BuddyUp Word of the Week: Integrity

For awhile now, I've kept this piece of remembrance on a shelf a few feet away from my computer. For whatever reason, I decided to place it on my desktop this past week, though.

I'm not sure what it is that moved me to do so. Guess it's just one of those things that has no real reason.

My grandmother was an interesting individual, and probably not in the way that most "interesting people" are interesting.

She was mentally handicapped. Society has mostly ruined this terminology, but she was basically "mildly retarded".

I never grew up thinking that, though. She looked mostly like any of us. I think she must have really liked kids because we never saw much of a bad side when we were around her, but apparently she would have some bouts of anger when my father was a kid - which, to my understanding, was often her worrying that my grandfather would cheat on her or leave.

Suffice it to say, my grandparents on that side of my family remained together 'til death did them part.

I would say I really admire that.

My grandmother exemplified integrity. She never lied. In fact, I don't think she was capable of lying. It's interesting how mentally handicapped people don't have that same wiring in which they may be tempted to lie or steal, etc.

Thus, it's hard to say how much of her integrity was because of her disability. But like I said, I always viewed her as another one of us, which let me see that her integrity was just who she was.

I am sure, in some way, she has helped me become a better version of myself because of her influence on me. She surely encouraged my honesty just because of her nature.

We used to play board games and cards in their humble trailer. They had old style chairs I may never forget. Just that drama-free, easy-going environment kids hope to have with their grandparents. Of course, my grandfather was a little more negative because he probably had more responsibility, but overall it was fine.

If I had one regret, it would be not really being able to say goodbye. It doesn't kill me inside or anything like that, but I think about it occasionally. She called me about a week before she passed. Probably just one of those things where her intuition told her to. And I missed the call and didn't call her back.

Life was confusing and shitting on me and it prevented me from seeing her, but life goes on and I'll cherish the memories of her integrity.

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