So recently and at least in part because of the emergence of my ex in town I have finally decided to put myself back on the market so to speak and so far, most of what I have experienced has been less than awesome. I haven't participated very much in the modern notion of dating ever since it went fully online and into apps and I don't really like what it has become. Bumble, Tinder, and the other things like it feel like you are shopping for things on Amazon only not everything is for sale.
There are also a lot of tricks built into these apps to try to force you to pay for a premium subscription and I have actually done a comparison with a female friend of mine how these tricks work. Maybe I'll write about that some other time.
This ended up in a FB post that a friend had up so I don't know how to source it. It's just words so maybe the overlords wont mind since I could have made it myself.
Anyway, that is kind of how I feel about most of the Tinder dates I have gone on. For starters, all of my pictures are old. I don't take many pictures of myself at all and don't have much of a stock to choose from. I also don't use any filters. Some of the girls I have met up with have clearly used a ton of filters or used pictures from a long time ago of themselves. This is disappointing but not at all surprising. One of the girls I met up with told me that I look better in person than my profile pictures so that made me feel kind of good.
The above words in the pic are so true though. Some have referred to Tinder dates as "sex interviews" and that is really what they feel like. It is nerve-wracking when you first meet up and the small talk can be difficult to get flowing. Hopefully conversation takes off but if it doesn't it is not a nice situation at all. On one of the "dates" things became so dry and uncomfortable that I actually just announced that "this isn't working out, I'm sorry, but I'm going to go now." I paid for the coffee and snacks and just left. I later apologized to her in a message but I mean, if you can't come up with stuff to talk about for 20 minutes when you first meet, I wouldn't say there is much chance of a future. The girl in question was extremely good-looking as well so I think that she is probably used to guys just doing whatever it takes in order to get with her, including be completely in charge of conversation.
In that situation I felt like I should have turned up with documents and questions to ask because this girl, while very pretty, was putting almost zero effort into attempting to participating in the conversation: She certainly wasn't asking any questions about me.
There is also a certain aspect about women that I was reminded of while I was going through this process and it kind of made me think about that old cliché about how when you are in a relationship, tons of options come your way but when you are single, it seems almost impossible that anyone is interested in you at all.
The story goes like this
I knew a guy in college that would wear a fake wedding right because it helped him get attention from women. He slept with dozens of women that thought he was cheating on his wife with them. When he told the girls that he was single afterwards they were all outraged.
Now I don't know if this story is true but certain aspects of it do seem legit. When I was in relationships in the past it seemed like every girl I met was flirting with me but this doesn't necessarily mean that women are looking for something that is already taken, it could just mean that I was confident and not at all nervous because I wasn't trying to pick anyone up. I do think there is some truth to people, especially younger women enjoying a challenge though and even though it is terrible to think this way, I think there are a bunch of folks out there that want to see if they have what it takes to make a man (or a woman) cheat on someone that they have a bond with.
I suppose that isn't terribly related to what I am going through as far as dating is concerned but it just came to my mind. I am not a fan of modern dating and would prefer to have things just happen naturally or by accident. This is much more difficult to pull of in Vietnam than it would be in a English-speaking country because if you are interested in the locals, there is a very good chance that the person you are scoping from across the room isn't even capable of talking to you. The apps help in this regard because if they can't hold down a conversation in WhatsApp where they have the advantage of translation tools, you can be assured they won't be able to talk to you in person. I'm not interested in a relationship with subtitles, even if the person is seriously hot, so I guess this is a good thing.
I'm in no hurry, but so far the app dates I have been on have been a bit lackluster... or maybe I am just boring!