Ptsd

in epiphany •  6 years ago 

I spent the first 17 years of my life being dads punching bag, and the next 27 being terrorized by the husband. I tell you this so you understand the anxiety i feel when looking at a blank text box. When youre told nothing but you dont matter, and that your very thoughts arent worth anyones time, its really hard to ever think otherwise. In fact, ive just spent the last 11 months pretending to be an online entreprenuer. My "list building" is so terrible, got 1 subscriber, and i know my husband didnt even read the emails.
The World Wide Web was born about the time i was in Jr. High. I remember because 7th grade had a type writer class and 8th had a monitor and keyboard. I took 3 computer classes in high school and by the time windows 98 came i made sure my 5 year old had one to play on. America online sent cds in the mail every week but we couldnt afford a phone much less the subcription. I used to play with windows help program just educating myself on how it worked. In 2001 i got my first email address.. It was my entire name seperated by underscores. And yahoo chat rooms were where any girl would get harrassed by any random asshole.
Ive watched the interweb grow into its skin, so to speak, and i feel like its almost all grown up. The blockchain and bitcoin etc. Are going to break the world as we know it. By breaking it, i dont necessarily mean destroy, but for people like me, who have lived their entire lives so far below that poverty line, it gives us hope, that maybe finally the rules of economics will not apply any longer and those 15 people who own all the money will be forced to eat hotdogs every day and night because thats what was affordable. 25 years ago i would spend $100 and that provided 3 meals for 7 days for 5 people, yes 3 of them had tiny stomachs but today, i cant even get out of walmart without breaking the bank, or doing without. I still eat hotdogs for more meals than i want to admit.
How do i change my way of thinking into someone who has something to say? I still feel like my voice isnt important. Everyone says i must "NICHE" myself. Pick one thing and specilize in it. Theres no way. My mind isnt tunnelled. I want to sell cbd, and ive got the product, havent figured out how to sell it to whom. I want to have a dropship store for my granddaughters future needs. I am into crypto and ive spent the last few months sucking on every faucet i can find. Unfortunatly these things require i sell stuffs, and ive never been very good at salesmanship, that requires a confidence i havent quite found yet. Im getting there tho.
The way ive added it up, im in the 3rd part of my life. I was a child, then i was their mother. Theyre all grown up now with 3 high school diplomas on my wall, and my baby girl is starting her sophmore year at a university. In my 3rd life, i am confident and commanding. I will be better able to speak to strangers and articulate enough so that they understand my sometimes unusual ideas and i will be able to leverage it into an income. Ive got most of the pieces right where i need them. Im only waiting on the last few moves.
If you advertise to everyone randomly, no one sees it. You can post a thread or buy some space but if you arent making sure its in front of the people who want your information, well its like putting my blonde headed blue eyed daughter in an ESL class. She couldnt understand what was being taught, so she didnt learn. Thats one of my missing pieces. How to get my brand of ideas to people who will care about it and have the ability financially to purchase the product that will change their lives.
Im a member of an investment group.. Where you earn 1% of said investment daily for lifetime. The company gives you $100 - $150 just for joining.. So right from the start ive accumulated 15 cents a day. Ivd watched it steadily move up and its actually an amazing thing to watch.. As soon as it gets big enough ill flip it back into my fund and $10 dollars ads another dime to the drip. Im thinking 25 cents will take fewer days to get to a dollar and the wait to flip it back on itself again will take less time.. This doesnt depend on my ability to sell snake oil. This is the result of my effort..but In the meantime ill keep plugging at These faucets that ive been told are a waste of my time. I should stop with the penny ante things and go find some big ticket item and really earn. Then i told the nice man who couldnt understand why i dont have any money to "invest in myself" you must have coin to mine it, and when you have my background the hotdogs are far more important .. And their minimum investment level would buy me hotdogs for a month. Ive almost saved enough for it tho .
God has always taken care of me and mine . Even when i didnt believe i could make it thru the day, He provided another package of hotdogs. I know that the hotdogs will always appear when needed. Because He hasnt let me fall yet.

Ive never written anything like this before and im not even convinced anyone will care to read it this far. If you do, please let me know somehow.

That investment company? Well its not selling anything.. And its not affiliate type mlm either. Its actually a world wide real estate company that sells 1 square foot of land for $1 and you earn the interest off it at a rate of 1% daily profit for life. For people who dont eat hotdogs, $1k invested brings you $10 bucks a day .. Ive got the info if you are interested

Jen

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