About ten years ago, maybe five, internet dating got saddled with this idea that if you use it there was something wrong with you. That you were socially awkward and had trouble finding a date in real life. But the same things were said when you were a nerd. It wasn't that long ago that nerds were at the bottom of the popularity chart and now it's almost uncool if you are not one. Things and people change. So @funny is announcing that internet dating is no longer something to scoff at. Why do I say this? Well here is a list of reasons why internet dating is a legit, and sometimes better, way to meet new people.
You Mean You Have A Personality
If you meet someone at a bar or club what are you really basing your decision on. It's simple, you're basing it on looks and looks alone. I'm not going to argue how important looks are, or are are not, in a relationship but I can tell you, if you don't have anything in common, the relationship is going to suffer. There are cases, and this is rare, when you happen to see a tattoo of something the person likes that you like as well, but even if that is the case, basing a relationship on one common interest isn't a solid plan. And yes, you can argue that internet dating is shallow as well, people with hot pictures are the ones getting more messages. But under that picture is a bio and depending on the site, other information about the person beside how they look in a swimsuit. It may not be a lot but it is something.
Get To Know The Person First
So you flash a smile at a club and the person comes over. You try to make funny banter in their ear but they can't hear a word you're saying. But they think you're cute, so they smile and start to dance with you. Maybe you end up exchanging numbers or a kiss in the corner of the club. That is great, but what did you really learn about the person. I have had times, and yes I am embarrased to admit this, where I wasn't even sure of the woman's name when I called her. Needless to say that relationship didn't work out. But when you meet someone online you have to converse with them. There has to be some kind of back and forth before a meetup is agreed upon. For some people it a quick hey let's meet for coffee and others it may be months of late night conversations, but either way the option to really talk is presented in every case.
Less Pressure
It's easier, in a way, to be yourself on the net. You can tell people things about yourself that you would have trouble saying in person. There is no fear of what the other person will say or how they will look at you and once you are comfortable that this person likes the real you then you can decide to meet. And there is the added benefit of being able to end the conversation anytime without any awkwardness. It can take months to tell someone things about you that you can spill out online in an conversation and see how they react. And if the getting to know the person doesn't work out, you can send a friendly goodbye message and move on to someone else. No need to have to wait until the date is over as you look at the clock every five minutes.
I Don't Have The Time To Meet People
That isn't just an excuse. People are busy and dating takes time. Meeting people even takes time. When you go out to a club or bar, you have to get ready, get there and spend, who knows how long, trying to make eye contact, or 'bump into', someone who wants to be 'bumped into' by you. That is if the person even wants to be bothered to chat. There are people who go to clubs because they want to dance or unwind and they don't want to be bothered by some one who is looking for a date. Plus it gets expensive. There are cover charges, costs of transport, drinks. And if you do meet someone you can only get to know them so much in the bar, so that means going on a date, which costs more money. It adds up, especially when you are meeting a lot of people who are not right for you.
I'm Shy
There is nothing wrong with being shy. Some people need time before they are comfortable putting themselves out there. Who cares. You are worth it and you want to find someone who knows that. And maybe you are a bit "weird" by some people's standards. Again, who cares. Okay techincally this doesn't argue agianst being socially awkward. But if you are, so what, good for you. We all have our quirks.
Now I know there are negatives. There are people who are not who they say are and times when you meet someone online that you click with over the net but don't seem to gel with when you meet up in person. It is not perfect. And yeah there are benefits to meeting people in person rather than online. But that does not take away from the benefits that online dating has. It is an option, a very viable one, of meeting people and you, if you choose to use it, should not feel lesser for doing so.
(pexels.com)
So you are starting to meet new people, now what? I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to tell you that all you have to do is be yourself and everyone will be interested in you. That phone numbers will fall at your feet and your social calender will run out of space. Cause it won't. In reality, being yourself probably won't attract as many dates as you possibly could get. But getting a higher number of yeses shouldn't be your goal, especially if you are looking for a long-term serious relationship. What you want is to find that one person, the one who is going to be there for the real you. That one who knows who you are on your good days and your bad and will still stick it out for you when you are at your worse. If you waste all your time impressing the wrong people, you might miss your chance with the right ones.
When I was younger and didn't know better, I had made mistakes of acting in a way that I thought the person I liked wanted me to act like. And I have seen times when others have done it for me. We have all been there. Maybe its something small, like you pretend to like a band that you would never listen to, or something bigger, like pretending your an outdoors person when really all you want to do is stay home on a Saturday night in your pajamas. And this can work at first. If you are good enough at understanding what the other person likes, and wants, you can give it to them. But how long can you do it before it becomes a chore? When you start to act "differently" because you start to voice what you really think. At some point the person who you are will start to surface. Or worse it won't and that pushed down resentment can lead to some bad moods and arguements down the line.
So give it a try. You are going to meet a lot of people that you will not, in one way or another, click with. That is just fine. So is being rejected. It does not feel great when it happens, but it happens. You are no worse off then before you got rejected. And who knows how much time you would have wasted chasing the wrong person. Be smart about your time and just be yourself.
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