(This has been edited and most names have been changed.)
July 24th, ... One of the senior women at the charity store said she could use me at her house to work on things, offering a job. It was unclear whether or not it was a joke. I timidly agreed. Later she asked what sort of job I was looking for and asked for my CV (Resume). ... I asked to speak with Arthur in his office, and asked for a letter of recommendation, since he knows what it is really like to work with me. He said people could call him, but it was against the law in Quebec for him to say that I was good or bad or would follow the rules no matter what. All he could write was that I did volunteer here for these dates. I thanked him and left. [That was the reason I was volunteering. I had been out of the workforce for over a year without substantial accomplishments. Employers would want evidence I was hard working and reliable. He had said it was related to privacy and the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, but that is not exactly correct from what I researched. They may actually be required to provide a letter of recommendation upon request. -3/24/21]
July 25th, Yesterday, when I got back, Lucas was outside. He looked at me incredulously, and asked if I had a job. I shook my head no. He asked where I go all the time. I said I had places... He said "bye" in an annoyed way, and I returned it in an indifferent way. I had heat exhaustion and had a headache, nausea, and shortness of breath. I did an online search for treatments. My door was locked and bolted, but I left my window open. There was someone outside my window scraping something, like doing yard work. As I started drifting off to sleep, I got a notification from my phone, and I heard a laugh when I scratched my neck. (My symptoms were pretty bad. Me scratching may have made it appear it wasn’t really so severe.) I woke up around 10:15 pm, and might have started sleeping around 7pm. I got ready for bed and shut the window, and went back to sleep.
I woke up a little before 3 am. There was a knock on my wall from my new neighbor. It sounded like it was from a knuckle, but I hadn't been making noise. There was also a fair amount of shuffling upstairs for a few hours. I listened to some music and went back to sleep.
//WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT
This morning my privates were a little sensitive.
//END SEXUAL CONTENT
I went to the bike warehouse to volunteer, and Rachel welcomed me and explained things. Sean also showed up to volunteer. He brought a notebook. I asked Rachel if I could get a letter of recommendation. She said that I could, but that we would have to talk later about what I was looking for. She interpreted that in French for Sean, and he wrote down "letter of recommendation" in his notebook, which is the only thing besides the title he wrote down. Rachel taught us how to sort wheels. Sean put on music. He said it sounded like I had a Russian accent. I attempted one which was very poor. [Sean reacted to that like he had been kicked in the gut. He seemed to hope that I would have familiarity with Russian. -3/16/20] ... Rachel told me to eat lunch around 1 pm. I asked how long the day lasted. She said until 4 pm, but she said if I was exhausted I could leave sooner. ... I came home and Lucas was outside again, staring at me like he was trying to read me. I said Bonsoir, he said hello. I had my headphones in. I went to make Ramen Noodles, and I still had my headphones in. A man who called himself Jace started talking to me anyway. I could barely understand anything he was saying. I said I was from America, and he said he was too. He called me the N word out of apparent happiness and slurred something about having a job. His expression made me wonder if he was on something. He started asking if I was alone. I said I lived with you guys. He asked about a boyfriend. I said I wasn't interested. He kept pressing, now saying things I couldn't understand at all. I asked him if he spoke French, and he said no, English. I asked him about other languages and he said just English and a little French. As I picked up my things to go, he ordered me to put it down and talk to him. I said it was good to meet him, and he ordered me to stay again, saying "What the %$*"@!" as I left. I also took a picture of a torn up STM ticket in the toilet, which I suppose my new neighbor put there.
