Oct 15th, There was a bang around 6 something. I stayed in bed till around 7:30, read my Bible, got ready, and sent an email to Rachel to thank her for the letter. I braided my hair Katnis style… I stopped in a Canada Tire to use the bathroom. I was about to take the key, and a woman insisted that she had been waiting for the key ahead of me... At the bike shop I met the friend of Anthony: T--? He asked me if I could understand fluent or basic French. People left, and Henry handed me a bike to repair. I noticed the inner tube was flat, so I changed it. I was starting to get exhausted, and Henry pumped the air the rest of the way, then the inner tube popped. They seem to be cut by the spokes. We tried another and that failed. Also the axel was loose. I worked on pedals, front brakes, brake pad adjustment, and truing the wheel. The others left early and Henry told me about a party. He also wanted ideas of how the shop could be better for me like what could I get from it or better organization...
Oct 16th, Yesterday I was exhausted and tried to hide it from Henry. I went to bed without doing duolingo, I woke up around 2:10 am, after which there was walking around upstairs, doors slamming in the hall, and a bang from upstairs, dispersed so they kept me awake for a few hours. This stopped, although the person upstairs did stir after a long time when I did. I did not fall asleep until after 5 am, and then only a little for short periods. I felt overheated for a long time, and it was a little harder to breathe. I set a timer and got up after 7:30 am. I got ready, read the news, and went to the thrift store. I was told by Mariam there was no salad today, and I was to put croissants in bags. The stove was on and it made the room hot. Evelyn came later. She asked how I was, and said she couldn't hear me when I said good... Lots of volunteers took a bag or two of croissants. Evelyn told me to get some. I politely declined. She insisted, telling me over and over again to go and get some, even pushing me on the back. I continued to decline and asked if there was any more work for me in the kitchen. Mariam said no. Evelyn insisted I come back and eat lunch. I went to help Renee. Only Cora was there. We worked together a little, and she insisted I write the tags… Renee took me aside to wash place mats. While I was doing that, many people asked me questions in French. The first woman asked which country I was from. I asked how she knew I wasn't Canadian. She said she heard me say before I wanted to practice my French. [Not all of Canada is French speaking.] She asked where I took my course, saying she took hers in Laval, coffee? … A customer asked if she could look at what I was cleaning. I tried to ask Renee in French but couldn't. A woman asked if I was a new bénévole. The woman with her said she thought I was from Nova Scotia. A man asked me in French then English where the woman who worked (in the toy section) had gone. I said I didn't know. A woman complimented my work... The man who asked me the question earlier walked up to me and asked if I thought he was a bad person. He suggested that would be because of the question he asked, and another woman said he was. I said I didn't know why she would say that. He said I didn't know him, and I was polite and didn't know what to say... The bus came and I got on in a hurry. I journaled on the way. I saw Jack in the station. He was not there last class. [The day I took a long time to answer the question and Jack's phone kept buzzing, he repeatedly sighed as if frustrated, for no apparent reason. Then he responded to a question in a very poor and halting way, not at all characteristic of him. Then the next class he does not come. Jack's poor performance could be designed to make me feel better about mine. One thing that seems to be the case is I am very much wanted to become proficient in French. This would make me a better asset.] I went to class and then to the bathroom. Emily came in with her own key… She asked ça va? In class, the teacher asked the class the questions: what did you eat and do, where, and with whom last weekend. He gave a vague self description, let people volunteer, then went down the line. He said it was very important to practice speaking. Whereas last lesson it was voluntary, apparently today it was not... We had a break. Jack brought coffee and donuts for everyone to celebrate the teacher's birthday yesterday. [I thought perhaps he had been angry at being ordered to do poorly in class, missed a class, and this was a conciliatory gesture. -4/1/21] Sophia made a cake. Everyone sang Happy Birthday in their native tongue except for me. (maybe others). Apparently I'm the only one with English as a first language. We did an exercise where the teacher played a video on men's fashion and learned vocabulary about buying clothes. Also during the break, Douglas asked me to give him my birth month. It was in a French language workbook. I asked what this notebook was and why he was doing it. He also asked for my phone number, making the phone sign. I said I preferred not to write in his notebook. Class ended a little early... At home I journaled, and wrote a Narcissistic Awareness article. Then I washed the dishes and heated supper. Lucas came in to ask me if my wifi had been flaky, saying there were two kinds of wifi around here. He also asked what network I used, and what year my phone was made. He asked if I could stream video okay...
