What is the secret to confidence?

What is the secret to confidence?

Firstly, we have to become familiar with the concept of confidence. The word might be easy to understand, but the meaning goes much further than that.

-Confidence is a state of being clear headed either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective.

-The quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future

The first piece of the above-mentioned information is the definition of confidence you find on Wikipedia. And the second piece is the same facet, but the information derive from the Cambridge Dictionary. They both point out separate, but equally important meanings of the word. Confidence is about material things. It is knowing and believing that an item works or that an idea or hypothesis is accurate. It also means to believe in your own abilities and your own worth. Confidence is scientific, but it also goes deeper than that. It is philosophical and psychological. It is all of the aforementioned. And all at the same time.

I want to go back to the question and leave the description box. You wanted to know if there is a key to confidence. And in that case, what is it? I’m going to share a secret with you. There is a key. But in order to open that door you have to figure it out yourself. Unfortunately I can’t tell you how to do it; simply because of the fact that my key is the wrong one for you. The key to my door won’t fit in yours. We all have our own ways of conquering bad confidence and how we deal with it. That is why I can’t give you the key to how you should do it. But, I can tell you how I did it. However, what is important is that you try to find your own way before you do it in line to mine.

Confidence is not “they will like me”. Confidence is “I will be fine if they don’t”. I think that what most people are doing wrong is that they are putting their confidence in someone else’s hands instead of their own. You can’t unlock your door if someone else has the key. Confidence isn’t walking into a room with your nose in the air thinking that you are better than everyone else. It’s walking into a room and not having to compare yourself with everyone else in it. Remember that your confidence doesn’t depend on others. Once you figured out this much, the rest pretty much comes to you. Confidence is first and foremost to be satisfied in our own skin and to be self-reliant. When we have accomplished that we will be confident in everything we do and in all ideas we have.

On this issue, I think I can sum up a few points with my life experience of more than 20 years.

1. Lose weight and learn to make up. When I was in school before, I was a little fat girl, and I couldn't make up myself. In other people's eyes, I was a small fat girl with ugly appearance. At that time, when I saw other beautiful girls, I would feel inferior. But after I went to college, I lost weight and learned to make up. Now that I'm good-looking, I'm naturally confident.

2. Read more books. When I was on the debate team, we used to play with other schools together. In the course of the debate, I beat the opponent's players with excellent debating skills and thinking. My team members applauded and cheered for me. I also became the center of a small team. I was glad that I would be popular. This experience in the debate team has given me a lot of encouragement as I gradually become confident.

3. Don't look down when you walk. Don't dodge when you look at people. I will often practice my own posture, when walking to keep my head high, this will make a person's posture become tall and straight. From the perspective of others, you are confident. There is also a conversation with people do not dodge eyes, eye talk can read a person's mood and feelings. I'll practice it and make me feel confident.

4. Affirm yourself. Affirming ourselves is also a good psychological hint. It will make us concentrate on doing things, eliminate our inferiority complex and enhance our self-confidence,

5. Find your own advantages. We need to find out our own advantages. You have one or two things that you are good at. We should start from doing more of these things to improve our self-efficacy, so that we can have confidence in ourselves. When facing new tasks, we will not be so lack of confidence.

6. Acceptance failure. As long as life goes on, we will encounter all kinds of problems. To rebuild self-confidence, the most important thing is to have a correct understanding of mistakes and failures, not to be too immersed in failure, to think about how to solve problems.

7. Don't be afraid of other people's comments. In fact, it's very normal to be criticized. We don't have to keep these words in mind, as long as we have a correct understanding of ourselves and are not affected by other people's evaluation of self doubt.

8. Celebrate your achievements. Record your success every day. There is no need to just write about global achievements. You can mark every step to the goal and make it seem insignificant. When you have a reason to be proud of yourself, a sense of self-confidence will appear from the inside out.

9. Talk to strangers. Take part in an activity you don't know anyone on your own and try to play the role of a confident person. There is no need to be the soul of the whole group immediately, which is unlikely to happen in the company of strangers. But in the future you will feel more confident.

