Time to move on from stating my intentions and actually work on my story telling. Might be a bit of a risk stating it here, but this story I heard a while back came to mind today while I was watching a YouTube video and I couldn't shake it.
First and foremost, a quick disclaimer. I worked for 13 years in Emergency Services in my hometown. Now, something that is part of working in that type of environment are stories about calls that you are on or that you heard of. Some are funny (or downright hilarious) while others are tragic or can leave you with more questions than answers. Also, Gallows humour is very much part of this environment, used mainly as a coping tool to help responders deal with often difficult situations. Before reading further, I must say that this one is something I heard of and did not witness/live it myself.
Operator: 911 What's your emergency? Caller: I had a seizure and lost consciousness. My dog tried to help me by biting on my genitals. Operator: Are you saying your dog bit you sir? Caller: Yes, and I'm bleeding. Operator: From your penis? Caller: Yes. Operator: Are you bleeding profusely? Caller: Right now, there is a lot of blood. Operator: Ok, we have help on the way, in the mean time, I'll provide you with some first aid so you can stop the bleeding sir.
A short time later, a call comes in from the Emergency Nurse at the hospital wanting to know why this man was brought in by ambulance for a dog bite. Operator: Honestly, that's what he told us when he called. It seemed strange because none of us here have ever heard of a dog biting an unconscious person to wake them up, let alone one that targeted a patient's genitals. RN: Hahaha! Well, as far as that goes, you are correct. It definitely was not an animal bite. Eventually, we were able to get the truth out of him as to what happened.
A rather lonely janitor was working a late shift at his job. It seemed that he rarely had the opportunity to meet new people or court women in his life. He often day dreamed of getting away from it all and romancing someone from the opposite sex on a beach somewhere in the tropics. As he worked, passing the vacuum back and forth in the same spot for what seemed like an eternity, his thoughts lingered on his fantasy. Suddenly, the urges got to him and he decided he would take a break in the janitor's closet. To ensure he would not be overheard, he had the "good idea" to turn on the industrial vacuum cleaner he had just been using. He apparently used his vacuum as a sex toy at home and the thought popped in his head to use the industrial strength vacuum to satisfy his needs. Little did he know how strong the suction on this thing actually was and shortly after starting, ended up ripping part of his foreskin right off. Being at work, he decided to bandage himself with some towels and head home to "take care of this". Later, not being able to fix this issue himself, he came up with the dog story as it seemed more plausible and less embarrassing.
You hear about these things happening rather often. What makes this story stick out over all the others is the fact that, in an attempt to hide what happened, this guy ended up making a story which was not only implausible but attached a level of ridicule that made it much more memorable than the truth ever would.
See you tomorrow for another post, probably not as weird... But I make no promises.
Chris