Oct 17th, I woke around 4 am, stayed awake for a while... and had many dreams. I got up before 9, got ready, and made breakfast. I sent Rachel an email saying I didn't know if I'd be back. Carl was in the kitchen cooking eggs and toast. He followed me to the fridge. A man I've seen got my attention while I was doing dishes and asked for Claire's phone number. The videotron guy got it. Wyatt opened the freezer when I was headed to the fridge... I went back to my room. My neighbor's door was wide open as it was last night. He was inside. I ate and called a nice bike store about bike fittings. It has been rainy and windy since last night... Before class started, the professor asked me what I did last evening, and what all my meals were, as well as how I prepped my eggs for breakfast. I microwaved them. [He looked shocked, like he had exposed me being weird. -4/1/21] I told him where I learned that. We continued describing clothing. A new guy showed up, who spoke Spanish during class. Bruce sat next to me. He is the guy who yesterday did a playful turn in front of the class to show what he was wearing. I had looked away and kind of blushed. We were paired up during role play. It took some figuring out what we were supposed to do. He joked he wanted to buy pants with holes in them. I said we don't have any but I could rip some. The teacher asked him about his kids afterwards. [We were joking with each other. This could be regarded as flirtatious. Then it is revealed Bruce is married, which I knew. But the situation was framed in such a way that I could be construed as an adulterous slut.] He told the class there would be a day where we were required to present for our country of origin. It could be a dish, book, picture, or dance. I asked how long we would have to present and Jack laughed. [I had just written that I did not sing Happy Birthday for the US. Perhaps it was thought that either presenting or praising the US would be a problem for me.] Douglas stood up and gave a phone number and told the class something. [Making sharing phone numbers normal. He asked for mine before.] The teacher talked about washing clothes, then started the audio on buying fridges… Class ended and I took the bus. A girl sat across from me and gave me a weird look. I remembered I wanted to see the fablab, so I got off, walked back, and took a different bus...
Oct 18th, I looked at the French course schedule of important dates. The November 22 intercultural preservation wasn't there. The teacher had also said this was done last year. It was hard to get to sleep. I was woken after 5:30 am by walking, a door shutting, and coughing in the hall. I woke at 7:30, and finally 8:30. I checked the news and did duolingo. I started making a photo album of Montreal, [text is written slightly larger in my journal to make it easier on my eyes] and firefox repeatedly refreshed the page, so that I had to do one photo at a time, and even then had trouble. It took a long time to do. I played a Pawson sermon on the Marks of a True Church. Part 1 had to do with suffering. It said God uses the suffering to His advantage. Like Paul was able to witness to the guards he was chained to. It talked about the testimony Paul got from the death of Steven. The audio cut out and I had to replay the last 4 minutes. I finished the album and posted the sermon... When I arrived, there were about 2 other people there. I told the professor I liked the role play conversation, but that the questions of what I did everyday was too much personal information for everyone. I said I would take on a role and make stuff up when he asked those questions. The professor went to the bathroom and Beverly asked 2 people if they were permanent residents or what. [As if they may press me on what I had been reluctant to share--that I was a refugee claimant.] The professor started the class by giving us 15 minutes of free conversation. Emily was there. I tried to ask her about last year's intercultural party. She talked a little about her home country, then what she did yesterday. I asked about ice skating on the river or lake. It was hard to speak with her. I tried to talk about how age 2 was a dangerous age, but could barely express myself. Emily's mood soured. We continued the audio, and I did better. We worked through some exercises and the professor had to keep adjusting the zoom, and focus. I knew some of the answers. There was role play with Emily. She didn't really know what to do or what was going on. I tried to explain it to her and made some progress. Bruce was sitting next to me in the beginning, but moved to the end. He got up to take a picture of the screen. During break I translated words and spoke to a girl from Iran about a show I saw where a man travelled to the country. She said Iran was not how it was portrayed in the media, that the government was bad, and she thought she knew the show I was talking about, that the man was an American. I said I thought Americans weren't allowed to go to Iran. I talked about Persian culture, and she showed me an instagram page called feel Iran. She kept showing Douglas how to write in Farsi during class. We played a game. Emily and the Iranian girl were on my team. Emily seemed to want to be on a team other than mine at first. I was not great, but the Iranian girl Ava was. I took the bus… then at about 7 pm I brought my laundry down. Someone had theirs in with 24 minutes to spare. I waited watching youtube videos. I took his clothes when they were done and started mine. The man did not show for a long time. He came at around 8:20 and put his clothes in the dryer, which means they would dry till 9:20 pm, and the laundry needs to be done/quiet by 10 pm, giving me only 40 minutes to dry. The man had a grin when he looked at me. When he came back to take his laundry, he didn't seem to want to look at me. Also 4 pairs of pants were laid over the chair and dresser to dry, taking up what space I could use to air dry while I waited. When my laundry finished washing I used the chair which had many bars running down the back to dry out most of my clothes, and the dresser drawers as well, and then used the dryer for 40 of my 60 minutes, stopping at 10 pm... I went to bed after 11 pm.
