Initiating recovery mode

I was absent for a while and I should have posted every day if only to milk some votes. Now I'm feeling the price of stagnation. I'm spending more than I earn (well, I don't earn, so any expenditure is beyond my level of income). I had to spend around 90 SBD today for various expenses. I was counting on Steem to recover this when I started these expenses, but the prices of the services I contracted grow and the rewards from Steem were low and stopped when I stopped participating.

I don't know what I could have done. I have to spend time building things that grow big. I spent a year here and my revenue started high and ended up much lower. It seems to me like here, at least, I am not growing bigger but smaller. I want to find a way to reverse this, and if not here, somewhere else. But I don't know what to do.

Meanwhile, however, I won't stop posting here. I need to recover from the big wound that my absence brought and participating is the only way of slowing down the current fall until I find something else to grab onto, either to pad the ground before I hit it, to slow the fall, to stop it or to start climbing up. If I don't do this, I will see a day when I have nothing. I need to build good habits, and this seems to be one of them right now.

I was thinking of what to post about, thought about dragons, shadows, blood, trees, landscapes, fantasy, spaceships, mist and red eyes. But it's not easy to choose a topic that won't feel out of place. I know that I have built an aesthetic quality and I must stick to it lest I turn my blog into the house of the unmentionable.

Besides, look at this:

That's on my Xopus blog. Is there anything more terrible than having your home destroyed by a natural disaster? This natural disaster is @ChronoCrypto's unfortunate absence. Sad, so terribly sad. Death. I didn't owe anything, I think? Did his server die? Will my blog perish just like that? I'm very sad about this; also I can't get Steempress votes if I don't have this service. I need to get another hosting service.

To be honest, I had hope, but it is fading. I need to stay strong and live up to the optimism I preach, but it's hard when everything is so hard and the rewards are so low. I'm also sleepy. I go to sleep at 8 or 9 pm and wake up at 4 am. It's 7 pm now.

I was also looking for an easy job somewhere. I need to earn at least $300 a month in order not to be the burden which I currently am, but I'm also filled with fatigue and depression, so I can't work in something intense. I need to think about this. I always say that I need to think about it, but I don't even know where to start. Life is hard. Time to get ready to sleep. Bye. <3