Seven months ago you went to the gym, a new you, more broke but idealistic
You have been trying to go there but Netflix keeps coming up with original series like The Secret life of a couch potato, Moms gone wild, Potatoes or potahtoes, worstpeeps in America, etc.
But then one day, you make it. You're not sure how it happened. But between the doctor's threats and your love for travelling you go into the gym.
You are a gladiator! You are a fucking spartan! You have entered the gym!
After entering, the instructor looks at you, his eyes shine looking at "The project". He runs over and tells his friends that he has found his Everest. In a year, the lump of fat waddling towards him will become a lean mean protein machine.
He comes hulking towards you, looking lovingly at your beer belly, as if the belly will birth a baby after 9 months, and he'll have hold the fat like a trophy but then you'll have a flat stomach and society's approval.
He takes you for a tour of the torture chamber gym. There is a device that is in perpetual motion highlighting the misery of life. One runs on it but never gets anywhere.
Next he takes you to the section where weight for it, dumbells and dumballs are prevalent. You're sure your ancestors who worked in a quarry would look at you and Tsk Tsk for reverting to this primitive vocation.
A muscle that's holding a man hostage, walks up to it and and lifts it, you can see his brain screaming while the other muscles flex unnecessarily.
Next there's a section where people are lying on mats and trying to sleep. However, they can't quite get the right posture. You feel altruistic and think you'll bring pillows along.
You start your daily chore, after running/walking after nothing on a treadmill you move to the weights.
Here's a piece of motivation, think of yourself in an action montage as if you're trying to get fit to get revenge or become a superhero.
Most guys just grunt as if they're in a porn movie.
You made it past your first day drenched in tears and a little bit of sweat. You wake up the next day and can’t move without exhibiting masochism.
But you drag yourself to the gym when the jeans refuse to cooperate.
The trainer is looking his usual bulky self but there is a twinkle in his eye and Sadism on his mind.
In this game of S&M , you get to know about leg day.
5 years later you’re still going to therapy
When your legs don't work and your memory fades...
I'd like to nominate @minimalsmallholding and @amberyooper to make an entry for COM round 23
My legs are in good shape because I'm constantly running away from my problems. Badoom tish.
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and are five years old
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hahahha so recognizable lol.. I've had several gym contracts for 6 months or even a year in my life, that I began so excited and slowly dropped out lol.. Wasted money hehe
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Gym insurance for people who recklessly buy that membership
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I was just trying to get the courage to go take a gym membership. But now I'm not so sure. Thanks diebitch. You know how to get to me, despite the time differences.
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Dutch Courage
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Exercise is important.
It's the power walking.
Sometimes you just gotta fit in those leather pants.
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Exercise is dangerous.
My killer abs became sensient held my body hostage and then tore up the town.
It happens.
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Hi diebitch,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating, this will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied.
Judges:
If you have any questions or quieries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
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Oh, I lived it. Subsequent therapies 💵 were more effective in losing weight, thanks to the obligatory diet.
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Laughed at
You need what is called the "home gym"
You can do a workout while watching Netflix.
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