Oct 19th, I woke around 7, rested till 7:30... People liked the Montreal photo album. Mom sent me a way to chat with my niece. [It took me a while to realize what had happened last class. Emily had a sour expression after she told me she had a 2 year old, and I said 2 years old can be a dangerous age. I am still not accustomed to people assuming I am a maniacal killer, but if I was depicted a certain way to Emily it is a reasonable thing for her to think. This test of my attachment to my closest child relative was like a return threat. So I could be having an innocent, well meaning conversation, and the paranoia of others about me can result in children in my family being threatened out of the blue.] ... When I threw my trash away outside, my neighbor was there smoking in the dark with someone else. He apologized, saying he didn't know I was English and always spoke to me in French.
Oct 20th, I woke at 5, 7, and 8... One of the greeters sat next to me. She did many of the same things I did, like put the same thing in the plate or blow her nose. There was a dedication service at the beginning with 4 babies from 4 different families. The woman next to me commented on how cute the babies were. The sermon was about faith training… and talked about teachable moments, like when he said something vulgar as an 11 year old, and his dad said sex and babies were from love and a gift of God. [Besides the focus on children, a man thought I was being inappropriate towards him, and for some time many men were very skittish around me, at church or home or wherever, despite them having no way to know the situation itself. I should point out they often err in their perceptions of me.] We had communion. I was grabbing snacks when a guy told me I had to speak to the pastor. The pastor seemed interested in where I lived, asking if it was near the church. He also asked me to fill out my name and contact information. I told him I had visited many churches and decided on this one, that I had been praying for him, and that I appreciated the sermon... When I heated up lunch, Wyatt took the bottom microwave for 12 minutes, and asked if I was waiting for it. Muslim mom was there. I saw a guy… visit my neighbor. I watched a bunch of youtube videos. I took a long nap and drew some pictures listening to some Pawson sermons. My sister had also posted a picture of her son's, which she does sometimes, but it was a rare occurrence for me to see her posts on my feed, and given the context could be a part of the counter threat.
Oct 21st, I woke around 6 am… The professor laughed for no reason. When I got there I wrote a more clear explanation of what I was trying to tell Emily, that age 2 was a dangerous age because 2 year olds spill fingernail polish on carpets, break furniture, or put their fingers in your eyes. I showed it to her and she said she understood. [It was not intended as a threat. I am a Christian.] During open conversation, I tried talking to another student, but we could not understand each other. We were given a handout to work through. I underlined and looked up many words. During break I went to the bathroom and Emily followed. I worked in my notebook, and everyone had gotten up to talk to each other, except the girl 2 seats down. We looked at each other for a second, I looked forward, and then the rather long break was ended. The professor asked me and other students to try reading out loud. We started a roll play game, and I paired up with Emily again. I had to explain to her what to do, but we did okay. She said she would see me Wednesday… Some young children were on the back of the bus... Lucas was in the kitchen. Ellie came in and turned the light on. Lucas said she was exposing people. Ellie said she was blind. (My eyes have had trouble since the 18th. When I left the bus station a guy had a sign warning he was sight impaired, and at the store, a man was outside with a Golden Retriever who didn't act like a seeing eye dog, but a curious happy dog. The man was outside the store before and after I shopped.)... My water bottle nozzle was cracked. It is from Disney's Frozen. It worked before, but after having been left in my backpack had become unusable. I took off the broken part of the nozzle so it works.