This is my second writing. I have a lot to share but as always am very lazy to actually start putting it down. All my life I have been overweight, slightly larger than others “horizontally”. I have never been slim and I don’t know how is it like to be slim and fit into whatever you like in the store and how weighing in public doesn’t bother you much.
Since I was little boy I had many dreams, dreams like being a doctor, an architect, a pop star, being rich, famous, a media person, a model, a pilot. This list can go on forever. One of the dreams I had was to become thin. I was never very social neither was I popular. I was the kid who had a very limited number of friends, those also with whom I really did not hang out much outside school.
I had always blamed my weight and my body for my awkward social skills. I always thought if I was thin I will be full of confidence. Being thin back then meant me becoming good looking, confident, popular and the one all the girls talk about or in our Bhutanese context have secret crushes on. So every year I dream about becoming that perfect image next year. When I was in primary I thought I will become thin and be the cool one in junior high. This was one regular routine in my life circle. It happened every time I start something new maybe getting into high school or to college.
I now being in college and being months away from graduating realize that being thin had nothing to do with being popular or confident or good looking. Me being not very sociable had nothing to do with my shape. I was just born that way. The gravitational pull I am experiencing doesn’t define me. Being an overweight is not something to be ashamed off. It is not like one puts on a pound every time he lies or every time he commits a crime.
Looking back, I never realized what a beautiful mind I have or what weird but still nice habits I own. I never appreciated myself for having feelings that are unique or any of my other talents. I never appreciated the mini circle of friend with whom I still keep in touch and who are the nicest. Defining one merely based on their jean size is a very immature thing to do. I once did it when I was blind and now I feel very satisfied to be able to see more than a face or a body in others. I am happy to have come a long way.
My current status: heavy as ever but happy as I can see now.
Jigme Thinley