July 26th, I woke up around 5:40 am… Arthur greeted me a little nervously, and I asked if it was okay for me to be there since I had told him I wasn't coming, but Ruby said she needed me. He said it was fine, and she would be here in a few minutes. ... We talked about me being from the US, living alone. My co-worker Jesse said I should be able to get a job no problem, but wouldn't be able to study. The older man said I was strong to move out on my own, and that my family must be sad. I said I wasn't far and had just moved. ... The boys spoke in French about philosophy. (I had been listening to and apparently loving Sam Harris’ podcast as well as reading philosophy during my trips.) The older man asked if I believed in God and Jesus, and said that was my prophet not his... Jesse talked about how there must be aliens and how the technology of the pyramids is beyond our tech, and how there are pyramids on the moon and mars. I said I hadn't heard of that. He said they keep it a secret. ...Jesse asked me if I was writing the product on the box for the warehouse. I said there were 3 different kinds and I didn’t have a count. Saul brought me a specific product similar to what I was packaging and said there were customers out front waiting for 4 more. I said I wasn't sure what was going on with these products but helped him look. He was aggravated and distressed. The ones I had organized were out of order. I looked through the ones on the shop floor while he looked on the top, and I searched the warehouse with Jesse. ... I said when I was setting up the products I was told not to worry about the order, that this was a thrift store and people were expected to dig. I said we weren't set up for this. We eventually confirmed we didn't have them. …
July 27th, I woke up around 5:40 am, looked up yard sales on kijiji, then went back to sleep till 9. Yesterday I had stopped at BAnQ again and typed up my journal for about an hour. I had just started 7/2/19, and written about Tor shutting off. The problem had become much less common. This morning it happened 3 times. At 9 am, I heard my neighbor ripping up a piece of paper and flushing it. ... There were some shopping carts at the far end of the parking lot and I pushed them over to the store. ... Jace came out and shouted on the phone about how he wanted to kill someone, and used many cuss words. I think he is the same person out front shouting about Pearl Harbor. Later he came in the kitchen and said some things. I told him I had trouble understanding him. He turned off his music and asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I did not want to discuss the topic. He asked again. I said I did not want to talk about it. He asked if I had any children and if I had a husband. I did not answer and asked him nicely if he has lived here for a long time and if he liked it. He nodded, confused. I asked him about the bedbugs, if he still had any. (He looked like the guy Lucas and Ellie were talking to about that a while ago. I could be wrong, I wasn’t paying much attention.) Now he looked really confused. I turned off the water and made a crawling gesture with my hands and asked "bugs?" He just stood there for a second, said goodbye, and left shortly after. Wyatt popped in the kitchen, referring to me as the girl from Tennessee, and asked if I wanted a Popsicle. "No thank you." "You said no right?" "Yes." and he disappeared just as quickly.
July 28th, ... At 3 am I woke up. I heard a door open somewhere and a man clearing his throat. At 4:23 am, I heard a loud bang on the floor above me. Some minutes later I heard some more noises upstairs. I often hear noise at 3 am upstairs, but also during the days and evenings. I wonder when Igor sleeps. He had told me on July 1st that if I was bad he would stomp his feet. I went to The Gathering Church. A woman gave her testimony about how she was abused as a child, and how that unresolved injustice was like a broken record in her head. She said her abuser may have been schizophrenic or bipolar, but she just called him the monster. One thing she said about her former unforgiving self is all she did was call her abuser a monster and ruin his reputation. But God gave her the strength to forgive. She described the light and warm love she felt, like being bathed in honey, and heard God tell her that he loves her abuser as much as he loves her, and gave her the strength to forgive so she no longer has a broken record in her head. ... There was a man who walked up to the communion table during the sermon, and started fiddling around with it. The pastor asked some men to come and assist him. That was very unusual. After a bit he quietly walked back to his seat, but he did not seem shocked to learn that his behavior was out of the ordinary, or embarrassed or apologetic. The pastor said normally he invites people to come to the front to pray, but today he wanted us to tell the people next to us... how we wanted them to pray for us. The woman next to me invited me over, and prayed in French, but in English also, that we would be like Christ. She asked me if I wanted to pray. I asked her if there was something she wanted me to pray for. She said it was her birthday and she wanted to thank God for all of her years on earth, as well as those to come in heaven. I thanked God for our sister and how he had loved and been with her, and that she was in our family, and would be with us in heaven to celebrate God's grace. I also prayed for wisdom as I go through this world. The man sitting behind me was looking at me. I chatted, then went outside where the man who had walked up front during the sermon was sitting. This also reminds me of the first Canadian church I visited in Stella's town. There was a boy who walked in during the sermon, and didn't know how the latch on the bench worked, then walked around the