The Inside Story

My sense of empathy began developing even before I was delivered into the hospital maternity ward. The language of the body and the vocabulary of tone of voice were loud and clear. There were tears and sadness, agonizing regret and bitter resentment, there was despair and hopelessness. My training as an empath began with the emotional state of my mother being absorbed by me as an infant still in the womb. The grander the emotions, the deeper the empathy available to the newborn child. A mother that is soaked in tears and devastated with fear cannot be ignored. The wracked cries and the stomach-churning worry that my mom experienced were part of my personality structuring. It’s not a surprise to me now that I’ve always been sensitive to another’s pain. I learned in the womb what hurt feels like.

She was only 19 and had snared, against all odds, a man of promise, of good stock, of wealth and she had reversed her fortunes by becoming pregnant, (with me). The father-to-be had been engaged to be married to a wealthy young lady. Without consulting anyone he married my mother in a private ceremony and the newlyweds slipped away to their honeymoon - a drive to St. Louis, Missouri, to meet his parents. They stopped at the outskirts of the city at a motel and he left his new bride there while he drove to inform his fiancee of the change in circumstances.

But the story unravels here for me and for my mother for the fiancee was having none of it. She told the young father-to-be to continue driving - as if on a honeymoon tour of the country and that he would be contacted and given instruction on what to do in a day or so. He went back to the motel where she waited. He knew that the marriage would be annulled, the baby adopted, my mother left with a small sum of cash and the admonition that she was never to contact him again. He knew this for at least another day.

A few days later he left her in the room and drove back to St. Louis and his life. There was a knock at the motel door and she opened the door to an attorney with a letter, a check, and an agreement for her signature. Arrangements had been made for her to be taken to a home for unwed mothers where she would be well looked after and where she would give birth to the child. A Missouri doctor and his wife had agreed to adopt and would take possession immediately. She would receive a payment for her trouble. She was never to contact him again.

Imagine how she must have felt. What a rollercoaster of extremes. One day a young mother with a handsome wealthy husband cavorting about the countryside in a convertible car with a bright future to contemplate. The next being abandoned and having some stranger deliver the news that it’s all fallen apart. And then the months of being away from everyone she knew as she secretly carried a child that would be given away. Even an infant could feel that. Even an infant that was not yet born could feel her heart’s agony.