HOW TO DATE THE INSTAGRAM GIRL YOU’VE NEVER MET

Instagram is a romantic place. Just by looking at someone’s pictures you can tell whether you love them or not (cue ‘Love Is In The Air’ by John Paul Young).

So, now that you’ve fallen madly in love, how do you date the Instagram girl you’ve never met? Well, much like Einstein, I like to solve life’s important questions. And much like E = mc2, INSTA = LOVE.

Now let’s say for this example, it’s the common Instagram equation: you follow her, but she doesn’t follow you. The short term goal is to get on her radar and perhaps even get a “like”, the long term goal is to get a “follow back”, because on Instagram if two single people follow each other, they are basically married. It’s the law.

We hit up a comedian (Ash Williams) and a dating coach (Chris Manak) to get the all important tips on how to get that all important follow back (and a date):

According To A Comedian
Some girls have over 500,000 followers, so you’ve got to stand out from the crowd. The best way to do this is to ONLY like the posts that nobody else does. For example, she might gram a pic of a chair or a glass of milk and it’s not “popping”. So “like” the picture, and if you are feeling adventurous perhaps comment, “nice chair” or “I love milk”. Once again, anything to get on her radar.

According To A Dating Coach
In a time when everyone is plastering their Social Media with more and more “high value” shit they’re doing, I think what is most attractive is capturing and sharing what you genuinely enjoy doing in your life. Keep it light-hearted.

Don’t try so hard. I’ve had endless clients over the years slather their Instagram with photos in expensive restaurants, with beautiful women, looking off into the distance from the bow of some sailboat, and still get nothing from the ladies.

Of course, some of this is fine, but it’s very obvious when this is not your real life and you’re running around looking for opportunities to present to the world some bullshit version of yourself. You win the game by not playing the game. Be genuine.

According To A Comedian
Go on her page but don’t like anything, be like an Instagram ghost. Your main objective of going stealth is to get a figurative feel for her hobbies and interests…perhaps she likes kittens or orange juice; whatever it is, you are gathering valuable information. If you feel the urge to click something, then take a screen shot, but don’t be a weirdo by going deep in the profile and liking her Thailand pics from 154 weeks ago.

According To A Dating Coach
If you accidentally like an old pic: don’t do anything. Definitely don’t DM her and try to recover it. What’s done is done, just let it sit. She might even wonder about it, like when you ask a girl how her night is going in a bar and then walk off.

According To A Comedian
Take notes of which cafes she likes to go to. These are now your favourite cafes – I once travelled interstate for a girl I loved on Instagram (but had never met). I went to her favourite cafe for three consecutive days and I am now talking to this girl.

According To A Dating Coach
Test out a joke/tease in her Stories. Don’t comment on her public photos like every other chump, and for the love of god, don’t tell her how beautiful she is or put the flame emoticon. There is a girl on my IG that I will just constantly say “Doesn’t match” to any clothes related Story that she posts. She hates it, but it gets a reaction every time.

According To A Comedian
You will need to be a strong actor when you bump into your “Instagram girl” and act as if you know nothing about her when you actually know EVERYTHING about her.

According To A Dating Coach
No comment.

According To A Comedian
Yes you can private message on Instagram. Send a tasteful pic – not of your favourite body part – of the ocean or some sand. The picture will be so relaxing that she will think she is on holiday and should respond promptly.

According To A Dating Coach
Treat it exactly like getting a phone number. Build some rapport first. Don’t necessarily try to ask her out in the first contact (a super common mistake guys make with phone numbers). Contact her, have a chat, leave it (unless it takes off from the get-go of course). When some time passes, contact her again, have a chat, ask if she’d like to catch up then if she is as receptive as the first time. There really is no magic to it.

“There is a lot to be said for a man who isn’t in a rush.”

According To A Comedian
Good luck. By using these tips you should end up married…or in jail.

According To A Dating Coach
On Instagram, amuse YOURSELF first and foremost. Just post the fun and weird shit that you see in your everyday life. Make a bit of a joke of the whole thing. Just yesterday I posted a Story of a table that I walked past that had a “Free” sign posted to it. I had clearly missed out because the table had nothing left besides a few leaves that had fallen onto it. I posted a photo captioned, “Free leaves! Shit yeah” … and even that got DMs.