back of the church looking at things in a very uncustomary way. The man outside of the church started speaking to me in French. He said he had seen me walk often on Sundays. I asked if he lived around here. He said he lived around church and told me a street. The way he held my hand close to his chest and then put the other one over it, it was kind of intense. He reached for my sunglasses to put them on my head, and looked deeply into my eyes, still holding my hand close to his chest. He told me to remember, if I was going to do something, to do it right, and that there would be sacrifices. People started coming out of the church. He put his other hand on my shoulder and started to pull me towards him. I reached up and gently removed his hand. He backed off, apologizing and bidding me a good day. ...There was a shopping cart lying on its side in the driveway of a nice home with a lot of cars. This was not very far from the grocery store. Yesterday when I went shopping I had found and pushed 3 carts from the opposite corner of the parking lot to the store. When I came back, Lucas was outside walking towards me, then he took a turn in the parking lot on the side of the building. When I came inside he was already inside sitting at the table nearest the door smiling at me. I smiled back and went to my room. He would have had to go a fair distance in a short amount of time to use a back door and get in the lobby. He was not holding trash, so that was not a reason to go that direction. He started from the main entrance, so it would have been easier for him to use that. Also this morning, I just saw an email that said it had been sent on the 24th. It was a message from Raelynn. She said she had a check from the government for me, and I should stop by and pick it up, and I must be getting ready for school by now, and she was looking forward to seeing me. I messaged her cell that I was in Canada for now and gave her my PO Box to forward it.
July 29th, ... On my way to the charity store getting on a metro line an old man with long white hair in a pony tail wearing black ran in front of me. I sat next to him on the subway and rested. He was slouched over like he was sleeping. He also came on the bus with me and sat next to me. I was in the back corner. The Hispanic guy I see a lot sat in front of me, so I was cornered. The old man nodded off maybe 30 times and kept leaning on me like he was going to sleep on my shoulder. The Hispanic was looking away with his ear buds in. I studied his black ring, watch, etc. He looked down nervously to see what I was looking at. How did he know I was looking at him? I smiled and rested. The old man got off before I arrived. Arthur, Jesse, and the older volunteer were speaking in French, something about how our planet is so small in the scheme of things. I had just been watching videos on quantum physics the other day. ... Madeline came in, saying she had seen the subject line of my email, and wondered why the other woman in the organization had asked for my resume. She wondered if it was for a job and seemed concerned. I told her I thought she just wanted to have it. She said she would forward it today. I was working alone for most of the day... As I was moving a cabinet, the older volunteer insisted I should ask for help with such heavy things. As I was moving a different cabinet, a new face came in and chastised me. He introduced himself to me as Rudy. Actually, he passed me before and said I was a woman working like a man. Now he was commanding me not to lift such things, and to use my woman powers on woman's work. When I was back to sorting, he said he wanted my number, and said with the way I work, I must have a good spirit. He offered to help me once. Saul asked me where more lamps were to install, then later asked about thermostats for him to install. ... The other younger one showed up, who told me later his name was Sonny. During lunch... Sonny asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, but I wasn't looking for one. The older asked me if I had a bad experience with men. I said you could say that. Sonny asked me if it was too personal, and I said sure. Awkward silence. Then Sonny started humming something, and I smiled. He laughed. "Sharon Sharon Sharon." He walked out of the room, and later returned. He looked at me and the other through a paper towel roll very playfully. He asked me how old I was and didn't believe I was 30. Then he said he was 35 and laughed asking me if I didn't trust him. I told him he was funny. He said I was funny. Funny and beautiful. He said it again, and asked if it was okay. "Are you asking my permission to flirt with me? ... Well, I'm not looking for a boyfriend, so..." He nervously asked if I was angry. "I'm not angry." After that he hummed the same way in the warehouse a few times. ... Jesse commented that I had been working alone all day. ... I finished my work by the end of the day. Sonny asked what time I got off, and I told him 3:30. He paused thoughtfully, and left to ask something. Rudy told me he was leaving and asked to get my phone number. I told him I didn't want to give it to him. Sonny told me it was 3:30 pm. I asked him for his name, and he wrote it out for me. ... I said it was funny. He asked if I thought his name was funny. I said I should clarify that it was funny he wrote it out on the table. He scratched it out. He asked if he would see me tomorrow. I said no. He asked why, was I tired? I said I go to other places. He looked shocked. He said he would see me tonight, and see me later, and told me to have a good night. I told Ruby I could come next Monday. On the bus back, a boy standing next to me was on the phone interviewing, even though it was noisy, and the man in front of me fell asleep and was woken up by someone telling him he had arrived at the end of the line.
