Hey God,
So yea, tonight was no surprise at all. I could see this coming from a mile away. I've been with this person long enough now to see the signs.
Why does this person do this? Honestly, why God? It is so unnecessary & it's stealing my joy like You cannot believe. Why does it bother me so much? Because God, I don't want to be without this person in my life. But the things this person does is killing me inside.
It's making me focus more on the person than on You. & yes, I know what You're going to say. I know You're going to say nothing should come before You, and I completely agree. But God, it's so hard to let go. I have faith in this person. I have seen the type of person this individual can be.
But yes, this isn't my responsibility to fix this person, it's Yours. I'm trying to do Your work & that is wrong. I have tried God, You of all people know how hard I have tried to support this person, be there for them, sacrifice for them. & for what God? To get this in return? To be treated like this? Oh sure this person has their good qualities, but this hot & cold I just cannot handle anymore.
That's why coming to You is so awesome. You never have a bad day, or You're never in a bad mood or too busy for me. You're always there. 247 365
& yet the one person who's always there for me, I neglect. How's that for stupidity? I'm sick of this. I want to come home God. I want You to fill that gap I have for a human partner with Your love. I want to be complete in You, not in this world.
I'm sad tonight God. My heart is so heavy & so sore. But tomorrow is another day. Let's see what happens.
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Reading this internal dialogue makes me happy about where you are going. Focus on God first and foremost. All the other things will fall into line afterwards.
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God first yes, even if it means losing everything.
Thank you for your support Mr. Allen
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