Hey everyone, Kevin the Mountain Goat here.
You might remember me from when @brandt introduced me on #mountaingoatmonday. I’ve kinda been keeping to myself since then so that’s probably why you haven’t seen much of me. I guess I’m really just more of a mountain goat than a socialite goat, lol. btw that thing about me falling off a cliff isn’t true. I also hate vegan restaurants, and vegans too. Although I do very much enjoy eating vegans, because hey, I'm a goat and I'll eat anything, lol. So anyway, @brandt recently told me about the @comedyopenmic Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest and I thought I’d try my hoof at it. To be honest I’m not that funny. I do try to be funny on occasion but my jokes just never land. People tend to not laugh at any of my jokes but they seem fine with laughing at all of my misfortunes. For instance the other day I lost my footing on some loose talus whilst wandering around the side of Missouri Mountain and I fell down about 300 feet. Fortunately it wasn’t a steep enough fall to kill me, it was more of an uncontrolled slide really, but still a good solid 300 feet of rapid and life-threatening descent nonetheless.
Step #1: Locate a Bridge
All of the other mountain goats laughed at me and that kinda killed my pride, you know?
Step #2: Set That Bridge on Fire
So I climbed back up to where I lost my footing, right back up to where all of the other mountain goats were,
Step #3: Repeat Steps 1 and 2
and then I killed every single one of them, because fuck those goddamn mountain goats for laughing at me like that. The end. For the next @comedyopenmic Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest, I nominate @rkphoto who is unresponsive here on Steemit and quite possibly dead, and I also nominate @ned because it rhymes with dead and I think that’s funny.
Should I drink the beer I just bought and pour the Drano down the drain,
or should I drink the Drano I just bought and pour the beer down the drain?
It's hard to say!
Hi brandt,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)
Judges:
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
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I just have a few questions. Did you have a tag for the goats and what is the bag limit for goats there? That seems like a lot. Here we can only kill one mountain goat, legally.
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It's actually illegal to kill mountain goats here, but sometimes you just have to take the law into your own hands, you know? What really matters is right and wrong, not legal and illegal. Plus, those goats had it coming. I did the right thing. Burning bridges is wrong, though, and I don't recommend it.
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Oh, and pour the beer down the drain before you drink the Drano. You won't remember if you do it the other way around. Drano has a way of fucking up your memory for the last few minutes.
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Thanks, I'm off to drink some Drano. It's been good knowing you.
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watch out for @belemo , he likes to go on goat ball shaving marathons... he is not very gentle I must add.
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I go hard
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Thanks, I have added @belemo to my bridge-burning list.
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But you didn't answer my bonus question about burning bridges.
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drink the beer... and do whatever you want after ;-)
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So, drink the beer… and then drink the Drano? I like it.
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Congratulations @brandt! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on the badge to view your Board of Honor.
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STOPDo not miss the last post from @steemitboard:
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Excellent. Where can I redeem this badge for SP or SBD?
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