July 30th, I ... called Deborah about registering for classes. It was hard for us to hear each other... I was sad and watched some videos about how intelligent people have fewer friends. Lucas and another guy were outside my window talking about something I don't know what. Also yesterday I typed up a lot of journal notes. My Gmail inbox this morning had those journal notes and International Man – Will They Take All Your Money?
July 31st, There was a bang on my ceiling at 11 pm as I started to get to sleep, and more noise at 5 am. I found the location for the charity store’s other construction site. Hugo was a bit late. He showed me around a bit, but wanted to stand by the open door waiting for the others. I looked around and came back, and met Jill and Bill. Bill had a gleam in his eye. He started work in the bathroom while Hugo showed Jill and I how to build a drywall box. Some of it required quite a bit of strength, screwing through 2 pieces of sheet metal above your head with only your hands to clamp them together. I thought they could be predrilled and I could use a C-Clamp, but Hugo didn't have one. Also he told me he keeps the back of the door locked since we can't hear when we're all upstairs, and that I could leave my stuff there. I saw Jill take her bag upstairs, so I followed suit. Hugo told me he saw a boy walk past our tools 3 times in the backyard and he was going to check it out. Some people came late and the girl came to me asking where we put our bags. We finished the drywall box, and were given another room to finish, and did that quickly. Hugo told us laughing a bit that we were to gather all the little pieces of drywall and toss them out of the window into the pile of trash in the backyard. Bill was leaning against the door frame looking at me, grinning, chin down... waiting to see what I would say. Hugo said I didn't seem convinced. I said I wasn't sure if that was perfectly safe. He said it was only us here and we were all upstairs and no one else was allowed to come past the fence. The backyard was not taped off or anything and we were right next to the neighbor’s back deck, plus he said he had seen someone walking back there. He said the other way was to carry it down stairs, but he was trying to save me some energy. If I was tired from all the work, that would have been tempting. He started to crank the window open. There was a crack and the top of the window broke, and it started to fall. Hugo grabbed it immediately and held it with one hand. I said he was fast and strong, and grabbed it and started helping him. I noted a rash on my arm. Hugo asked very worriedly if I was okay, noting I was touching my arm. I said I was. Jill asked me if I wanted to carry the trash down stairs. "Yeah, I do." ... I get some earplugs; Jill asked if that was really necessary. [Like they didn't want me to have any.]... On my way back a man told me I should dress like the Arab women, who must be pretty hot. I guess he was saying I dress warmly. ... When I was washing my dishes, Lucas comes in and asked if my room would get warm. "Pretty warm." He wondered if I ever thought about using some climatisation. I said it wasn't allowed on the lease. Besides, it would be cooler soon, and it's Quebec. Lucas says it pretty much stays hot till mid October. I asked him why he asked about this all of a sudden. He paused for several seconds, then talked about how unbearable it can get. He went to confirm the temperatures, and then offered me an extra swamp cooler he had, as long as I give it back before I leave. Lucas had a look of concern on his face. I thanked him. He said it was normal (to offer this to me) "because..." and he left the room [I believe I had just typed journal notes describing my heat exhaustion.]