How do you deal with harsh criticism from family and friends when depressed?

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If one of your loved ones suffers from deep sadness, it is important to convince him that you care about him and that you are ready to help him. And to support this person, it is useful to know how to do it:

Listen and be interested in what the person lives: 

For a depressed person, the greatest quality of a caregiver is their ability to listen. To encourage your loved one to speak, you must have an attitude of openness, gentleness and patience. In this way, your support will be a great comfort. Let the depressed person speak openly. Expressing your feelings is sometimes difficult. Depressed people do not want to be jostled or feel defensive. Listen carefully, speak little and keep eye contact. Thus, the suffering person will feel confident and accepted as he is. *** 

Take your suffering seriously: 

The depressed person needs to take his or her emotional state seriously. So do not trivialize her or. And above all, avoid pronouncing sentences such as:    

•  Many people experience things more tragic than you and are not depressed.    
• Everyone has their own problems.    
• Your problem is not so bad. I lived a lot worse and I survived. 

Show your affection: 

One of the best things you can do to help your loved one is to show him how you care about him. If you feel that the other person needs physical comfort, do not hesitate to hug him. A big hug can do so much good. It is also very useful to affirm your unconditional support, saying for example:     

• I love you unconditionally no matter what you say or do.    
• In my eyes, you are so important.     
• I will never abandon you. 

The support of someone you trust is important, especially when you have deep anxieties. Even if your loved one seems indifferent, know that he appreciates your efforts to help him. So, do not doubt, if your loved one is severely depressed, your support is a great help. Understand as much as possible: 

The depressed person sometimes annoys his relatives when she complains, when she can not work or participate in everyday life. It is not bad will, but the effect of his condition. Make the effort to understand the situation of your afflicted loved one. Here are the typical symptoms of depressed people:    

•  Sadness     
• Insomnia and fatigue when waking up     
• Intolerance to small annoyances of life     
• Loss of general interest    
•  Restricting oneself    
•  Emotional indifference     
• Sometimes aggressive behavior 

To help you better understand your loved one, remember your own dark times. Remember to what extent everything became difficult if not painful in this state of despair. Imagine how difficult it would be to live this way for a long time.

Be tolerant:

Avoid responding to aggression by aggression. Because of their suffering, people with depression sometimes pronounce offensive words for no apparent reason. Do not take these offenses too much to heart. Recognize that the depressed person wants you no harm. His mood swings are not personal. If someone else had been in your place, she would have been offended. In the name of the affection you have for your loved one, be tolerant and forgive.

Respect the point of view of the depressed person:

Some mistakenly believe that the best way to help depressed people is to be full of enthusiasm. In general, things are not completely pink. Objectively, we can not deny the presence of certain difficult situations. A deeply depressed person focuses exclusively on the negative aspects of his life. So if the context is right, recognize the presence of difficulties. But express them in a realistic way, presenting the positive and the negative. Here are some examples :

•      Suffering is human, getting by and no longer suffering is too.
•      Some things are painful, but time overcomes everything.
•      A lot of people are depressed. Although not easy, many are doing well.
•      By referring to the problem of your loved one: It is true that there is this problem, but it is surmountable.

Avoid certain topics of conversation:

Most people do not realize the consequences of a simple topic of conversation. A bad choice on your part can momentarily worsen the condition of a depressed person. Admittedly, it is sometimes necessary to tackle difficult subjects, for example the need to consult (see If necessary, get the person to consult: below). But unless you have a very good reason, avoid topics of conversation that could make your loved one worse. Of course, it is very important to listen to this one with interest. So, when your loved one addresses himself as a depressed person, respect his choice and listen carefully. Above all, do not try to avoid the subject as if it were ashamed to be depressed. Talk about this condition freely, if it's the right time and if your loved one is open.

Advise with extreme caution:

It is counterproductive to overwhelm your loved one with "good advice" because depressed people generally have a lot more need to be listened to than to be counseled. But, if the situation lends itself, a well-chosen advice may be useful. Keep in mind, however, that some advice (even with the best of intentions) may be offensive, for example:

• In your place, I would do this or that ...
• Move around a bit and it'll be better.
• Do not let yourself go this way!

Such observations often have the effect of accentuating the feeling of helplessness of the depressed person. Finally, if you think that advice is really relevant, start by asking your loved one what you can do for him. Listen carefully to his answer and do what he asks (if it's relevant). This will make it more receptive. Afterwards, if you feel that the moment is appropriate to express your advice:

•    Present it as your point of view, not as the absolute truth.
•    Do not immediately ask him what he thinks about your advice.
•    Give him time to think about what you just said.

Foster intimacy:

Regularly spend quality time with your loved one, among others alone. Suggest outings or find activities you can do together. This gives your loved one the opportunity to confide in what's wrong. The important thing is to create a warm atmosphere in which your loved one wants to share their feelings.

Promote physical exercise

It is very useful to encourage your loved one to do physical exercise, even if you want to do it with him. Move releases substances in us that help to reduce tension and improve our sleep. In addition, regular physical exercise promotes some self-esteem, which is very useful for self-esteem.

Promote leisure activities:

Your depressed family member may feel too tired to participate in the activities they once enjoyed. The less active he is, the less motivated he will be to become one. It's a vicious circle that fuels the feeling of depression. So without harassing him, encourage your loved one to resume the activities that gave him pleasure: hobbies, entertainment, artistic or cultural. Remember, however, that it can be counter-productive to rush your loved one or to force too much activity too quickly. A severely depressed person quickly runs out, as he constantly struggles with accumulated fatigue and dark thoughts.

"There is no better exercise for the heart than to bend over to help someone get up. "         

John A. Holmes