The Magical Powers of My Seated Butt

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I'm convinced there is some kind of synaptic connection that occurs between my butt and whatever surface it is mooshed against.

I'm serious!

Much like touching two wires together, it is when my rear is planted that my mind seems to whir... though there is a definite distinction of thought process depending on exactly where and on what;

For example:

If I am seated in the grass my thoughts tend to be of a simple yet profound nature; if my butt is in some dirt out in the woods the thoughts are a bit more complex; if it's on the bowl every task and chore I need to complete runs through my head; the chair at my desk? Story ideas abound--

--and then there is the living room furniture thoughts.

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These tend to be a tad more basic in nature- since I'm generally glued to the boob tube at the time- such as 'what do I have to snack on?' And this is also where the butt/seat connection is most obvious.

Because at least fifty percent of the time- and I'm probably being generous by not calling it seventy- when my rump lifts from its perch I will make it halfway to my destination before my feet become utterly befuddled and cease their forward motion.

Yep, my feet figure out I've lost the connection several seconds before my brain catches up. And you think I would have learned by now that when this occurs take tushy directly back to it's happy place- because I don't care if I open every cupboard in the kitchen, sift through every drawer, or peruse every shelf in the fridge, I am not going to remember why I'm there until my ass kisses the couch once more-

but as soon, and I do mean the moment my behind hits that cushion KABAM! like a lightning strike- Salsa and chips! And with a snort of frustration, up I go again.

On the bright side- at least I burn off a few of the calories I'm going to consume with my Absent-Minded Aerobics:

Up off the couch I'm gliding, gliding,
then Freeze!
stare blankly...Then whirl!
Now trudge!
touch butt to seat and spring back up!
then glide once more, go twice as far
retrieve item then lope and plop-
now crunch!

So tell me everyone, is this phenomenon exclusive to me, or do you also experience the Seated Butt Connection?

I was nominated by the lovely @surfermarly to try my hand at #comedyopenmic, so if this didn't make you giggle--blame her! And I'll refrain from torturing you with future attempts :)

Oh, and this is comedy open-mic week 13- and it appears the nominations are encouraged so-- @kiwideb and @sift666 GO :)

Generously created for me by @son-of-satire

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