a navy captain

A captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.
The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.
The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells,

There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A state trooper pulled it over.
“What did I do wrong, officer?” the driver asked.
“You were going 26 MPH on a major highway, there is a law against that. You must go at least 50 MPH.”
“But when I got onto the highway, the sign said 26!”
“That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn’t the speed limit!”
The driver leaned back into her car seat and the cop saw another woman sitting beside her, she looked as pale as a ghost.
“What happened to her?’ the officer asked.
“I don’t know, but she has been that way ever since we got off the interstate 160.”