Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing. Here is one example.
I just read today on a Domestic Violence website that pregnancy is the most vulnerable time for a victim of DV, and it's when a lot of guys kill their victim. I don't know why I didn't bother to read up on this before, but all I can say is that noticing it and saying something about it, versus actually knowing what it entails for my life, are two different things.
I know that I definitely notice a pattern, that the mere act of my becoming pregnant with another man's child was a hugely dangerous time for me. And that it gets worse every time. I haven't let that stop me from having children, but I have had to listen to things being said to me like that I am a pathetic mother, that I do not deserve children at all, etc.
Many of these have morphed into anonymous threats, including one that I deserve to die in a fire.
For a long time I really thought these were coming from pedophiles online because of my human trafficking investigations.
After a long time to think about what occurred, it seemed more likely that what my friends and advisors were telling me was most likely the case. I ignored the evidence that the threats were coming from my ex, not only because the police have not taken any action to stop it, but because of deep rooted denial. I honestly really didn't think he was capable of doing something like sending what I was sent...
I think this is why I have been called naive by the anonymous person or people stalking me? And stupid?
As I go through the process of processing the facts about the traumas that I've been through, I come to new realizations each day. Today is that day that I tell myself, "you were ok to make the choices you made in the past to keep yourself and your children safe. It is not your fault, and there was nothing that you could have changed."
I've listened to people give me stupid advice in the past, tell me it was my fault, I've watched as people roll their eyes at me, smirk and laugh at me while they are believing the lies of my ex.
I decided while I'm being forced to scan in thousands of pages of documents for my abuser to use against me in court, I might as well post the ones I like best on this blockchain, so that nobody can ever delete them. (#FirstAmendment)
How do you get out of a long marriage where your husband is threatening suicide and you know he's tried before? Back then, I actually thought he was a good father. That's because I've been lying to myself, and projecting my own love for my children onto him. Good fathers don't rape their children's mother, I was once told by a wise woman.
In my case, I was raped and told I can't leave, that my children would be taken away. And he was right, because after I left, he did take them away or at least he tried. I was told I am not allowed an attorney, and only he can have one. I actually thought I was getting out carefully and safely by going along with a split everything 50 50 give him what he wants plan. I was wrong.
I thought I would be allowed to move on with my life, and that I wouldn't be standing here 7 years later wondering how to keep a hold of my children.
Not that this will help me, but the internet of people need to know, despite the doctrine of Res Judicata, that this is what was going on behind the scenes.
Women who don't work, who stay home with the children, are defenseless in family court without an attorney. In my case, I thought I was doing halfway ok by getting out the way I did. But I wasn't really allowed the opportunity or time to think about how to better defend myself. First, my ex helped me move out. Then, he forced me to sign some orders on a time line of his own, with the threat that I had to do so before a certain date or I wouldn't be getting money for rent that month. It's way worse now, when I have to actually pay my rapist and abuser child support, to the point that I can't fathom being able to do all the things I used to do in my twenties any more. (Filed under #RapistSupport)
While I have the guts to say so, I'd like to post a "Hi!" and a #RapistEnablerShoutOut to the people who did this to me over the past few years, starting with the attorney, Howard Shapiro (Thanks for representing my tranny, breastfeeding fetishist, uterine jealousy fetish, delusional ex!), the now-retired Republican Judge, L. Dee Shipman, who enthusiastically granted all of Howard's motions, including the one where he forced me to pay $673 a month in child support when I was making $1000 a month while taking care of an infant, and Rahna Cutting, a social worker who makes her living on doing fake social studies, who, knowing Joel is a tranny, gave me minimal credit for not being the person to tell her so, and still recommended that he be allowed to raise my kids over me! I hope your practices come up in a google search to warn any mother who might be coming your way any time soon.
I'm now being asked to report on the square footage of my house, as though that is what makes a mother a good mother.
Filed under #RapistPrivilege and #SquareFootage
[Redacted for child's name]
