Muzzle Report August 12, 2020
A Double Dose of Walmart and Whole Foods
I took to pondering after yesterday’s encounter and decided on a different approach.
Needing to return to the same Walmart to return two very uncomfortable camping chairs and wanting to try another store, one with a better selection of car care products, I armed myself with Walmart's company muzzle policy found on their website.
It was a nauseatingly sweet and condescending reminder of "simple steps you can take to protect others."
They had good looking women all wearing fashionable face diapers to convince you that you should too. There’s nothing wrong with it. Tyranny isn’t spreading over your once-free country. Go back to sleep. And thank you for shopping at Walmart.
When will this be the face of Walmart's mask-up campaign?
After trying to parse their vaguely worded document as to how they would handle those with medical exemptions, I took a screenshot and had the website ready to show any bouncer.
I also calmed myself down and softened my energy. At the first Walmart, a different one then in yesterday’s report, I approached the door calmly, slowly, and with a big smile on my face.
There were two girls at the door. I stopped to face them before entering and told the eldest:
Good morning. I understand it is your store's policy to require facemasks. But I have a medical condition, so I cannot wear one. The younger one started to point me in towards the door. Victory!
I was planning on continuing my speech, but the elder one also stopped me and said
That’s fine. Go ahead.
I went about my business unmolested an unhurried. It was a refreshingly normal experience.
Part two: The Return
I went back to the Walmart featured in yesterday‘s report, keeping myself calm.
I saw a small SUV parked in the lot with fantastic bumper stickers. One had Murray Rothbard’s face. Another with a don’t tread on me snake. A third with a Sam Adams “There's nothin' like a cold one after you Tar and Feather a tyrant.
And a fourth: Make tax collectors birds again.
It was a good omen.
I approached the door seeing two different faces: A different security guard and a different mask bouncer. I was encouraged.
I calmly and politely explained to the new mask bouncer what I had said at the other store. I understand it is their store policy to require masks, but I have a medical condition so I cannot wear one.
The gentleman at the door, wearing his mask around his chin, smiled and pointed me towards the entrance. The other one, our "hero" from yesterday was also there.
I was wearing my eyeglasses today so I got a better look at her. Still built like an offensive lineman, with the poor tan and freckled skin of way too much unhealthy sunshine.
Her hair, which should’ve been gray given her age, had the poor appearance of a bad dye job. And her voice: I pinpointed the reason for the terrible tonality: Way way way too many cigarettes.
Here she was, one of the least healthy looking people I have seen, dispensing medical advice to people she does not even know. The Dunning Kruger effect personified.
She had to throw in her line that I was putting the people who worked at the store with cancer at risk. She had already told me twice before. She is wrong.
I shook my head at her, smiled and said nothing but just walked into the store and returned my items without further incident.
Whole Foods Bonus
Today I went into Whole Foods, free-breathing. The two young men, with their masks around their chins, bid me good afternoon and THAT'S ALL.
No one: Not a customer, an employee, a manager, or a concerned citizen said a single word to me about my free-breathing mug. What a lovely experience!