Deepest Depression.

in depression •  8 years ago 

Hello.

This is my first post here, so I don't really expect anyone to read it, but anyways, here I go.

I am a lonely person. I haven't got many friends, and I haven't got much self-esteem.
Sometimes life is just really really hard. Sometimes it's so hard that I just want to die. I wonder how I could do it.
But I'm afraid. I'm so afraid of that sort of gruesome end. It seems so unpleasant, that I just just try to numb my brain and think of nothing. But it doesn't work.

I'm still filled with thoughts. Horrifying ideas. Disturbing ideas. And sometimes a rare, but welcome, very good idea.
Hopefully that's what this little blog will be filled with. Good ideas that people like hearing. If you like hearing them, please upvote my posts! If I can make money here, I'll be able to buy food, and maybe with some financial security, I'll feel less doomed.

Anyways, that's all for now.

~Kitten

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I am in the same boat as you, I get very depressed from time to time. I also have various mental health diagnosis' . I have a hard time dealing with it. I am very isolated, so I know how you feel. I just have enough friends and family just to keep me going.

I love writing stories and other related works, but when I started with Steemit, I didn't know what to do.

So I tried something new, instead of being negative all the time, I've been writing positive and inspirational posts here. So far, I'm not getting very much interest, but that is besides the point, I am writing them for myself and if they help anyone else, that's great.

For me, they have helped somewhat with my mood, knowing that deep down inside, I have a positive and cheerful spirit fighting to get out into the open.

you can read my posts here if interested: @anthonyc

If you ever need someone to talk to, you can call on me. I hope the rest of your evening goes well for you.

Hey Kitten, I think my post was above yours for a reason ;) I am going to continue to release advice and tips, also reviews on books I've been reading to help this. I suffer from it too, it's terrible. But together we can fight it! You're never alone. X

Thank you Nelli.

Your words make me feel less afraid. Every little friend I meet helps a light blossom in the endless shadows of life. Thank you.

Dear kitten sorry to hear about what u are going, through, I want to tell you are not alone, we all go through depression, from time, to time, I also want to say after hardship comes ease. Please don't try or even think about taking ur live away, a faith! I don't know if u believe. In God or not, but just rember there's always light at the end of the tunnel, My last advice is regardless of what ur going through, for as long as ur alive u live to fight another day.

Pray. God bless.

Thank you. You are a kind person.
I hope your road of life is smooth and the clouds light, to let the sunshine down upon you.

You're welcome thanks for the reply... Remember sometimes you're down and sometimes your up. it's up to you to look at the glass half empty or half full.

Follow me. I actually am working on a post that I should have up in the next 24 hours that strikes a similar vein. I've been struggling with major depression of late even to the point of also considering the unthinkable. Fortunately for me I have a great deal of resilience and recognize that not only are there people there when I need them, but I have a wife and three daughters who need me. Hang in there kitten.

I'm sorry for trawling your earlier posts. This one particularly fills me with sadness. For someone as wise as yourself I find it incredibly hard to understand the depression side, yet, that is my failing and not yours.

It's often said that those more aware of this world are more depressed because they understand how doomed we actually are.

Indeed. I understood the doom and gloom. I thought about the world too much, and realized how truly terrible it can be.

But I kept thinking. I never stopped. I ruminated, I pondered, I processed, and I learned.

Since this post was written, I've conquered depression. I've seen the darkness, and I've seen the light, and beyond just light, I've seen more forces of nature. Gravity, magnetism, nuclear forces, and quantum forces. There is far more to this world than dark and light.

More to it than physics, and more to it than chemistry. There is far more than can ever be comprehended, unless I can prove that wrong as well. All these words are symbolic though. If dark is bad, and light is good, what is nuclear or gravitational, when talking about symbolism? An essay for another day.

But as for my conquering; I wrote a post: Assault on Chronic Depression.

That sort of title is something to strike fear into the very concept of depression itself.

I slayed the demon, and now I am free.

Brilliant. I feel you are wise, well beyond me. I'm really glad that you slayed the demon for it is ferocious and can strike when you least expect it!