Many women think they will handle motherhood like it's the most natural thing in the world. They criticize what they see other women doing, who have children, full of confidence that they can probably do it better. As soon as they become mothers, sleek, shiny hair and curled up lashes are replaced with messy buns, tousled fly-aways, and dark, tired eyes. More importantly, hopes, goals, and dreams are replaced with desperation as basic needs go unmet for long periods at a time. Sleep is the one we all hear about. "Sleep when the baby seeps" is the most infuriating advice a new mother can receive. Alright then. I will wash dishes when the baby washes and eat when the baby eats, use the bathroom when the baby does?
In motherhood, I have experienced a complete contradiction. I have come to realize that some of the cruellest people in the world, especially online, are mothers, towards other mothers. In contrast, I have also seen how women who were formerly my rivals, open their hearts and share their journey with me. It is like a light, instantly switching to a warm glow to beckon me closer and join my sisters in the universal love and struggle we know as motherhood.
Mothers need more help. There it is. My crux is right at the beginning of my statement. Why do I say this?
Society expects us to have it all together, hold it all together, and continue with our busy schedules precisely as we were before there was ever mention of a baby. You get exactly 4 months to get to know your offspring before you are supposed to be ready to function as though nothing ever happened. The longing for your baby each day, the fact that your baby really requires its mother for sustenance still, the lack of sleep, the sensation that you no longer matter at all and your basic needs are forgotten, at best, are all completely and utterly irrelevant to the humdrum of earning your right to live. Working full-time, all the while aching and burning with heartache knowing their little one is not with them. Did you know it takes a woman's body a full year to recover from child birth?
Motherhood is by far one of the most emotional experiences a human can have. Our physical bodies even change to facilitate our gravitation towards emotions and away from logic and reasoning. Before you comment below with pitchforks and accusations, mothers are not lacking logic. They are simply prioritizing differently, neurologically.
It's been over two years since I brought my baby into the world and I still feel like an absolute basket case emotionally. Almost psychotic on some days. The interesting thing is that there a wealth of scientific data and research to validate my feelings.
A study performed at the Autonomous University in Spain examined women's brains, along with their male partner's brains via MRI scans. The research indicated that the centres of the brain responsible for care and empathy became extremely active in the new mothers. A decrease in grey matter was also observed, while weak synapses were discarded and new synapses created, essentially leading to the complete rewiring of the brain. Basically, the mother is being prepared to care for her infant in the most profound ways which are simply not seen in their male counterparts.
These effects last for a minimum of two years, an interesting timeframe when you consider it is also after the age of two years that the human immune system matures, indicating less reliance on breastmilk as a source of immunity, and if you enjoy the wisdom shared by Rudolph Steiner at all, you will also know that after the second year, around the approach of the third year (roughly, no one is textbook), the human child develops its identity. Me, my, I start to develop (incidentally, this is why it is profoundly terrible to try and teach children to share at this age). The child is for the first time, beginning to become aware that he is a separate entity to his mother. Prior to this age, an infant's understanding of itself is that it is part of the mother, almost as a self-aware appendage. Removing the child from the mother will feel like an amputation. Have you ever heard a mother say it physically hurts to be away from her baby?
The challenge here is survival. It's all good and well to self-righteously proclaim mothers and infants should not be separated in their first two years but from a practical standpoint, many mothers need to earn an income. How can we agree to a system which holds survival ransom, in exchange for a child? Why are we okay with being forced to choose between being with our children all day every day, or surviving? Surely we should have both. Surely we deserve to thrive, emotionally and physically at the same time.
If we can change the world to support mothers better, understand that the way the world works right now does not adequately provide the grounding our children need, and we do not cater for the well-being of mothers at all. Mothers are forgotten. A universal income, free food, the right to survive and have your basics, should be standard. If this sounds crazy to you, ask yourself if you were born to simply pay bills and die? Are you so conditioned by what you have been told that you can't picture a life of freedom? I suggest you explore the rabbit hole further. Set aside your assumptions that the way the world works is the only way it can work. I have found a wealth of inspiration at The New Earth Nation, which has led me down the path of questions. If you have questions, or if you feel inspired, hop over to The New Earth Nation Website: www.newearthnation.org
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