Here are some specific phrases RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline staff recommend to be supportive through a survivor’s healing process.
“I believe you. / It took a lot of courage to tell me about this.” It can be extremely difficult for survivors to come forward and share their story. They may feel ashamed, concerned that they won’t be believed, or worried they’ll be blamed. Leave any “why” questions or investigations to the experts—your job is to support this person. Be careful not to interpret calmness as a sign that the event did not occur—everyone responds to traumatic events differently. The best thing you can do is to believe them.
“It’s not your fault. / You didn’t do anything to deserve this.” Survivors may blame themselves, especially if they know the perpetrator personally. Remind the survivor, maybe even more than once, that they are not to blame.
“You are not alone. / I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can.” Let the survivor know that you are there for them and willing to listen to their story if they are comfortable sharing it. Assess if there are people in their life they feel comfortable going to, and remind them that there are service providers who will be able to support them as they heal from the experience.
“I’m sorry this happened. / This shouldn’t have happened to you.” Acknowledge that the experience has affected their life. Phrases like “This must be really tough for you,” and, “I’m so glad you are sharing this with me,” help to communicate empathy.
Continued Support
There’s no timetable when it comes to recovering from sexual violence. If someone trusted you enough to disclose the event to you, consider the following ways to show your continued support.
Avoid judgment. It can be difficult to watch a survivor struggle with the effects of sexual assault for an extended period of time. Avoid phrases that suggest they’re taking too long to recover such as, “You’ve been acting like this for a while now,” or “How much longer will you feel this way?”
Check in periodically. The event may have happened a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean the pain is gone. Check in with the survivor to remind them you still care about their well-being and believe their story.
Know your resources. You’re a strong supporter, but that doesn’t mean you’re equipped to manage someone else’s health. Become familiar with resources you can recommend to a survivor, such as the National Sexual Assault Hotline 800.656.HOPE (4673) and online.rainn.org, y en español a rainn.org/es.
It’s often helpful to contact your local sexual assault service provider for advice on medical care and laws surrounding sexual assault. If the survivor seeks medical attention or plans to report, offer to be there. Your presence can offer the support they need.
If someone you care about is considering suicide, learn the warning signs, and offer help and support. For more information about suicide prevention please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or call 800.273.TALK (8255) any time, day or night.
Encourage them to practice good self-care during this difficult time.
There’s no timetable when it comes to recovering from sexual violence. If someone trusted you enough to disclose the event to you, consider the following ways to show your continued support.
Avoid judgment. It can be difficult to watch a survivor struggle with the effects of sexual assault for an extended period of time. Avoid phrases that suggest they’re taking too long to recover such as, “You’ve been acting like this for a while now,” or “How much longer will you feel this way?”
Check in periodically. The event may have happened a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean the pain is gone. Check in with the survivor to remind them you still care about their well-being and believe their story.
Know your resources. You’re a strong supporter, but that doesn’t mean you’re equipped to manage someone else’s health. Become familiar with resources you can recommend to a survivor, such as the National Sexual Assault Hotline 800.656.HOPE (4673) and online.rainn.org, y en español a rainn.org/es.
https://www.rainn.org/articles/tips-talking-survivors-sexual-assault
It's a good step and read I think.
there are not to do here : https://sarahhollowell.com/2013/03/15/7-things-not-to-say-to-a-rape-victim/
“Are you sure it was rape?”
I will slap you across the face if you say this. A lot of victims of sexual assault doubt themselves enough as it is, especially if they were raped by someone that they knew (which most are). We do NOT need you to add to it.
“Were you drinking?”
This is probably the number one question I’ve been asked. It’s like people want to be able to nod sagely and say, “Ah, yes, well that’s why you were raped. You were drinking.” No, I was raped because someone raped me. That’s it. Whether a person was drunk or sober or high, it doesn’t matter. It’s not their fault. Also, pro tip: One of the characteristics of consensual sex is that both partners be sober.
“Were you leading them on?”
Wow, no. Don’t say this. What a person was wearing or who s/he was flirting with doesn’t give anyone a right to that person’s body. Nothing gives someone a right to another person’s body. End of story.
“Why didn’t you scream/fight back?”
Fun fact: It’s not that easy. Shock can set it and you won’t know what to do. You won’t believe this is happening. Or maybe you’ll just be scared of what else they could do to you, and you’ll think, “If I let them do this, they’ll let me go.” I know rape victims who have fought back, and I know victims who haven’t. You don’t get to shame them just because of what you think you’d do in that situation.
“Don’t tell anyone/tell this person/tell the police.”
You don’t get to tell someone what they should do. You don’t get to tell them to silence themselves or to speak out. They get to decide when they’re ready to talk, if at all. Do you know how incredibly terrifying it is to go to the police about this? Have you heard the stories about rape victims who aren’t believed and who get dragged through the mud in court, assuming their case gets that far? If someone wants to go to the police, that’s great, that’s brave, and you should encourage them and be by their side. But if they don’t? Don’t pressure them. It’s not your place to decide for them.
“It was [x amount of time] ago. Why aren’t you over it?”
Remember how you don’t get to tell someone whether or not they should talk about their assault? Yeah, you also don’t get to tell them how long it should take them to heal. That varies wildly and it never really goes away.
“You’re just doing this for attention.”
One of the most upsetting parts of hearing the stories of rape victims is how often they’re not believed by their friends and family. I don’t know anyone who would want this kind of attention. Please refer to this handy-dandy chart:
again I am not a fan of don't as they may play tricks on the mind ! focus and the do !!
support and BELIEVE ! that's seems to be the core with help in self care, respect and I would add NO SHOWER >>> DIRECT TO THE HOSPITAL RAPE KITS ! then wait for the cops (you never know if it isn't some epstein friends like the rapists of the quai d'orsay of paris). but at least the dna evidence and other proof will be saved.
again I have no idea ! do your own research and frankly when you will see this graph you will understand why we all need to be prepared to this reality (as the vip child rapists like it when it's widespread as it saturate the LEO and help of their goal of world domination) :
so fucking brutal ! And then you get why the "churches" force to stop death rows... clearly to protects their asses.
so you are the cops? the men in blue? the little brotherhood of the blue line? know one thing : WE ARE PLA, and only those BEYOND are our buddies, the rests? do you like crabs? some of us do other don't... I hope it's clear and if it isn't it's the same... feeders.
ahh the plants !!! ahhh... that the focus,,, raise the cost, not stop it, so you who it serves... fuckers... and if you don't same, feeders. that's why I like in China unified, no. end (die). clear. eazy.
anything else? no, hf and gl ! and with our AI behavioral system we will get even get preventive... ohhh don't underestimate us... and as in china it's simple (no bad words)... meaning, grow little dragon !!! what do you need? just ask... how can we help? harmony, symbiosis, not to the merge in the machine, ricidule, nope to solve those problems... like this infinite energy clean problem...
anyway... mutli hedged ! hf !