I am a mom and recovery from anorexia

Hi my name is Becky, and I am an anorexic. Well an anorexic, that is in recovery. I am mostly weight restored, but I will always be an anorexic, just like any addict in recovery: alcoholic: drug addict will be an addict. Also, let's face it my eating disorder has danced between different types of eat disorders (anorexia, bulimia, exercise addiction, eating disorder not other wise specified). Anorexics tend to feel superior over others with different types of eating disorders, so me admitting to straying away from the anorexia diagnosis is very difficult for me.

For a little background: I am currently 33, my eating disorder started on the onset of puberty, even though I had weird food issues as a small child. The severity of my anorexia didn't start to about 19. Before that, I did a restrict/binge and over exercise cycle.

At 19 I got married, moved away from home, and had more freedom to choose my eating routine. I dropped weight fast. My weight was dangerously low. Anyone could tell I needed help, but I felt strong and determine.

I eventually got helped for my eating disorder around 23, which lead to many hospitalizations, outpatient and inpatient treatment. I would go through recovery, gain weight, and then lose it again. I have three major sets of relapses.

Severe restriction and exercise addiction was my go to with my anorexia. I had times that I purged as well. Sometimes, even a binge. Running was my choice of exercise: I was good at it, even though I had no fuel.

With in that time frame (19 years old till now), I got married and divorce and married again. My first husband was my best friend but he got into a bad scene with drug addiction, that caused him to get arrested and to become abusive. My current husband and I have been together for four iyears, and have a gorgeous little girl that has been my saving grace.

I wanted kids all my life. My anorexia caused me not to have a period for about 10 years. I was told I would never get pregnant. During a time of weight restoration, I got pregnant three times. Two of the pregnancy I miscarried and I was heartbroken. It was the worst heartbreak in the world.

Lilly, my daughter, is about to turn two. She is my little miracle baby. She is all I ever wanted. She has kept me from getting really bad into my anorexia again, not that I don't still struggle. I love Lilly more than I could ever imagine. She is exhausting; she hates sleep; she is a little troublemaker; she is high maintenance but she is the most amazing thing ever. Her laugh melts my heart. Watching her grow up, and learning new things daily amazes me. My little sweetheart.

This blog, will continue to talk about my eating disorder (the past, and the present). It will also talk about my life as a mom. I am a mom with an eating disorder who is trying to stay a float. I will also talk about my husband and just my life in general.

I hope I can help others, who struggle as well.

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