The publications that I usually post here are totally honest, sometimes they may seem meaningless or random and yes, they are, since I only reflect my thoughts as I see them, my opinions as I feel them, I do not expect everyone to like or agree and support me right away, but I do thank the people who do, this blog I'm not writing to thank you because it would make no sense to thank someone for sharing an opinion, anyway this post or blog is just to express what I'm feeling is these moments, my point of view about life, myself and other things that are there, if you identify or like ... well tell me, comment, vote, whatever you want.
I start by giving you a more or less, understandable or coherent picture about me, I am a persistent person but I also tend to fall or take a step back as a "survival instinct" ... something like reflections, I take for granted flee, escape, avoid or reject such an event at first and I've realized that is true, I reject or flee from failure, I do not like failing maybe it is just and because I have not learned how to get up, I was not taught that or I just forgot to attend that lesson; I'm afraid of defeat, I'm afraid of doing something because I think "why to do it if I'm going to fail anyway" and then ... I just give up; I do not dare to ask questions because I presume that the answer will always be "NO" and that is scary for me, I pretend that it has no effect on me, but obviously it is not so at all.
And why is it that I come here to share this? maybe some will ask (to those who are interested in this reading, of course I really appreciate it) Well today, I shook hands with pain, I came across with rejection, I talked with disappointment, and have embraced strongly with despair. It was a really chaotic meeting, but at the same time ... welcoming, I had never felt what I felt today, well at least not in such a real and overwhelming way. Now, I come to share this for the simple reason that, this never made me feel so human, so fragile, so vulnerable, so imperfect and unprotected and as many of us have the tendency to lock ourselves in, to create (and trust blindly) in an alternate world created clearly by ourselves (our happy place) many times denying any form of separation or scape from these habits.
I, as some of you can may see, I have the terrible need to dream of a better world for me, to create myself ... yes, you have read well, I have said create, not think me and is because in my head, I am a totally different person, very different from my reality, maybe current or general, I am not proud to say that, I have had constant periods of confusion between reality (my reality) and fantasy (my utopia) and it is not surprising, this world that we are creating ourselves it is becoming our nightmare, we are hanging by a thread, we are subjected, bound, confined, frightened from reality, from living a normal and simple life, I am sorry if I offend you to when I put you in this conceptualized "group" (if you do not feel ralated to my writting)
Thoughts are nothing more than a longing, a need, a dream. Although I have many goals and thoughts, I find it hard to conquer them (as I have already mentioned reasons why). This blog / writing is just a desire to get rid of my ties, my limits, my fears and insecurities that I have carried for the longuest time because when exposing our "defeats" we have more opportunity to change and improve our habits since we started to see it from a different point of view a more abstract and objective point of view.
Thank you for reading it completely (if you did) I would like to know your feelings, your point of view or just your opinion, I hope you can do it.