Today with passion for life!

MY HISTORY
Born in Angola “ex-colony Portuguese” under a civil war in 1970 by 1975 after the independence of Angola did move to Portugal, as it was not safe to permanence in Angola thousands of refugees, include my family, run off the war did arrived in ships at the land of (PENINSULA IBERIA’ “EUROPE”)! Tears, hungry, and crowds of people, laying on the ground, waiting for blankets and tines of sardines that the ‘RED CROSS’ was supporting. My family was located in one place call MADEIRA, is a beautiful island Portuguese. that time my father got permanent work whoever we was living in conditions that will share the house with rats, no front doors and the roofs was large pieces of metal covered with cardboard inside. So moving on my father turn himself into alcoholism. That lead the separation of my parents for a wile, I a little kid without perception of what going on, was sent to my grandparents to be able to have some studies, that after a year my parents restored their relationship moving to a proper house together, and myself and my brother went to live with them, we left my grandparents.
The area where we move was the outskirts of Lisbon, it not take long to meet with locals, dad did keep his drinking habit, and mother was working very hard to keep me and my brother studding, the involvement of the area where we live did lead me to look for comfort not in the family, but out on the streets!
It made from very young start using re-creative drugs, that without know lead me to get hooked. To the point my life was a mess, selling and using heroine on the streets.
It had lots of bad moments and separation from the outside world was the main issue in my life, I din't care, did never connect with no one apart the drug itself, that was full control on my life style!
I decided to do give up the habit of taking drugs many times, with help from familiars, and even religious places, and rehabs but soon back to the “nest” the first one to meet was the drug before even go to see mum and dad, it was very difficult constant looking to get away from myself trapped in negativity and illusion...!
I mean never feel that fit in! The drugs was to numb the emotional and physical of my true self.
Looked to be controlled by a religious group that for a few years did keep me looked in teaching I‘ I WAS BUT I AM NO LONGER…, DID BUT NOT DO NO MORE…’) and the restriction of (NOT ALLOWED) was what programmed in my mind!
I was very solitary and be living institutionalized just with males ex drug addicts, I never feel myself be part of the community, girls was trees that I was not allowed to clime and in my mind I wanted to be a tree. Now a days I like to ask to myself, is a better place to live?
if I wanted to talk with a psychologist what I agree first place.
After a few sessions, I did mention that I was not feeling comfortable being male!
I was living in a self destructive state of mind, very difficult and confusing my feelings and emotions, but mention that was not conformable with the gender that I born with …!
As at the rehab center I had a few sessions with a psychologist!
That secession did transform my life totally!
I was still living in Portugal at this time and that psychologist ‘Maria Dominguez did told me that Portugal is a very close country, mention that France & Britain was best to deal with this facts, I come out as a transgender person!
A months later I’ll start to look for work and in news paper plus noticed that was an offer to work in England, the information was mention; _not need experience, no need the langue…bla, bla… at the time I did not know a word in English, but I take the step IN !
In a week latter I was at work in a factory, working twelve hours shifts nights, and days, in a country that I could not even pronounce the name, it was WALES.
In Portuguese;( ‘PAIS DE GALES’) six months of contract I back to Portugal and after two weeks in Portugal I back to Wales with no contract at all, but with a decision to transform my life around.
So I start to work in restaurants and hotels washing dishes, cleaning rooms whatever I be able to survive, work , work, work, by an accident at work I was nested to (‘SEEK NOTE’) at the time did lead me to become homeless, very soon I was involved on Drugs, once again. At this time, homeless, on drugs, very limited langue to communicate end up in such trouble that lucky me to be alive and meet the social services after be in prison, and court, was ended to a rehab this period I open up talking about my self being male and to be female, was my mind I was a mess.
The drugs was my method of numb my feelings.
One year after the rehab and turn my life, I was had the privileged to see the ‘GENDER CLINIC’ in London. I was a smoker at the time and they give me a challenge, if I will stop smoking, they will offer me the hormones replacement and eventually the possibility to have surgery M2F … a smile did rise in side of me!
Was not an easy forward attempt had relapses, the all process did take more the ten years till I get the "Goal" of become a female, that I always was inside, all this years is an history full of great support from the LGBT community, social services, dr’s, and NSH…what I am very great today with passion for life!
I do not smoke, I clean from re-creative drugs and I am female!
Some times people still treat me as (‘SIR’ or ‘ GENTLEMAN’) they not see me as a women…, but is OK!
I accept that my documents still in the name of Paulo Nobrega and entitle me as male!
For myself feeling and be female is what is more important to me I live my life as any women do.
Life now to me sames a new challenge!
I want to study academically in order to be an empowered women in this planet, I am on my 40's years old, and I can say in ten years from now I will be having a quantification that will allow me to have the ‘Dr’ as a tittle!
Is hard YES it will be as at the time I can't even afford to pay to go to college or university!
Monica Nobrega