from support groups. Especially if you have children you need to learn how to be more emotionally healthy as individuals and as a couple. Both committing to building a new kind of marriage with the same spouse but where there are zero affairs, addictions or excessive anger, but instead abounding love and trust.

No matter how hard the road ahead you can do it. You have your future and your happiness in your hands. You need to concentrate hard on the task at hand, that is saving your marriage. I promise you it will be worth the while. Also look again at this post of mine: https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-40-how-to-rekindle-your-love

In future posts I will tackle specific problems like the three A's above. I took only a very small part from this source, it may be helpful to also look at this https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201303/marriage-problems-heres-8-step-rescue-plan
Images: freepik, pixabay, pexels.com

Don't miss out tomorrow on my Friday romantic tips for the weekend. Let's have some fun!
Thank you for reading, may your marriage be filled with understanding, joy,happiness and above all else LOVE!

@hope777