Things Dudes Have Said to Me After Sex

is my apple watch under the bed?
you’re like Amy Schumer hot
you were like really into it
do you know Bon Iver?
do you know what Bon Iver means though?
I’m considering an MFA
your butt looks like an old painting
you look like a combination of Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry
you’ve gotten better at that
what day is it?
do you have a droid charger?
I’m 19
I can’t drive you home I’m on shrooms
my brother is a vine star
you seemed more like a virgo online
those are oak trees
cigarettes are cartoonish
oh I’ve been in jail
are you still doing improv?
want to come to my karate class?
I have a boat
see you around
do I look like hozier?
let’s go to the whole foods
boobs are cool
I have to go work on my sound collage
I’m 6'3", so…
I’m starting a webseries when I get back in town
me and my boss are musicians
I have the best sound system in lower manhattan
squirt comes out the pee-hole
do you know how to make a private facebook event public?
have you seen master of none?
was that so bad?