With the Justice League movie coming up and the Wonder Woman movie finishing it's run at the box office, I wanted to revisit a review I wrote last year for Batman Vs Superman...
Zack Snyder always makes visually stimulating films and Batman > Superman is no exception. He also makes films that fail to make me feel anything other than disappointment and Batman > Superman is no exception.
I don’t really know where to start with this. The movie was very spectacular to behold. From the visuals and stunts, to the fight sequences where we really get to see Batman kicking ass, even the soundtrack was pretty cool, but a bunch of pretty colours and cool visuals don’t make a movie. Sure, it impresses kids, it even impresses me to some level, but when I go to a movie I want to be affected in some way. It can make me happy or sad or angry, I don’t mind, I just want to feel something. The only thing I really felt with this movie was my bladder getting ready to burst. It’s long. Longer than it needed to be.
Sure, I got a kick out of a few moments, like where Batman asks Superman “Do you bleed?” or when Batman punches Superman in the face. Come to think of it, the best bits involved Batman, the rest was just ambient noise until he came back on screen. One of the main problems was the amount of characters that had to share screen time, you know, aside from it just kinda sucking.
The writing was clunky, like they all sat in a room and said “Alright guys, we wanna have Batman fight Superman, we don’t care how or why just make it happen, but make sure you have Lex Luthor in there, figure out a way to include Doomsday and… Oh shit! We forgot Wonder Woman, chuck her in there too!” The writers did what they were told.
Seen here: The writing team.
It was kind of hard to figure out why anyone was really doing what they were doing at any one point. On one side of the camp you’ve got Batman going “We have to destroy Superman, coz he might turn out to be evil and shit”. Then you’ve got Superman moping about going “Aww man, most of the world likes me, but not everyone likes me, that sucks, oh no, now someone kidnapped my ma better try kill Batman.” Lex Luthor pipes up and is all like “Yeah dude, I’m just crazy AF and I wanna fuck shit up. Ooh look! Shiny things!”
Ben Affleck did a good job as Batman. Everyone was so butthurt when he got cast, but everyone can go suck it now. I want to see more Batfleck. That’s the movie we needed, a goddamn Batman movie that may (or may not) have included some side characters. There was just too much going on in this for it to flow nicely and we were left with a bunch of under-developed characters and a 150 minute long trailer for the upcoming Justice League movie. I could go on about how and why Affleck makes a good Batman, but if you don’t get it when you watch it then all hope is lost for you.
Henry Cavill plays wooden and boring just as flawlessly in this movie as he did in Man of Steel. Nothing groundbreaking there. But goddamn he is a beefcake.
Jesse Eisenberg tried to do something interesting with Lex Luthor. Tried, but failed. A for effort, Jesse.
The real surprise for me in all of this was Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman. Sure, they may have written a shitty part for her, but she nails the role better than I think anyone may have expected. Let’s fuck off Superman, I wanna see more Wonder Woman!
Did I enjoy the movie? Yeah. Could the movie have been better? Bloody oath it could have. Will I watch it again? Yeah, it’s Batman so I’ll probably see it another half dozen times. I think that if it wants to really compete they need to get rid of Snyder as director and find someone that can deliver not only the stunning visuals, but also inject some emotion. My bet would go to JJ Abrams, that would be interesting. However, If this movie gave us anything, it’s a promise for an impressive franchise to come, regardless of all the shortcomings of this beautiful mess.
Rating: 5/10
From left to Right:
Boring wooden piece of indestructible beef. Surprisingly charismatic, strong and sexy. Unsurprisingly charismatic, strong and sexy.