“Go on a cruise in November” they said. “It’ll be fun” they said. Well folks...“THEY”, can lick my balls. In fairness, I had a phenomenal time. Lots of great stories spurned from this trip. Several which are prime for @comedyopenmic but one at a time. This is a short one about mini golf.
A bit of backstory...
A bunch of us got together to cruise on the Carnival Splendor last November. The main group had about 25 of us in total. My cousins Mark & Richard went with their families. Mark’s brother in law James and his family, their friends, and myself, the wife & kids hopped aboard this floating Petri Dish in search for an exciting week.
The wives looked like a million bucks and the dudes looked like a pack of slobs most days. That might have something to do with us drinking booze from shampoo and sun tan lotion bottles. Mark, Richard, James, & Myself must have looked as though we were very concerned with our hair and skin everywhere we went.
We all play disc golf together whenever we get the opportunity so we obviously settled for some mini golf one night on the ship....While drunk on shampoo bottle vodka. Each of our fridges looked similar to this...
We also happened to pick the absolute rockiest and windiest fucking night of the cruise, to play a game with a tiny ball that involves precision and concentration. We basically played in this.
It was absolutely ridiculous and we still decided to play for $5 a game as we are all hammered competitive scumbags. We played in 2 teams of 2 because all the women were disgusted with our behavior earlier and wanted nothing to do with us by that point. We played 3 games and my team won all of the games. I still think the other pieces of shit owe us now that I think about it. Great...
On our last round, it got to the point where the ball was flying all over. People’s hats were flying off. All the commoners who were drinking out of “normal” glasses kept having stupid $12 dollar cocktails splashing on their dumb faces with each attempted sip from their shitty windburnt lips. All the champions had caps to their bottles of Bacardi body lotion.
It was here on the last round of insanity where I summoned a hidden power deep inside to win the last hole.
I nominate @saywha & @modernzorker for this weeks challenge. I accepted the challenge from @sanmi!!!
Carnival Splendor Photo Courtesy of http://citizenoutreach.org/cruise/
Storm Gif courtesy of giphy.com
Money gif courtesy of giphy.com
Now that's a cruise done right!
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Hell yeah! We had such a blast. The drunk pool story is my favorite though. I’ll be elaborating in that in the future.
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Why didn't you just buy the drinks package?
Thanks to @anouk.nox, this post was resteemed and highlighted in today's edition of The Daily Sneak.
Thank you for your efforts to create quality content!
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So expensive and really...No need to!! I should also clarify that the bottles are specifically made for this. Lol. I didn’t empty shampoo bottles. Lol
Disguised Smuggs Jugs Four Bottle Two Tube Flask Kit(4-16oz 2-8oz) Smuggle Alcohol Cruise Be A Rum Runner https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DPLHV30/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ZKXBBbV3MS34A
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Okay, that's pretty funny!
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The best is somebody is making bank on this idea. Think about it. You get actual good shampoo or lotion for several bucks. This company is selling empty bottles for 5 times the price. Lol
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I wonder if you could thoroughly scrub out your old shampoo bottles and repackage them this way for sale on ebay...
'Authentic-looking Suave bottles for smuggling alcohol...' So incredibly authentic they even smell faintly of shampoo...
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Lol. Yeah it looked like we really didn’t care about our hair or skin with our “off brand” bottles. Looking straight out of the .99 cents store. Lol
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I've drank shampoo... but.. i can't pull that MJ move.. so... on my imaginary mini golf game with you.. let's leave it as a tie.
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I was feeling it that night. Schooling everyone on the turf. Lol
Also, Shampoo is delicious.
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What exactly is the challenge? :)
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Basically post something that could be considered “funny”. That’s it!
https://busy.org/@blewitt/michael-jackson-s-wind-golf-comedy-open-mic-round-25
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Hi blewitt,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating, this will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied.
Judges:
If you have any questions or quieries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
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Sounds great! Thank you. While I wasn’t feeling overly funny or creative last night, I was nominated to enter and didn’t want to back down from that challenge.
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hahaha drinking out of shampoo and lotion bottles! Classic :) I've heard of refilling water bottles to go on a cruise, but this is a much better idea :) Thanks for the laugh!
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Disguised Smuggs Jugs Four Bottle Two Tube Flask Kit(4-16oz 2-8oz) Smuggle Alcohol Cruise Be A Rum Runner https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DPLHV30/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ZKXBBbV3MS34A
Lol. It’s funnier to imagine me washing out sun tan lotion bottles to make it work but the sad reality is these are specifically made for duct bags like myself who don’t want to pay 500 bucks in my liquor tab. Simple solution. For 20 bucks I had a bar in my room. I had the bottles at home already so I just filled em up. I think this company backs their product with a guarantee on it getting through or they refund you or something.
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Lol that is funny! I'm totally with you; nothing like paying the equivalent of another cruise ticket just so you can drink on the ship. I'd have a bar set up in my room too :)
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Oh hello yeah. I still ordered a few beers here n there but it’s riduculoys. The cost of the drink package was out of this world and while I would have probably used the shot out of it one or two days on there...the other days would go completely to waste. Not worth it!
Besides, which story is better?!? Lol
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haha @blewitt, your story is totally better 😎
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Especially since all the bottles are not brand names but made up shitty companies. Lol. So not only did we look like lunatics but we also looked like poor white trash. #win
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hahaha even better @blewitt !!
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In fairness so did the rest of the ship so we probably blended right in. I’m surprised I didn’t see others doing the same shit.
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Genius.....
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Lol.
Disguised Smuggs Jugs Four Bottle Two Tube Flask Kit(4-16oz 2-8oz) Smuggle Alcohol Cruise Be A Rum Runner https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DPLHV30/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ZKXBBbV3MS34A
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Oh it's an actual product? That's nuts! I thought you guys had just emptied out a bunch of lotion bottles and replaced the lotion with booze... which seemed gross, but hey I'm sure we all have done something gross for booze at some point.
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Lol. I thought about explaining it initially but then thought people’s reactions would be a bit better thinking we were scrubbing out banana boat lotion bottles to fill with rum. Lol
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Yeah, haha as far as comedy goes you definitely made the right decision.
I thought about you drinking out of a sunscreen squirt bottle for quite a bit, trying to decide if it was gross or genius, and if it was dribbling out everywhere.
Then the mental image of you taking shots of sunscreen sold the idea to me =p
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Those caps came in handy come shot time!!
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Oh hell yeah, that is my kind of party.
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I could relate to the shampoo-vodka bit.
Although it's vice-versa for me.
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Drinking shampoo out of vodka bottles!!! I like it!!
😜
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Yep. Perfect way to end the weekend.
And my life.
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Lol
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Oh it was a party to remember. Ever been on a cruise??
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Fuck yeah, you're even more MJ than MJ
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