the dangers of late night shopping

_{this post has no nutritional content}

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FAIR WARNING!
THIS IS A SHIT (FOOD) POST!!

disclaimer: please note that this post is in no way a recommendation of or an advertisement for this product. web photos from walmart used for illustrative purposes.

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eh, middle of the night, so not the best posting time, butdilligaf ? << points for correct use of dilligaf in a sentence... bite me dun :P ... but here i am and i'm in a mood, so here it goes :P

that's correct, i will now emulate the scraping the bottom of the barrel shit posters to bring you this sincere upbeat drivel of a pimped out shit post about - heinously crappy food that parents feed their kids.

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_{yes, these really exist}

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went shopping tonight (hence the title of this post) and happened upon this scary little 'bargain shopper' beauty! that's right, ten cent, marked down from a buck.

what, you think I would pay actual money for this shit? but it's for a worthy cause so i forked over a dime.

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Dirt Cake! sounds kinda poetic, in street slang, a kids fantasy snack, high in calories, almost no nutritional content. well at least it's not addictive.

thats correct, the ultimate wee beastie's junk food, chocolate pudding sugar dipped gummies, with all the requisite toxic level food colorings, additives, artificial flavors, preservatives and gawd knows what else, but for the sake of sub-cultural experimentation and societal reference, I dared to try this toxic treat.

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About This Item ~ See our disclaimer ~
(courtesy of https://www.walmart.com/ip/Lunchables-Snack-Combinations-Dirt-Cake-1-95-OZ/38305622)

DIRT CAKE KIT 12-1.95 OUNCE Lunchables Snack Combinations Dirt Cake, 1.95 OZ
Ingredients:
Gummy Worms: Corn Syrup, Sugar, Gelatin, Citric Acid, Sorbitol, Natural and Artificial Flavors, FD&C Yellow #5, Yellow #6, Blue #1, Red #40, Vegetable Oil (Coconut), Carnauba Wax (for Anti-Sticking).Chocolate Flavored Marshmallow Creme: Sugar, Water, Dextrose (Corn), Corn Syrup, Cocoa Processed with Alkali, Modified Corn Starch, Natural & Artificial Flavors, Color (Titanium Dioxide), Potassium Sorbate and Sodium Benzoate as Preservatives, Gellan Gum (Sodium Citrate, Gellan Gum, Sugar), Xanthan Gum, Citric Acid and Nonfat Dry Milk.Cookie Crumbs: Unbleached Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate {Vitamin B1}, Riboflavin {Vitamin B2}, Folic Acid), Sugar, Palm and/or Canola Oil, Cocoa (Processed with Alkali), High Fructose Corn Syrup, Leavening (Baking Soda and/or Calcium Phosphate), Cornstarch, Salt, Soy Lecithin, Vanillin- an Artificial Flavor, Chocolate.

Directions:
Instructions: No need to refrigerate.Do not freeze.Do not microwave!

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It even comes with instructions! well, assuming the kid can read and comprehend.

toxic because I tend to be allergic to most artificial shit. how allergic? dunno, but i suspect my skin will erupt and i might be in a pissy mood. stay tuned to the future comments.

and yes, I did eat it. the red gummies were rather tasty, tho with the candy coating the after taste was sickly sweet. have bit of a tummy ache hence...

interesting tie ins: no surprise that lunchables is a subsidiary of Oscar Mayer (once known for the quality of their meat products). well in 1981, it was sold to General Foods, aka Phillip Morris -yes, the tobacco giant - who later merged it with Kraft. So the people who used to sell teenagers cigarettes are now pushing crap food solutions on the busy mothers of young kids.

surprising fact: 4% of the FDAs daily requirement of iron. also, high fructose corn syrup was not in the top ten ingredients.

unsurprising: FD&C Yellow #5, Yellow #6, Blue #1, Red #40.

According to Eating Well's The Hidden Health Risks of Food Dyes, "The three most widely used culprits—Yellow 5, Yellow 6 and Red 40—contain compounds, including benzidine and 4-aminobiphenyl, that research has linked with cancer. Research has also associated food dyes with problems in children including allergies, hyperactivity, learning impairment, irritability and aggressiveness."

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not that i'd ever eat this again, but my one complaint was the gummies ran out before the coating. kinda wondered how this would taste with sour watermelon or peach gummies, or perhaps bacon or jalepeno. having said that i really hope someone at Oscar Mayer does NOT think this is a good idea. at the same time i wonder if the artificial shit went so quickly to my brain that I actually contemplated this.

what scares me is that an eight year old with a dollar in his pocket will not understand any of this shit, and that there won't be a responsible adult next to him to just say NO. then again I'm a responsible adult and I'm printing this. sigh...

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_{luckily I also bought my usual organic milk which will hopefully offset the poisons I recently ingested...}