I often see these kind of questions passing by, and more often than that, I see similar types of answers, almost all with a logical approach: if you reach A (nice body, many women, good grades), then you get D (self-confidence). While all of these answers are written with the best of intentions, and its advice could be very useful, I don't think self-confidence stems from this. In fact, I think these forms of "conditional" self-confidence are part of the problem.

I have been struggling for years with a negative self-image. Although people often don't notice much about me, my thoughts often run wild when I try to have a conversation. Every sentence that leaves my lips has gone through a strict internal audit. Being aware of what I say and how I say something gives me a sense of control. However, this is an illusion. And a tricky one, I must say. I came to this realization when I walked outside not long ago and suddenly realized that all my thoughts arise spontaneously. I'm not doing this myself - this just happens. For instance: I don’t know what my next thought will be in five minutes from now. Nor will I know why I would have precisely that thought. It’s just one flow of continuous thoughts passing by. This realization brought me the insight that any control I tried to have over how I appeared to others was a complete illusion. It gave such an intense feeling of freedom. I could just let it go! I felt like I was falling into this unknown destination, knowing nothing but the fact that - just as much as I can’t control the things I hear or see - I can’t control my thoughts. This gave me an intense feeling of happiness for about three days straight, after which it normalized a bit. The semi-enlightened state in which I found myself has now passed, but realizing this still brings me a lot of peace. Having the freedom to let go of the illusion of control, letting everything arise by itself, knowing that it’s okay. That’s self-confidence.

Self-confidence is not having confidence in yourself thanks to all kinds of conditions; self confidence is having confidence in yourself regardless of those conditions. Self-confidence is being able to let go, to be vulnerable and true, and to have trust in the unknown.

I would consider myself to be a confident person most of the time, but it took me a while to get this confidence and self-esteem. I’m going to compile a list of things that might help improve your confidence, as these worked for me. Keep in mind that a lot of these are related to appearance, as I know a lot of teenagers are especially insecure about that part of themselves.

Try a new skin-care routine. Honestly, it feels great to take care of your skin, and if you’re self-conscious about acne, blackheads, etc, this should lessen the amount of it on your skin. Taking care of my skin was certainly one of the first steps to achieving confidence. Try a face mask, use face moisturizers, or buy soap created specifically to fight acne. A small improvement in your appearance can make a big difference, trust me.
Take care of yourself! If you’re feeling insecure, it’s often hard to start somewhere and build your self-esteem, but I can assure you that self-care will help. Start a routine and drink more water, eat healthier food (if you can), brush your hair every morning, take a shower/bath everyday, etc. These seem like normal, everyday things to some people, but to some it’s harder to remember. Set reminders on your phone if necessary.
If you have extra money to spend, I’ve found that buying new clothing items that make you feel confident can help your confidence. You could buy new pants, a new sweater, new shoes— anything new in your wardrobe can do wonders for your motivation and confidence.
Try not to care about what others think. I know it’s difficult, and as a teenager that might be all you can think about. Reassure yourself with thoughts that you find comforting. Remember that people at school probably will not care what you look like, and if they do care, that’s on them! At the end of the day, who cares what some idiots at school think? In a few years, you probably won’t have to see them anymore.
Have good hygiene. It isn’t that hard to apply deodorant or brush your teeth. If you wear perfume or cologne, only spray an appropriate amount. You’ll feel a lot better and you’ll do others a favor.
If you’re an extrovert, talk to your friends or arrange plans together. If you’re an introvert, spend some time for yourself to recharge your “social battery”. Your social needs are important.
This doesn’t work for everyone, but try positive affirmations. Even if you’re not feeling confident, thoughts such as “You look great!” or “You’ve got this!” or “You’ll do fine!” may help, just try it.
If others are treating you badly and bringing down your self-esteem, confide in friends or family. If you need to rant, then rant. They will surely be able to make you feel better, and you won’t have these feelings bottled up, harming you in the long run.
I know this list ended on a weird number, but I can’t think of anymore. Please note that this list will not work for everyone, and there are different ways to work out your self esteem issues. Thank you for reading.