Damn this really hit home.
I've struggled with suicidal thoughts and addictions as well so thank you for this.
Something beautiful happens when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. You are worth infinitely more than you allow yourself to believe, brother... infinitely.

In moments like the ones you described, I find its best to breathe... take a moment to experience all I'm geniunely grateful for.

I think if these were my final moments, who and when would I like to remember, remaining conscious of how difficult or easy it is to breathe... then, I'll completely dive into those feelings of hopelessness, fear, doubt, disbelief... and surrender those feelings of angst, need, and worry to the divine love that lives and emanates from within me, that I AM. I'll talk to God, my higher self, whatever you feel comfortable calling it, and meditate while breathing this truth throughout every fiber of my system and visualize it flowing in and out of me. Being patient and kind with myself.
It's so easy to judge ourselves in this moment, so even being patient and kind with myself for judging myself helps too.

I might cry, I might laugh, might do both.

But it feels nice afterwards.

Thanks again for sharing, Jerry. I had a similar momentum wave hit me just this pass weekend and reading as well as responding to it is doing a lot to reinforce the belief that I am not alone and that we are provided for infinitely more than we think we would like to provide for ourselves. But like you mentioned, first we must be honest with ourselves.