Cryptogee Investigates: Who Is The Real @berniesanders?

in comedyopenmic •  5 years ago 

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@berniesanders a.k.a. Sir Bernie of the Butthurt a.k.a General Buttwink, is our very own Dear Leader, Steemit's tin pot dictator who throws his weight around by flagging random accounts, or anyone who talks to those accounts, in other words he is a pathetic bully.

The thing is, he has multiple accounts, some say hundreds, some say thousands, the truth is probably in the dozens however nobody knows for sure.

So today I thought we could have a little fun and try and work out who the real Sir butthurt is . . .

@haejin

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It was during the legendary #butthurtwars that Sir Bernie of the Butthurt was created. He was engaged in an epic clash with @haejin as both of them fired their mighty flags at each other, bitterness, sniping, and reward pool rape accusations were abound.

Sir Butthurt lost this war (hence his butt hurt), and he retreated back to his cave in the Himalayas to lick his wounds.

However one of the classic tactics of war is to use disinformation to confuse the enemy. Plus of course Sir Butthurt does display the same traits as a paranoid schizophrenic so there is some chance that @berniesanders and @haejin are one of the same.

Probability 29%

@themarkymark

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As with @haejin His Royal Butthurtness has clashed publicly with @themarkymark though nowhere near the level of the #butthurtwars.

I like this hypothesis because @themarkymark seems like a reasonable and rational human being, and so perhaps he represents the sane side of General Butthurt.

Probability 8.5%

@ned

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The Prince himself @ned, the custodian of the citadel of Steemit has seemingly ridden off into the sunset but in reality is still pulling the strings from the shadows.

Lord Buttwink and Prince @ned had their clashes in the early days of the citadel. The Butthurt One decided to try and take on the Prince, however he was crushed to a -6 reputation. Only some serious behind the scenes grovelling and some good old fashioned fellatio was able to lift the curse of the @ned flag.

There is no doubt that the Prince is aloof and rules over his kingdom with a haughty air of disdain, perhaps @berniesanders was created so that he could better mingle with the peasants.

Probability 56%

Bernie Sanders

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Let's go off Steemit into the land of the real and look at the failed 2016 Democratic American Presidential nominee Bernie Sanders.

For some reason Lord Butthurt decided to use the same name as the 72 year old Democrat, perhaps then this is Bernie's way to get in touch with 'da yoof' by getting into this crypto lark.

However Bernie also comes across as a rational, kind and deeply conscientious human being, which clearly rules out Sir Bernie of the Butthurt.

Probability 2%

Kim Jong-Un

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The brutal dictatorial leader of North Korea definitely fits the bill. He wears platform shoes, sports a silly haircut and has a propensity for crushing his enemies and feeding family members to the dogs.

However internet connections are notoriously slow in North Korea, and his grasp of the English language isn't great. Hmm, then again neither is Sir Butthurt's.

Probability 74%

Donald Trump

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Everything points to Lord Butthurt's real persona being the 45th President of the United States of America Donald J. Trump.

Think about it. He is prone to irrational and childish outbursts, has a limited vocabulary, does not make sense very often, is not above having petty online arguments, and the term delusions of grandeur could have been made up for him alone.

On top of that he gets to trash the name of the real Bernie Sanders, win-win!!

Probability 99.99999999999%


SO THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS, IN MY OPINION @BERNIESANDERS A.K.A. LORD BUTTHURT A.K.A SIR BERN OF THE BUTTHURT A.K.A. GENERAL BUTTWINK IS IN FACT THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT. HOWEVER I'M PREPARED TO BE WRONG, WHO DO YOU THINK HE IS?

AS EVER, LET ME KNOW BELOW!

The Butthurt Chronicles

The Butthurt Wars - Haejin Vs Bernie - Who Won?

Butthurt Bernie: How To Be A Dictator

Butthurt Bernie: Join The Shoes-For-A-Dictator Appeal And Save An Ego!

Sir Bernie Of The Butthurt Still Firing Shots In The #Butthurtwars

Cryptogee

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I feel that señor butthurt is this guy... image not loading.

Who lives in ⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷ with his mum.
He doesn't seem to have any real friends, so he likes to hang out in groups that wear masks, to be one of the in-crowd without anyone recognizing him.

But, it is truly fascinating that he got all his STEEM from ⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷⌷

To be honest I don't care who he is in real life, his behaviour is despicable and as long as that stops it's all good.

Indeed he got all his Steem in the ninja mine given directly to him by Stinc.

Cg

Dear @cryptogee

And I just got mass-downvotes from him and his fellows ... sad day :(

I know he doesn't really need a reason, but do you know why?

Cg

I really wish to know @cryptogee

ps. I've noticed that you're powering down. Are you perhaps discouraged with recent HF21 ? I've noticed that some users are powering down and planning to quit steemit. Just wondering if you're going to stick around.

Yours
Piotr

It is not just HF21 that discourages me, I have lost faith in Steem a while back and HF21/22 is just another thing that makes me think that this place is not worth my time anymore.

As far as the powerdown is concerned, I feel that I might as well turn the little Steem I've got into Bitcoin because that is a safer store of value. I have been really faithful to this place and I get very little support in return.

People say to me oh but you can't confuse Steem and Steemit, which to me is like saying you can't confuse the iphone with Apple. Everything Steemit does effects Steem, and unfortunately most of the stuff they do effects it in a negative way.

The two main things I think have destroyed Steemit are firstly a complete lack of any kind of marketing. You can have the greatest product in the world, but if you don't tell anyone about it, then you will not sell very much.

Then there are the bidbots, they make sure that even with a low price there are a high amount of votes going to a low amount of low quality posts, this does two things. It stops the natural order whereby less people posting increases the share to individual posters, which is what happened in the days before these things.

Next they hamper content getting onto trending by the natural laws of popularity...

I think HF21/22 is simply designed to help the whales make more money. They talk about "investors" as if voters are the only part of the equation. I have seen various posts by people in and around Steemit inc which completely discount the effort it takes to post a well thought out article.

They talk as if voting is the be all and end all, which of course for them it is. As long as there is something to vote on, they are happy.

Lastly I think to myself, why should I be a bag holder, allowing these people to get rich while I slowly go poor (in Steem)?

I will still come here and probably post now and again, however I can't see myself putting much effort into Steemit anymore as it seems that effort goes to enriching greedy whales and bot owners.

This is one huge circle jerk that I no longer want to be a part of.

Cg

  ·  5 years ago Reveal Comment

Thank you f or your kind words.

I won't ever completely leave Steemit, it's just that I have lost enthusiasm so won't be putting as much energy into it as before, or be as loud an advocate.

For example, the other day an offline friend asked me about Steemit. I tried to explain about the system, and then the subject came onto the bidbots.

After he heard my explanation he said to me; 'that sounds like a pyramid scheme..'

I simply didn't have the energy to argue with him, and sort of agreed as well.

Cg

I just realized that I never actually thanked you for this amazing comment @cryptogee

Did he really ragequit? :O

  ·  5 years ago Reveal Comment

Lol :-)

Cg