Quest In The Realms – an interactive Bananafish production! - Episode 33

• Here’s where the adventure begins

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33

You crack open the bottle of grog and pour some on the circuits. Some sparks fly, and smoke curls upward, but nothing else happens. Maybe you made the wrong choice.

Suddenly, the Baphomets begin to tremble. They writhe and gyrate all over the place and roll over top of one another. The air fills with cries of exquisite pain and ecstasy. Wait. Ecstasy?

Once upon a time, when you were sneakily reading a book while your bandmates weren’t looking, you learned about bonobos, humans’ closest evolutionary relatives. Well, when bonobos get stressed, like when there’s intragroup tension, they shout and yell and jump around and slap the ground a lot, but ultimately the only thing that gets bonobos to calm down is some good old-fashioned fornicating.

Bonobos, however, have got nothing on Baphomets.

Some of the Baphomets somersault through the air, spinning and catching one another in intense aerial acts of corkscrewing copulation. Bodies are joining, coming undone, pairing up again (sometimes in twos, sometimes in tens). Four-pronged double-duck penises rocket into full, fire-red erections. The penises whistle--they literally whistle from weird, pulsating bulbous growths--and unfurl, inflating out of random body parts like twisted up animal-shaped balloons a clown whips up at the local fair.

Appendages snap off, other Baphomets pick them up, they beat one another with them, and then they just generally engage in the most profane, debased acts of coital carnality you have ever witnessed between consenting adults. Even Tres looks away in shame.

Before, you thought the Baphomets’ work lives looked chaotic, but their sex lives make their work look measured and controlled by comparison. Right before your eyes, they invent new meanings for the words penetration, bondage, tiddlywinks, and banana (apparently a favorite Baphomet, uh...safe(?) word).

The good news is with all the wild fornicating, your bandmates are free! You catch sight of Tres with his hand over his eyes, but peeking out between splayed fingers at the Baphomet chaos. He starts nodding, and you can tell he’s plotting something.

Behind your bandmates, you see a strange device that the Baphomets were previously hiding before they became...eh-hem...distracted. The device looks simultaneously rock-like and yet also alive, like a clumpy, breathing black stone structure. You feel like maybe it would be moist or even warm to the touch. Gross.

In all the mayhem, it seems Oddy has lost sight of you. You have to reach your bandmates and formulate a plan. Tres stares at you, steely-eyed, and nods. You recognize that look. It’s the one he made after that show in Phoenix when the only groupies around were unshowered, burned out bankers and lawyers tripping on LSD. Only Tres would stoop so low as to sleep with groupie bankers and lawyers. He’s eyeing the Baphomets, and you know immediately what he’s thinking.

• If you pretend to be horny Baphomets and try to get out, turn to 37

• If you head to the strange device, turn to 38