I took this picture when I was in the US last spring... for my mother's funeral. I have more awesome shots in the pictures I took on that trip than I realized. I think I've been in a daze since before she died. The last year and several months have been pretty rough for me.
Trying to create through the emotional turmoil, depression, and overwhelming health mess has really been a struggle. I have little urge anymore to get out my camera and go take pictures. Getting words out is like pulling one's own teeth with pliers when the teeth are still healthy and don't want to let go. I've done a little crocheting but not much of that. My rope and leather workshop is getting shut down because I'm no longer capable of the job and just don't care.
I'm getting some success with my writing, but I owe that to my friends at @ink-ubator who have held my hand through every story and poem I've attempted and talked me down every time I wanted to trash every word and give up on everything.
I'm starting to care again so I must be getting through the worst of it, but trying to rebuild routines that get me productive and manage my role in running things at INKubator along with actually creating myself... It's difficult.
For a while the book reviews were keeping me doing something but now I've even fallen behind on those and now it feels like my to-do list is a huge boulder running down the track and I'm the tiny-in-comparison human trying to push it back to the top of the hill and over the edge so it goes the other way.
Somehow I will find my way through this and start chipping chunks off the boulder to make it smaller, but it won't be easy. I miss words. I miss photos. I miss feeling creative and productive and functional. But the air in my hermit's cave has gone stale and I need to get out of it and clean up the mess I've made wallowing.
Like the vulture, I need to spread my wings in the sun and let the sun and the wind clean and refresh me.
Chip away. It’s a start! Sometimes the smallest efforts can make that big boulder seem a little less overwhelming.
At the end of the day, we can all only do so much, regardless of our state of physical, emotional and mental well-being. When you add challenges, loss of a loved one, and the clutter of too many hobbies or commitments, that ability gets reduced even further.
I personally have had to let go of or cut back on many things to stop the feeling of spinning and getting nowhere. I’m writing. Not every day. But regularly. And that focus of one important pursuit (outside my family, household and full time job) — not trying to also run writing challenges and do 100 other activities — has brought me some clarity and calm.
Wishing you continued healing and recovery, @bex-dk.
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