Hey, frens! If you didn't know, it has been the Christmas time these last few weeks. I've been heckin' busy doing a help for lady with all the things! This is my second Christmas, so I'm an expert now. Let me teach you all about it.

 
Before I chose lady hooman, I spent winter time in the snow. Now, don't get me wrong, frens — I heckin' love flying around and jumping into piles. But snow time meant business time for the hoomans who kept me there, making me and my doggo buds pull things. Like, all. the. time. They'd sit around, and make us do a pull. What is that, frens? That's not fun or fair. So I made a choice that I wasn't going to do a pull any more. No way. Heck. Once I stopped working, they just left me on a chain. Pull, or do a heckin' stand around all day. UGH, HOOMANS, WHY? They didn't want me, and things weren't looking great. I ended up doing a choose on lady hooman, and now I live with her...no doing a pull! (Unless she is doing a slow and holding me back from suppressing the squirrel menace; then there is dragging.) Right, so. Point being: Christmas time like a Very Good Boy™.

There is a not-tree in the house. Frens, don't pee on this tree.

 
Why would you get indoor plumbing and then only decorate it? I don't know, but it appears to be hooman tradition. So, the first point of Christmas: The NoPeeTree and the Don'tChewBalls. (Have all of the things you like, Murphyno... but don't actually have them. HECK!) As I mentioned before, make sure you do a heckin' good sniff on the not-tree. It's isn't like outside ones, but squirrels are danger smart, frens, and better to do a careful. After that, your hooman will put the Don'tChewBalls on, and they hang right in front of your face! I get why lady likes these. Heck, they're like fancy versions of the best toys! Even though you could do a chomp and take them easy, only look. If you only look, you will be a Very Good Boy™, like me. Check! ✅

The Big Red Man will probably try to gripper grabst you.

 
I heckin' love to meet new frens, but the big red man is pretty confuse. I don't want to tell lady hooman... but each time I meet him, he is actually someone new! I know lady can't do a sniff like me, so I don't say anything to do a wreck for her. He comes only in winter time, and hoomans love to do a picture of him. If you're a Very Good and Very Cute doggo or catto, they will want to do a million pictures of you with him, near him, near the not-tree — heck, you name it, they will do a put on Snootbook. Anyways, even though you and I know the big red man is doing a trick, I did a verify he is not a bunch of squirrels in a suit doing a dastardly bamboozle, so it's okay. This is part of our job, loyal doggo frens. Hoomans need this joy in their lives and it is an honor to be extra cute to help, even thought it is heckin' weird. Lady squealed so much when the red man told me I'm the most handsome pupper. (Hoomans also like to do a heckin' obvious, it seems.) Try not to do a bork even when he holds you funny, and do a big smile; the hoomans will do a heckin' excite over you and you will get SO many treats. They will all say you are definitely a Very Good Boy™! ✅

Hooman Christmas is all about paw covers and outfits.

 
  Everything at this time gets a special outfit. Doggos get hats and sweaters and booties and collars and bells and silly things. They do a put on pupper and catto heads with antlers and puffs and snowflakes and red man hats. I believe this might be some ritual to do an acknowledge of our superiority with ceremonial garb, frens, but that's just a working theory.

Hoomans are obsessed with paw covers. I do not know why; it seems archaic and kind of pointless because they put the paw covers UNDER bigger and heavier paw armor? They hang the paw covers on the wall and put not-paws in them. They give each other paw covers. Sometimes Christmas time is heckin' one-dimensional, frens. (Then again, hoomans think doing a sit is a trick... we just have to be nice to them when they are a bit dense, frens. It is part of the Very Good Boy™ code. ✅ )It also seems like the more the paw covers do an embarrass, the better. I mean, look at this, frens:

I heckin' love lady, but if she leaves these paw covers out, I will practice squirrel chomping on them... heck yes, I will.

You have all the best tips now. You will be a Very Almost Expert at Christmas next year! You're welcome, frens. Also, we did a heckin' neat thing:

 
I did a heckin' trade with my SBDs, frens! I ordered the brace for my sister, and we are just doing a big excite waiting for it to get here. I hope she will do a better walk so I don't have to be nice and wait so much. We need to stop the squirrel forces from digging up hidden munitions! Lady is useless against the hordes, so my sister and I are the front lines. I need her to do a fighting shape. Thank you for helping me keep the world safe, frens! I will do you an update when we get it. I am a Very Good Boy™, but I could not do this alone. You are all very good hoomans. I even got to do a send of one leftover SBD to @TARC!

I will keep doing a power up so I can do a heckin' biggo upboop on TARC and animal rescues on Steemit. Can you help me sniff them out, frens? There's so much booping to do! Until later,