Being different
Feeling low
feeling helpless, this is not the first time I've wrote this way with the exact same words. I won't get tired of asking myself
Why?
This disgusting person I have become.
My mum says that problems builds character.. but
I am worthless.
I was born to be built strong but I'm melting like butter.
The experiences I have overcome are making me look back and trip furthermore.
I have been molded into a grieving jelous bitch.
A Jelous bitch who craves for self sufficiency
A bitch who wishes to have eyes that has no judgement upon her body.
A used towel that has been soaked and stood on by many people.
I must be grateful to be a used towel, I am no better worth than that.
Life and I have worked hard to categories me as a 'low standard'
I am no better than a silent pebble at the back of your shoe.
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Negative self-talk starts with primary 'caregivers' and other authoritative figures in your early development treating you inconsistently, at times carelessly -- accidentally, as this tends to be a flaw of all humans, or systematically because they themselves have severe personality disorders.
DEFINE YOURSELF ... an internal process of individuation. Devalue the opinions of those who devalue you. While those around you are essentially integral to your existence, YOU decide if their opinions of you are you, and if not, you must make a conscious effort to distance yourself from them, establish your own personal boundaries.
I say it's mostly an internal process because it seems collectives have always undermined individuals, especially those unfit for the roles the collective assigned them, especially 'object', 'victim', 'base of the dominance hierarchy pyramid' etc. because it benefits especially those at the top and those who can't escape their 'comfort zone' even if the only comfort they attain in the hierarchy is psychological projection and sadistic pleasure in harming those beneath them in the dominance hierarchy.
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