Tinder Fails: Going out with a genuine witch

Oh Tinder, the wonderful thing that drives modern-day dating. I hate it, but unfortunately it is a big part of the dating world these days. It has its purpose and sometimes that purpose can be really good. A lot of people met for the first time online these days and I personally know people that have gone on to have a wonderful relationship that they otherwise probably wouldn't have had just because it is very unlikely that they would have even met their partner if it weren't for the app that matched them up.

For me though, basically every match I have ever had have been a disaster. Some of them are a bit more nuts than others though and today I want to tell you a story about a girl that I met that was properly crazy.

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Now when I say "crazy" I don't just mean that we didn't get along because with this particular girl we actually did get along initially because I found her fascination with witchcraft quite fascinating the same way that I would find it fascinating of someone was really into anything else and was passionate about it. I too find the notion of magic and things like that to be a lot of fun but I draw the line at people that think that it is actually real.

So I don't even remember this girl's name because it was about 5 years ago when we first matched up. This took place in Thailand and for whatever reason, it is very common for people to suggest to meet up at Sizzler restaurant and yes, that is a very widespread and popular place in Thailand. So I met her at Sizzler and I noticed right away that she had a ton of tattoos that were basically covering most of her body. I don't have a problem with tattoos, on some people I think they look awesome but for the most part I don't find it attractive, that is just my personal thing and I am entitled to it. However, I do know that people who are really into tattoos tend to be pretty passionate about that as well so I asked her the backstory on a couple of them.

She obliged and I think I might have insulted her a little bit when I chuckled when she told me that one particular one, which was visible near her neck even with a shirt on, was something that keeps a certain kind of bad spirits away from her. Sort of like a charm or emblem in a fantasy movie. To me this, in real life, is akin to people believing that vampires are both real, as well as a genuine threat that a normal person can expect to encounter even though none of us know anyone that has ever seen an actual vampire. I wasn't sure if she was joking or not but I did find it childishly funny that someone would believe in that.

She didn't like that I laughed and took offense at it so I let it go and because I didn't want a scene I pretended as though I admired that sort of thing although in reality I think it is extremely nuts for a grown up (she was in her late 20's) to get something permanently etched on their body in order to keep evil spirits away from them.

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it was something like the above but I really don't remember what it was.

When we moved on from that conversation to talk about something less crazy I could see that she really wanted to linger on that conversation topic so later on I found out that one of the things she does for money is to sell spiritual relics that are very similar to her tattoo to ward off evil. Now if this is what we had started with I would have found that to be very cool and a lot less crazy because collecting occult items is something I can get behind. But actually believing that these occult items are magical is not something I think a sane adult would actually do. Anyway, I thought "well, at least she isn't typical" and I ran with it and kept asking her more and more questions about the things in her shop. I genuinely wasn't being patronizing and was not picking on her hobby or her beliefs. One thing was for sure though, I could tell that this relationship definitely wasn't going anywhere because to quote Jack Nicholson's character in As Good as it Gets, "go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here."

I'm not one to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings so I just asked questions and the conversation was pretty good. I could tell that she was annoyed that I wasn't one of her kind though and I don't know if she wanted me to sign up for her cult right then and there but I wasn't going to pretend to believe in witchcraft just to maybe get laid. So we finished eating, walked around the mall a little bit and then I made up some story about how I had to meet a friend somewhere at a certain time. I'm sure a lot of people have done this before in the past both men and women.

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Things seemed fine when I left and well, it was an enjoyable time for me even though I had no intention of ever going out with this woman again. Things seemed fine to me but soon after, she started to contact me rather obsessively kind of like we had been in a relationship for years and she was a jealous girlfriend. She was questioning what I was doing, where I was, who I was with, and even started demanding photo evidence when I would tell the truth (no reason for me to lie) when I would say I was on a bike ride, at Tesco, or whatever. I did not provide her with the photos more than once though and basically started to be honest with her about how I had a good time with her but I don't think it would work out with us and that I wasn't interested.

Well she didn't like that at ALL.

Now make no mistake, I'm not bad looking but I am no Adonis or Brad Pitt, I'm probably a 6 or a 7 out of 10 on the attractiveness scale but this woman now seemed as though she was absolutely obsessed with me. At one point she showed me some food that she had made and asked me where I lived because she would like to drop it off to me. There was no way in hell that I was going to tell this person where I lived so I kept making up excuses for why she couldn't come by and then eventually I had to be blunt with her and tell her that we are not going to go out again and there is no reason for her to be making me food or bringing me anything. Keep in mind that I haven't so much as kissed the girl at this point so it isn't like I pulled a one-night stand and now was blowing her off like some sort of scumbag.

The crazy got worse from then forward though as she started sending me pictures of her hanging out with guys and some of them were pictures of her kissing or hugging them. I don't know if she thought that this was going to make me jealous because it certainly didn't. What it did accomplish was to make me extremely happy that I dodged a bullet with this crazy gal. I contemplated blocking her because she wouldn't be able to find me in the city of over a million people that I lived in but instead I tried being nice and telling her things like "I'm happy that you found someone and are having fun."

The fact that her photos that she sent to me didn't make me jealous apparently enraged her even further as she started to send semi-threatening messages in ALL CAPS.

It's at this point that I just stopped responding to her messages and once again, this just made her even more enraged.

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I think it was about a month after we went to that wonderfully romantic dinner at Sizzler that she sent me a picture of a ritual that she performed where she was placing a curse on me for wronging her. I wish I had saved that picture better than I did because I don't know where it is... it was on a phone long since gotten rid of.

I never responded to anything that she sent to me from that point forward and I muted her on the app that we were talking to one another through. I didn't block her or report her because I actually found her apparent mental illness to be a bit amusing. I mean, you don't meet many genuinely crazy people in your life so I found her to be interesting but not interesting enough to get involved with her. Can you imagine how absolutely impossible it would be to date someone like that?

It was at that point that I stepped off of Tinder for a while and just decided to hang out with the boys and remain single. I don't think I swiped on Tinder for the better part of a year after that experience.

I am extremely grateful that I didn't tell this person where I lived because she seems the type that would break into my house and kill my dog.

Whatever the curse was, it didn't stick.. well that is unless the curse was to turn me off from using Tinder for a year or so. If that was the intent, then her spell was effective. Like most people I meet in life, I hope that she found whatever the hell it is that she is looking for but honestly, I cant imagine the kind of person that would be willing to put up with that sort of thing. I only spent a couple of hours with her and she became completely obsessed with me for a few months after that.