@thispretzel thank you for reaching out and sharing your personal thoughts and perspective on the present situation of the world.
Like yourself, I found myself straddling the fence for a while, way longer than I wanted to. I have found the Great Awakening process in my own life to be akin to going through the common experiences of grief, and just like everyone grieves differently after losing a loved one, everyone arises in consciousness differently and at different paces. One may last a bit longer in a particular emotional state than the next person they brought to light. I felt spurned to action immediately after discovering that I had been lied to about everything, and my first gut reaction was to go and start telling people everywhere about the deceptions but I had to check myself.
I thought things through and realized that I'd be dismissed and labeled as one of those "crazy people" if I ran out into the world and began conveying a message that ran contrary to the way Westerners have been brought up in.
Socially programmed since birth, we all have been. If you never question why we do certain things or where particular rituals come from and what they mean, then you are just another lemming that is following the herd right over the cliff.
Once I stepped back, took myself outside of society's very constricting little box, and began questioning where all my notions and comprehensions came from, it was only then that I realized that my entire life up to that point had been a product of someone/something/some group/ or a group of group's design.
At that point, epiphany after epiphany began to come to me and I was blessed with the spiritual gifts of second sight and discernment. There is definitely a pervading duality in this life, consciousness, universe, or whatever you choose to call it. Two opposing forces exist in a paradox, with mankind caught in the middle.
It's a spiritual tug'o'war and man is being drawn in from both sides. We've been conditioned that we have to make a choice, how can we be sure that either side is not a trap or the wrong choice? I think the key is to keep from being polarized at all, and allow both positive and negative energy to flow through yourself, in essence, stay neutrally grounded.