RE: STACH Short Story Contest #28: 199 words, 5 winners, 15SB prize pool!

You are viewing a single comment's thread from:

STACH Short Story Contest #28: 199 words, 5 winners, 15SB prize pool!

in contest •  7 years ago 

The Otis elevator climbing the south pillar of the Eiffel Tower was overflowing with people. Inside the cramped lift, an austere old man in white, gazed down at the boy beside him. "You look pale, you should have stayed on the ground."
"I'm fine..." he replied, making every effort to put his anxiety in check. "I'll get out on the next level." I can't breathe.
The man leaned closer. "I thought by now you would have gotten over this." He brushed the child's cheek affectionately.
The boy felt remorseful to let down his father, he could hardly make out the muttering in his ears. I can't breathe. I've got to get off this box!
Suddenly a staccato crack echoed overhead. The carriage jerked, swaying awkwardly to one side. Frayed cables began whipping around the carriage, thrashing like snakes.
Then the bottom dropped out.
The boy began falling for what seemed like eternity. The muttering in his ear became audible, telling tales of the dead.
You have been chosen. Yes you To liberate us
The whispers became deafening as he kept falling.
He landed on his bed. The mattress was soaked from his perspiration.
It was a dream! The meaning was elusive.

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

The part where he began falling really scared me

Really cool story, depicts the story;

"tales from beyond"

really weird story.

what role did the old man play in the story?

Eiffel Tower, Hmmmm. The set was in Paris, cool

Nice one @veakypearl

I thought he would fall to his death

Thumbs up @veakypearl

wow

This was really good Veaky, but you didn't stick to the rules. 199 words max.